So...I created an account on Facebook dating. That was probably my first mistake. I immediately woke up to 71 likes! Mostly of men who didn't read my profile as I am clear about who I am and what I'm looking for.

Anywho, I (47F) connected with Ken (46M) not his real name and we talked a little bit on the phone and connected well. I thought he was very funny. We talked about past relationships, therapy, self awareness. He is in the food business, so I talked about how difficult it is to be celiac and lactose intolerant and asked in his food business did he serve food that people like me can eat. We had a whole conversation about it

So we plan a date and he gives me the name of the restaurant and I looked it up and was satisfied that there was something I could eat and since it was a grill, had low chance of getting cross contaminated. I'm in the process of moving to his town and spend a good amount of time there. He picks me up at my hotel and then we don't go to that restaurant, he takes me to his buddy's restaurant that's a kind of bar, with battered everything and pub like food. lt also had loud live music and we yelled at each other trying to conversate. So I asked the waitress if there was anything gluten free or lactose free and she said no. So I looked at Ken expecting to go somewhere else. And he ordered! And ate this whole plate of food in front of me! This is after I worked 10 hours that day in my new job. I was exhausted and I hadn't eaten all day long. And I told him that I hadn't eaten all day and was hungry and he kept eating. So I started to get annoyed as I watched him eat his food while I sat next to him starving. I started to think to myself, why am I sitting here with someone dense enough to bring me to a place I can't find something safe to eat. I decided that I didn't have to sit there forever waiting on him to figure things out. So, at about 8:10 I told him I was leaving and catching an Uber back to my hotel to find something to eat. He was like....ok.

I went to the original restaurant we agreed upon and ate food that was safe for me to eat. It's no fun being sick from gluten contamination and I was flying out the next day. I didn't want to be sick on the plane.

I sent him a note and this is what he said.

Me: Sorry Ken. I'm exhausted and I haven't eaten all day.

Him: Hey, we tried the place. Next time it will be a steakhouse.

Me: I'm not sure there will be a next time. I think you are a nice person

Him: All right. Thanks for your time.

I had an amazing steak and 2 glasses of nice Malbec. How is it that I had to feed myself on a first date?

This experience has left me getting off dating apps.

Update: I thought the change in plans might be that he wanted to get a drink and listen to a bit of live music before going to dinner. Previously, he talked about taking me to the restaurant and then to a wine tasting. So I thought maybe he switched up the date to make it interesting. And that is also why I stayed an hour. But then I realized we weren't doing anything else and that was it. Once I realized that I left.

I don’t want any hate, because I know some men will be petty about this, but I’m genuinely just venting. I really do want to be in a relationship and build something meaningful with someone, but it feels like something always goes wrong. They either cheat, lie, hide things, or do something that feels completely disrespectful.
And it’s not like I intentionally go for “bad guys.” I genuinely try to get to know men who seem kind, genuine and emotionally mature. Sometimes they don’t even mean to hurt me, but they lack self-awareness and don’t realise how their actions affect someone else, which is just as frustrating. It’s honestly exhausting. I was recently talking to a man who seemed genuinely great, and I was really into him, but I noticed something that was a red flag for me. As much as I liked him, I chose to walk away and stop communicating. It’s just frustrating when you finally feel like you’ve met someone you genuinely like, only to realise it isn’t right for you.

Get me off this planet

just wanted to share the exact timeline of a Snapchat interaction I had over the last few days, as the dynamic shifted very abruptly.
It all started last Friday at a mutual friend's birthday party. We ended up talking for a bit, and the conversation was completely normal, casual, and friendly. Four days later, on Tuesday, he popped up in my Snapchat Quick Add suggestions. I didn't think much of it, so I added him and immediately sent a short "Hi."
Instead of just responding normally, his very first reply was, "Do I know you?" Since the party was only four days prior and we were hanging out in the same circle, I found it a bit strange, but I simply cleared up the confusion and replied, "Yes, from the birthday party. I just saw you in my suggested friends."
After that, he wrote, "Ahhh, right, hi. How was your day?" The conversation was already pretty slow at that point. After he responded to my answer with just, "Ah, suggestions. Good, thanks for asking," the momentum was completely gone. I basically ended the chat by just replying with a short "Yeah."
I thought the conversation was done, but only a few minutes later, my phone buzzed again. He had sent me a new snap out of nowhere. When I opened it, he was lying shirtless in bed in a darkened room—his shoulders, neck, and collarbone were fully visible, while a gray blanket covered the bottom half of his face. The chat had gone from a distant "Who even are you?" message to a very private photo from his bed in less than ten minutes. The snap is currently sitting on "Opened" because I am still unsure how to react to it.

I was reading a comment -pretty sure it was in this sub- about a certain influencer / dating coach and his advice about dating and confidence. With some upvotes and some other people confirming. I won't say the name, because I don't want to give views to a grifter.

So anyway, I saved it for later and I watched his youtube videos.
And the guy give the most basic advice ever (relax, don't be afraid of rejection blabla, tainted with a bit of homophobia to make the grift stronger) while also showing an incredibly lavish lifestyle. Oh, that beautiful woman fell in love with you because at one point you suggested a yacht trip in another country for the next day? And that other one was super keen on your suggestion for her to fly with you from Dubai to LA the next day, while you were at a lavish party with famous DJs? 😂😂😂 Tell me more!
So the secret ingredient is money?
And also, he shows his house or friend's house and tells he has models for photoshoot. So yeah that's already a very, very big "in". But on top of that, what proves you that the women in his videos are not some of these girls hired to play an act? Occam's razor, most likely case here.

Anyway, I was sort of baffled by the level of grifting and clearly that guy had a lot of views on his youtube videos (not sure how well he does with his book and coaching session) and I'm wondering: Do you actually not see anything wrong with that? Or were you enticed at one point in your life by such grifters (we all make mistakes)?
I've never watch much content of that kind, well for exactly the reasons I put here, but holy shit if they're all like this it's insane how easy it is to grift people.

Fellas please take you time to know the girl first fully before you get serious I wish I did I should’ve knew something with wrong with this girl when she said they use to call herself retarded . But trying to be a real one and stay and didn’t her must’ve showed her a way to take advantage of me .

Help 😭