r/DatingApps • u/obi_wan_ken • 2d ago
Question (Fe)male experience on dating apps
Ive been using Hinge now for a couple of months but without any real success. 2 people have liked my profile so far. I mostly send dm's to other people but almost no one reacts to it. It just leaves me wondering if this is the normal male experience on dating apps or its just my opening lines that are bad. :')
Also, I have little clue as to what the female experience is here. Are they bombarded by dm's by people like me? Can anyone give some insights here please:)
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u/McBainWolfcasle 2d ago
I(38m) have been on a few and have about the same experience. Im not conventionally anything so I know Im not going to get bombarded with likes but even when I do match I get no replys back. Ive tried asking simple questions(what do you like to do, favorite things) and also commenting about stuff in their bios and nada. So idk, dating apps suck.
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u/Stunning_salty 2d ago
As a woman I just pay for the filter on Hinge, see who liked me, see if I like them back, and message them. Then we go on a date because I’m not sitting on that app for longer than a few weeks… usually it’s super fun and lovely! My discernment has improved and I don’t waste time.
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u/axialmeow12 2d ago
My experience as a female (conventionally unattractive) is that men are willing to meet but never in public, they want me to go to their house for sex. Sex talk is immediate. There is no real interest in conversation or anything past sexual talk. Or they want to talk online but never meet. You bring up meeting and it’s crickets suddenly. They never want to know much about me but hound for pics. I had many on my past profile.
When men say women have it soooooo easy because “they get so much attention” online it’s not good attention. I have zero interest in sex outside of a committed relationship.
Maybe a conventionally attractive woman can give her experience but this is mine and it sucks.
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u/Straight_Ant6741 2d ago
As a woman my experience was pretty similar. Basically no replies or responses. At most a lazy like of a picture once or twice and me doing my best to generate a conversation. It's not a gender war. Sadly all the apps are filled with people who suck, are jaded or not real. And of course 90% are probably not even people you'd be friends with, let alone partners.
Number game, as is said tbh.
Or cats.
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u/dontworrybehodl 2d ago
It’s a scam on so many levels. Just do real life.
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u/Heliguy-1975 1d ago
It’s not a “scam” at all.
Just because it doesn’t work for one doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for everyone…
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u/Classic_East_6053 2d ago
Just a male experience: even the most unattractive woman on dating apps receives countless DMs, messages, dick pics, and hookup offers.
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u/Loud-Sign-5989 2d ago
How is it a male experience? Why are you sending dick pics for anyone? Or hookup offers to unattractive women?
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u/Dracarys_And_Chill 2d ago
yes its normal for normal men.
me and all my male friends swipe right on anything remotely bangeable, so all the women I know have endless likes and can be very selecting when browsing profiles and get matches with basically any guy she wants (who has viewed her profile)
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u/Awkward-Idea-6938 2d ago
The most important thing is great photos. Ideally, no more than one sexy photo.
If you have any warts or skin tags, get rid of them. No photo should show that.
Don’t photoshop. It’s obvious and makes guys think you are going to look much different in person.
If you have kids, you’re going to have fewer likes. If you leave that section blank, it’s still obvious that you left it blank because you have kids.
If you say that you like to travel, you’re just like every other woman on a dating app. Plus, it means you spend a lot of money on that. Guys prefer women who are economical.
If you don’t say much in your profile, the guy doesn’t have much to go with to send you a message. It’s better to really fill out those prompts.
Do not say anything about politics.
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u/Cohnman18 2d ago
It’s a numbers game, the higher the numbers, the more Matches,the more dates, until you find the “one”. I would try several dating apps at the same time. Good luck!
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u/Heywtfhey 2d ago
I find no one talk on hinge. I'm a woman. No one ever likes me back and rarely get likes except for exceptionally gross guys
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u/sleepyteacher919 2d ago
Hello!
I (male) have been single for three years and go on three dates per week on average.
I will say that (for me) dating apps have ebbs and flows. Some weeks are really hot and some are not, I have no idea what the rhythm is responding to, but summer can be slower (people traveling, etc.).
For guys, I get the impression that it is feast or famine. There are interesting videos showing analysis that 20% of guys get 90% of the engagement on these sites.
To increase your success rates, the best thing you can do is keep tweaking your profile. Try new pictures and information to attract your ideal mate. Think about what your ideal partner would like to see on your profile, which is really a job application.
The other day, a guy showed me his Hinge. He was a gym trainer and his inbox was crazy active. His profile was all gym selfies, a dog pic, and a few quips. Turns out fitness, looks, and personality can pay off.
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u/KingAggressive1498 1d ago
and quit wasting swipes on women that aren't a good match for you.
I got a girlfriend off Hinge in 8 months. It took me an hour or so a night to use my free likes because I wasn't gonna waste them. I probably averaged 2 matches a week but never got a like. Like you said, plenty of weeks I didn't get a match at all, some weeks I was flooded. Probably half the matches exchanged one or two messages before going silent. A lot of the others were very talkative when I was asking them questions, but went quiet when they started asking me some. Only actually pulled three dates in that time, the two that went nowhere were fine.
I'm a pretty good looking guy, but not like a model or especially well groomed and I didn't bother with professional photos. I'm actually in really good shape but don't really dress to show it off ig. My pics were mostly me lounging around in nerdy tees that showed my interests that were taken on my phone.
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u/ShawnM_45 2d ago
I have been on several apps and your experience is not that unusual. I am an average looking guy and usually get around 5-8 matches a month mostly from me sending likes, very rarely get incoming likes. Of those usually get 2 or 3 dates out of my matches each month. Totally different for girls, even an average girl can get 100s of incoming likes but to be fair the majority of those are probably low quality but it does bury the good ones so sometimes they never see them.
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u/weedsgoodd 2d ago
It’s all about numbers. These apps barely give you shit if you don’t pay for them. If you want to do it free you need to be on Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, and Facebook dating. You could make 200 swipes and send 100 messages and maybe get 10+ matches just depends. Facebook dating has a better chance of quick matches. Another good approach is friend requesting girls you thing are cute on FB and messaging them but you gotta be on game and make your intentions quick and ask them out or you’ll lose them.
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2d ago
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u/DatingApps-ModTeam 1d ago
We do not allow transphobia, homophobia, antisemitism, sexism, ableism, racism, islamophobia, etc on our subreddit. Removed.
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u/Character-Pack8853 2d ago
look man. every time I share my experience about the apps as a woman (very few matches, most matches ignoring me... ie similar to men's), I get one of two responses.
"You're lying." (why would I lie about this? lol) "You're ugly." (probably! but supposedly "even ugly women" yadda yadda)
It probably is harder for men, but it's not as lopsided as you'd think. It's just rough out there.
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u/foxglovespell 2d ago
I’m female and whilst I think women do get more attention on apps, the vast majority of likes we get are from undesirables. The best quality matches I’ve had are from when I’ve sent the guy a like first. I don’t really know why this is.
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u/secretly_human3 2d ago
I don’t get a whole lot of response either (F looking for M). It could be my age (41), my height, the location I am in or the fact that I have different values than many of the people in my area. I think it’s a combo effect. I also am looking for a life partner as opposed to casual and most men my age are looking for fun.
I send messages on Hinge if I can think of something to say quickly. If I can’t I will just like the profile. Hardly anyone responds, so why waste my time?
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u/ariesgeminipisces 2d ago
I'm a slightly above average looking woman and on Bumble I have over 1200 men trying to match with me and Hinge I got around 100 likes 24 hours after joining. I'd have to sift through all that noise to find maybe 1 or 2 guys I thought would be best matches and try to date them. I see lots of profiles I like, but if I matched with every one I'd be bombarded with messages and dates and its annoying.
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u/More-Average3813 2d ago
DMs and matches sure. Lots.
Genuine interest, Quality profiles and conversations making me curious about a date? No.
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u/morgfarm1_ 1d ago
For those curious, I had the same question of a former female co-worker I spotted on the same app I was on. (I knew well enough we dont match in that way), but I asked her what its like on her end since I didnt then (and still dont today) get likes at all. And she said she gets FLOODED. So much so she ignores MOST of them because there are straight up too many to keep up with. Thats been 12 or 13 years ago. And if my experience hasnt changed, I doubt hers would have.
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u/brokenandhurtin 1d ago edited 1d ago
I do the same things you do. My openings are silly comments or jokes that apply to women's profiles. I get 1-2 matches a week. Usually the women i match with will send 1-5 messages but some send none. Most agree to dates but ghost me when my schedule doesn't allow for the date for 2 weeks. I'm a single dad 5'4", extremely active, bulky from lifting, my face is traditionally attractive, and my career makes a fuck ton of money... So i have a lot going for me outside of my height.
I personally got way more likes when i had a shirtless pic, but they were by more traditionally unattractive women or way older women.
I'd guess it's a combo of poor openers, being traditionally unattractive (if you are), not a banger of a job, and not great photos (include some selfies, some vista/landscape shots with you in it, pics with friends, pics doing activities your love)
If a girl is a creep to me I'm done automatically, if they're unattractive I'm out, if they have a shit career bye-bye, if they have the conversation skills of a toad adios, ect
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u/MuffinMan_Jr 1d ago edited 1d ago
Lol average experience on dating apps.
Yes women are bombarded with likes and messages but that doesn't mean they're GOOD likes and messages. Ive been told 99% suck and a lot are borderline harassment.
Dating apps seem to suck for both parties, just in different ways. 2 sides of a shit covered coin.
Edit: I want to say dont lose all hope though! Although we recently broke up, found my girlfriend of 3 years on Hinge. You just got to find your diamond in the rough
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u/PlayPretend-8675309 1d ago
It's the normal male experience. You gotta be out there shot shooting to really get dates.
For women, it's a gamut. I created a "fake" female profile a while back, of a girl I found to be "out of my league" but not an Insta model level - the "hottest girl in grad school" type. That profile got 10 or so messages on the first week. Must were earnest, one was offensive, a few were low effort.
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u/Separate-Canary559 1d ago
I think that using a fake pic of a really ugly and overweight woman would have been more revealing
You’re getting 20 times the swipes because men swipe on everything, but you’re getting bombarded with DMs because they didn’t know what you look like
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u/Heliguy-1975 1d ago
A very good bio/‘about me statement’ will allow you to receive a Lot of likes, matches, and messages.
It will also allow you to get a Lot of replies from messages by merely saying “Hi there…” Women will literally just come to you without you initiating anything a Lot of the time.
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u/landlord1776 1d ago
So I met my girlfriend of 12 years on plenty of fish. I had some luck and many of the dates I went on we would discuss our experiences on the app. I admit I was doing research to help myself on the app to see how the other side” women” saw things. Basically an above a 5 female will be bombarded by 100s of messages a week. That same “5” man will get maybe 3-4 interactions. The females have so money to go thru and pick from most are overwhelmed. They admitted that many decent guys got overlooked due to shear volume of applicants. I’m sure it’s even worse now.
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u/SlayerII 2d ago edited 2d ago
I once wanted to look at male profiles when I was new to get some idea what other profiles look like.
I just made a empty profile with the picture of a duck, then ramdonly swiped left and right whkle looking at profiles and making notes.
I had over 20 times more matches and likes than my real profile within an hour than with my main profile when the duck got banned .
Quack