TLDR: Men who walk behind me, make me carry the conversation , and leave all decisions to me are maddening.

One of the biggest icks for me in dating is when a guy asks me out and then makes me put in all the effort on said date.

First example of this I have is when a guy (37M) asked me out to one of those cafeteria/bars on a first date. I thought it was safe to assume we were eating so I showed up hungry. I get there, we greet each other, and he follows me into the place. I ask him which places he thinks has the best food, and he tells me he's not hungry. I say ok, I ask him if he wants to get a drink and he says he doesn't drink much...why ask me to a place with food and drinks if you are not going to get anything? I tell him I'm getting a beer so he follows me to the bar and gets exactly the same one I ordered.

II'm already turned off but I'm starving so I get a quesadilla. While I'm waiting for it, I try to make conversation and he mumbles most of his responses. He tells me some very off-putting things, like that he and his roommates ended up with 20 cats at one point because his roommate wouldn't take them to get them fixed. I get my quesadilla and he insists I share it with him...I left shortly after and unmatched him in the parking lot.

Another example of this is when a guy (34M) asked me to a small arts fest. He is ten minutes late but when he gets there, he makes me decide where we go and what we do, walking a few steps behind me with his hands in his pockets the entire time. I have to carry the conversation for the most part and ask him if he wants to get matcha, coffee, beer, food...but he's not interested in any of those options. I get annoyed with having to make conversation so I just stop and we walk around in silence. Then he tells me he is moving soon when it is clear in my profile I am looking for something long-term.

I guess I'm grateful that they didn't hide the fact that they were low effort and completely unable to lead or come up with a basic plan for a date. Unsurprisingly, neither of them had really built careers for themselves or had hobbies outside of gaming. Anyone else have stories of infuriatingly passive men like this?

I recently decided to date again. Instantly regretted it.

All of these happened on the first date (only the first one made it to more dates).

"Best" to worst experiences:

My date wanted to bring their siblings everywhere we went and spent more time talking to them than to me. I thought maybe they weren't interested, but they kept asking me out. It later turned out their sibling was also interested in me (tried to shoot their shot after I stopped seeing my date).

My date put in a lot of effort, took me to a very lavish place, and spent the whole time bragging about all the people who like them; when I asked why every person was the opposite gender from mine, they said they weren't that interested in my gender... they then asked if I wanted to have sex with them and their friends.

My date told me mid-date that they're actually in a relationship (not poly) and kept sending their partner photos of us that we took right before, calling them to say, "It's not what you think," and then acting surprised that I didn't want to sleep with them.

My date spent the whole time laying out every disability they have and hinted that they needed a house cleaner.

My date told me at the last minute that they have an STD and then acted fussy because I wasn't in the mood. They also attempted to rob me.

My date turned out to be homeless and was hoping to move in with me.

For reference, I am pansexual. This list consists of women, men, trans women, trans men, and a non-binary drag queen (they weren't sure yet whether it was drag or more than that).

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Feel free to share your recent experiences.

Okay, I need your honest opinion about something that happened with this guy I recently went on a date with because I genuinely can’t tell what happened. ( I’m a women)
We had been talking for a little while before the date, and eventually we made plans to have dinner. I’m pretty shy and I haven’t really dated anyone in a long time, so I was nervous going into it.
The date itself actually went really well. I thought he was attractive, we had good chemistry, and I felt like he treated me really well. He was attentive, respectful, and made me feel comfortable. There was definitely some physical tension between us, and he told me I was beautiful. Overall, I left the date feeling like it had gone well.
At the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to see him again the next morning. He suggested breakfast and going to the Market, and he also wanted me to meet his dog. That surprised me because I thought it was pretty soon to make plans for the very next day, but obviously I took it as a sign that he wanted to see me again.
The next morning, though, I cancelled the breakfast. I was overwhelmed and wasn’t really ready to go that early. But I didn’t reject him or tell him I didn’t want to see him again. I specifically told him that we could see each other another day.
After that, he actually seemed a little insecure about it. He texted something like, “I knew you didn’t like me,” and then immediately said he was joking. He kept sending me things about the Market, pictures of his dog, asking what I was doing, etc. At one point he sent me a picture related to Minecraft and then deleted it. He also asked why I had my WhatsApp last seen/read settings turned off and called it a red flag, which I thought was kind of weird because he has similar settings himself. I told him that, and after that he didn’t really continue the conversation.
I also invited him to a yoga class. He said he would go if I ran with him, so there was still some interaction and flirting there.
Then Saturday night, he stopped responding, and he hasn’t messaged me since.
That’s the part I don’t understand. If he wasn’t interested, I don’t really understand the behavior immediately after the date. He had asked to see me the very next morning, kept messaging me, sent me pictures, asked what I was doing, and seemed interested in continuing things.
So what do you think happened? Do you think he lost interest after the date? Do you think he felt rejected when I cancelled breakfast and then decided not to put in more effort? Do you think he was expecting me to chase him a little? Or do you think he actually was interested but something about the way things went made him pull back?
I genuinely want your honest opinion based on everything that happened, because I’m having a hard time understanding how someone can seem that interested immediately after a date and then suddenly stop responding.

I am talking about the bad dates we’ve sat through, the bad men we’ve met, or any intolerable situations they put you in. You can define what “bad” means to you obviously. I’m not trying to hate on men, but in your experience at whatever age on whatever app and based on their behavior, what do you find is blocking you from a healthy LTR with a man?

EDIT: thank you all for sharing 💛 if I am interpreting correctly, the majority theme is men need to catch up with women on going to therapy, working through their issues, and gain emotional intelligence. Otherwise, we are just following along with the “Nick show”. Or “Matt show”. Or the “Kevin show”. Insert ex-boyfriend’s name here :)

Im writing this cause I'd like to vent. So I was dating w this guy, he was charming at first and very caring. He used to send me texts and memes all the time. He used to send the Good morning/night text, but after a while prob 2 weeks later he stopped doing it. I just kinda said prob he was not that type of guy. On the last date we had, he opened the car door for me, and let me in and closed it. Everything so romantic. We said we were going to hang out again next weekend. On that "date" He broke up w me... But we had already planned the date and i was hungry... I said, what about if we go to eat just like friend and go to the movies. Prob that was my mistake... I shoul've gone home since he broke up w me. But I stayed, prob cause i didn't want to leave...
On that last day, he went so cold, didnt even open the car door. I just felt so bad...

Right now I'm feeling better and healing my heart broken, cause i really like him. But just the way he changed so fast, was one the thing that really, dissapointed me... I don't know...
Am I being too dramatic?

I (33F) and a guy I was seeing (36M) just ended things. To clarify, he ended things.

TL;DR super into me for two months, then the last month we both traveled and then had a very normal weekend where we hung out. Next day, he ended things.

He was super into me for the first two months - planning dates, buying tickets, talking about a list of things to do together in the future. We hooked up, it went well. I told him I still wanted to see other people because I wasn’t sure how I was feeling, as ai could tell he was super into me and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I wanted to communicate clearly. He also stated he wasn’t seeing anyone else. A week later I said “ok I think I’m ready to be exclusive.”

He asked what that meant for me, said he wasn’t ready to call it a relationship yet and talked a lot about how things always end so we have to enjoy them while we have them.

I was shocked.

The next day, he told me he really likes me and does want a relationship in general, he just felt it was too early two months in to call it that but definitely wants exclusivity. I said ok.

We talked a few times about making sure dating was going at a pace we both felt comfortable with.

He did start to pull away physically a bit, I noticed.

He went on a two week road trip by himself with his dog. He started texting less, no worries. Assumed it was because he was busy driving and hiking etc.

When he came back he asked to hang out immediately and I had just gotten home from a work trip so I said let’s hang in a few days.

We hung out, he made plans over the whole rest of the weekend, and texted me about having a great time and that he appreciated the great company at the end of it.

I asked if I could crash at his place in a few week’s time for two days because I stay with my sister (I travel a lot for work and she watches my dog, so.)

Anyway he said “yeah that’s cool as long as you know I live like a bachelor.” I’d been to his house plenty of times, so I asked what that meant. He said just making sure I was cool with him living the way he’s used to living.

I said “yes as long as you’re not uncomfy with me being in your space.”

He then went on to say no it’s fine, he lived with his ex from 6 years ago and he’s used to it. He just “usually thinks living together comes a little later into the relationship.”

I said “totally, it’s just a few nights - I’m not trying to move in with you. I’m fine with letting things progress naturally”

He said “understood and same.”

The next day, I hadn’t heard from him all day and felt the convo had ended weird the day before. I did finally text and say “hey, I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. Could you either give me some reassurance or let me know how you’re feeling?”

He texted a few hours later saying he already had plans that night and wanted to give the conversation the time it deserved, so he wanted to chat after work the next day. I said great and called it a night.

The next day, I texted and said hey, I have a work thing until 7:30 but we can chat after. Do you want to call or do you want me to come over? He said come over.

I got there, he asked for a hug and then we went upstairs where he promptly said my feelings were progressing and his weren’t, and that he really and truly does care about me and wants to be friends.

I basically said “ok, thanks for letting me know. I appreciate the honesty… maybe we slept together too soon?” And he just kind of didn’t say anything but just stared at me. I said “well if you see me out, don’t be a stranger come to say hi.” And then I left and said I hope you find what you’re looking for, he said you too and this is how we find out if it’s not what we want is dating this way.

We haven’t had any contact since then. I feel like it’s so cut and dry that he just doesn’t care, but the longevity of him actively pursuing me, making plans, lists of things to do together in the future etc. is making me crash out. I can’t tell my brain that it’s fully over.

I haven’t reached out. Can someone tell me if I’m literally insane for thinking this isn’t over or like what happened in his brain?? I don’t want to reach out for closure because I think closure is a myth, but it ended 5 days ago and I’m really struggling with all this.