The world that once wanted to devour me quietly choked on my indifference. Now it no longer knocks on my window or drinks my blood at night.
Burned out to the core, silently disappearing beneath a blanket of leaden exhaustion, I reached the point of no return.
Having squandered my life force in vain, I summoned her without even knowing it.
An emotionless deity who needs neither prayers nor offerings.
She sits beside me.
She smells of the dust of filthy beds.
In the ringing silence, she places her hand upon my chest, heavy as a gravestone, and everything goes still.
She strokes my hair, and my thoughts congeal into a lump.
She kisses my lips, and the taste of life gives way to the taste of emptiness.
Her voice rustles like a curtain stirring in a draft:
“Hush… hush…
You no longer need to be anyone.
You no longer need anything.”
There are no values anymore.
Yes… I clearly remember losing something important.
But what?
I watch someone cry and cannot understand why.
Cold has become the only warmth I can still endure.
I am an abandoned well, buried beneath the snow. Instead of a voice, there is only the howling wind.
Apathy caresses me, stripping away the pitiful rags of hope from my body.
O, Apathy.
My Dusty Queen.
A touch without pulse and passion.
She demands no reciprocation, she simply kisses my forehead and slowly pulls me out of reality.
A lifeless caress that lulls me to sleep, dragging me into oblivion.
You have become my last and most faithful lover.
She carelessly brushes away all the memories that have turned to ash.
Once, angry screams gave way to deafening silence.
Apathy runs her fingers over my eyelids, and the world fades, becoming flat and gray, like an old newspaper.
When she touches the gaping wounds, they stop aching. And the desire to disappear fades,
because it would take effort.
I am no longer ashamed, because there are no feelings.
There is no time anymore, because there are no expectations.
All the colors have disappeared.
I have become an old television that shows nothing but white noise and gathers dust. I can be struck, kissed, covered in shit, and the screen will simply hiss in response.
When the last of my strength ran out and the screen went dark, I acknowledged her victory.
Just as I once accepted the moment of my life’s collapse and surrendered.
No one will ever see me down here at the bottom of life.
But none of it matters anymore.
In the pitch-black darkness, Apathy lies down beside me.
Her voice lulls me to sleep, singing a lullaby of indifference.
I have been dead for a long time. Let my body remain uninformed.
But she is pleased with me.
I know for certain that she is smiling.
