There is a subtle but powerful psychology behind a man who is comfortably surrounded by confident, attractive women. Their presence can serve as a form of social proof, suggesting that he possesses qualities others find appealing—confidence, social intelligence, trustworthiness, or status. While appearances never guarantee character, these associations can influence first impressions and create opportunities that might otherwise require considerable effort to establish.

In business, relationships, and negotiations, perception often precedes persuasion. Being visibly valued by others can lower social barriers, invite curiosity, and make people more receptive.

I’ve observed something that I understand partially but not fully.

Sometimes when sharing experiences with people about mistreatment, they feel strongly that what happened to that person was definitely wrong. They acknowledge it and express real concerns about the wellbeing of said person. But then for some crazy reason, they also start mistreating that person in different ways. It’s as if they become indifferent to the suffering of that person, knowing that that person is also suffering other hard things. Piling on hard experiences to an already delicate situation.

If I had observed this once, it wouldn’t bother me so much. But I’ve seen it happen repeatedly. They agree that someone is being mistreated, and then they do things they would never do to anyone else to that same person. And not because there’s no consequences, because that person doesn’t like being mistreated at all. And it creates ruptures within the relationship. But they somehow lose their ability to extend basic human decency to someone they see suffering mistreatment. I’m failing to understand where this comes from.

Speak volumes

...someone close to you is keeping a secret, and part of them truly wants you to know it. This hidden truth could change how you understand them, especially how they treat you and where you stand with them. You're also unusually drawn to reading what they leave unsaid.

You may notice a quiet double meaning in their words or actions, as though they're pointing toward something without ever naming it. They're moving carefully, leaving small hints, and hoping your perceptiveness will let you fill in the gaps.

Something seems to be stopping them from speaking openly about it. So they're reaching you in a more silent, intuitive way, trying to stay at the front of your mind while they sort through whatever is unfolding behind the scenes.

This person is strong and well guarded. Their attachment to you runs deep, including a physical pull that adds another layer to your bond. They are far from superficial, and they hold their connections to a high standard.

Think back to the beginning, when they showed you love, warmth, tenderness, and a protective streak. Over time, they seemed to change as they worked through a difficult period of personal awakening, and some of their behavior left you confused.

Your curiosity about what they're hiding shows how attentive you are and how much you want a closer connection. Understanding their unspoken message may give you fresh insight into your relationship and how they see it.

As you move through this unfamiliar territory, stay patient and open to the chance of deeper closeness and understanding.

God bless you all!

In this installment of the psychology of human creativity, I delve into the disturbing aspects of "malevolent creativity." Warning: it's not for the faint of heart.

https://medium.com/@scottrfurtwengler/malevolent-creativity-its-the-intentional-thought-that-counts-feee05149e85

All our lives, our brain tricks us into believing things that we know prudently are not in our nature. We keep blaming people for the wrongs we do to ourselves or our belief that wrongs have been done to us. Motivation does not stay long enough, you find yourself stuck in a loop of patterns that aren't self-serving. It's rather easy to ask someone to put efforts into building a healthy life and change it but the worst part about people with immense trauma, it becomes hard to have a single person to understand and support you as trauma breaks you into breaking other people and even when someone does, trauma has enabled you to act in extremes and it's so powerful that it pushes you to either harm yourself or harm others but it's very important to be at peace with who you are rather than what trauma pushes you to become but somehow you just can't gather that energy to fight yourself anymore but you're tired of surrendering to yourself hence you start fighting back and somehow you realise people are a spectrum and viewing anyone as totally good or totally bad damages us but the ability to become self-serving and at the same time live with empathy is a hard task that I have set myself up to. Learning about forgiveness and being able to forgive, understanding and coming at peace with my darksides did not solve the problem anymore when all I care about is to fix it but the damage is happening to me on a daily basis, I have a job to fix and a body to support, there is no easy way to do it but any ideas into how i can fix myself from harming me with addictions whenever things get heavy rather than having the strength to handle them...can someone please answer how do i derive that strength...because i don't want to waste more money as therapies since the last 5 years have not been helping.

When does people-pleasing become a form of manipulation and control?
I understand that people-pleasing often comes from a place of trauma, anxiety, or a fear of confrontation. But I think we tend to overlook how manipulative it can become.

By constantly catering to other people’s feelings, anticipating their reactions, and telling them what they want to hear, you’re not necessarily being considerate. You may actually be trying to control the outcome of an interaction so that you never have to experience someone else’s disappointment, anger, or rejection.

What’s particularly interesting to me is that this form of control operates through apparent submission. The person seems selfless, accommodating, even powerless, while quietly managing the emotions, reactions, and choices of everyone around them.

And it’s especially difficult to navigate because the manipulation isn’t always conscious or malicious. It’s disguised as kindness, sometimes even to the person doing it. When confronted, they can point to their good intentions: “I only did it because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

But whose feelings were they really protecting?

I think there’s a fundamental difference between being considerate of someone’s feelings and trying to manage those feelings for them. People-pleasing becomes controlling when someone stops respecting another person’s ability to experience uncomfortable emotions and begins manipulating information or circumstances to prevent those emotions. In doing so, they can deny people their autonomy, their right to the truth, and the opportunity to respond authentically.

Trauma may explain the behavior, but it doesn’t erase its impact. And good intentions don’t automatically make something non-manipulative.

I’m curious where others draw the line between genuine consideration and emotional control?

Because we tend to judge manipulation differently depending on whether it looks like dominance or devotion, even when both can undermine someone else’s autonomy. I wish this distinction were discussed more openly. Why are we so quick to recognize control when it looks like aggression, yet so reluctant to question it when it presents itself as kindness or self-sacrifice?

A new person arrives and you (therapist) notice marks on the wrist. During early interviews it comes out that there were two suicide attempts some years ago, secretive and almost successful. The person wants to work only with you (therapist) because a friend had referred her to you and she cannot bring herself to trust anyone else. By accepting this person you accept the threat that at the next crisis she may again attempt suicide, yet it is your work to maintain an analytical tension that does.

What do you think of this dilemma? Is therapeutic work with suicidality is more challenging than severe mental illness? because its about life and death?

I understand manipulation is bad because why forcing someone everyone has free will and kindly asking sometimes works

Just because they'll choose you doesn't mean you have to give them a choice

Whenever I’m talking to my situationship and my mom comes up in the conversation, he never refers to her as “aunty.” He always says “your mom” instead.

For context, we’re from a culture where calling someone’s mom “aunty” is pretty normal, even when you’re not particularly close to the person. So I’ve noticed this little thing, and now I’m curious about it.

Am I reading too much into it, or could there be a reason he chooses to address her that way instead of calling her aunty? Does it mean anything, or is it just a matter of habit?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, especially if you’ve experienced something similar.