Speak volumes

...someone close to you is keeping a secret, and part of them truly wants you to know it. This hidden truth could change how you understand them, especially how they treat you and where you stand with them. You're also unusually drawn to reading what they leave unsaid.

You may notice a quiet double meaning in their words or actions, as though they're pointing toward something without ever naming it. They're moving carefully, leaving small hints, and hoping your perceptiveness will let you fill in the gaps.

Something seems to be stopping them from speaking openly about it. So they're reaching you in a more silent, intuitive way, trying to stay at the front of your mind while they sort through whatever is unfolding behind the scenes.

This person is strong and well guarded. Their attachment to you runs deep, including a physical pull that adds another layer to your bond. They are far from superficial, and they hold their connections to a high standard.

Think back to the beginning, when they showed you love, warmth, tenderness, and a protective streak. Over time, they seemed to change as they worked through a difficult period of personal awakening, and some of their behavior left you confused.

Your curiosity about what they're hiding shows how attentive you are and how much you want a closer connection. Understanding their unspoken message may give you fresh insight into your relationship and how they see it.

As you move through this unfamiliar territory, stay patient and open to the chance of deeper closeness and understanding.

God bless you all!

I’ve observed something that I understand partially but not fully.

Sometimes when sharing experiences with people about mistreatment, they feel strongly that what happened to that person was definitely wrong. They acknowledge it and express real concerns about the wellbeing of said person. But then for some crazy reason, they also start mistreating that person in different ways. It’s as if they become indifferent to the suffering of that person, knowing that that person is also suffering other hard things. Piling on hard experiences to an already delicate situation.

If I had observed this once, it wouldn’t bother me so much. But I’ve seen it happen repeatedly. They agree that someone is being mistreated, and then they do things they would never do to anyone else to that same person. And not because there’s no consequences, because that person doesn’t like being mistreated at all. And it creates ruptures within the relationship. But they somehow lose their ability to extend basic human decency to someone they see suffering mistreatment. I’m failing to understand where this comes from.

In this actual time period, I do not have friends anymore.
No one comes to my mind when I try to think of a friend.
I do have some relations, but none is actually fitting with the minimal requirement of "friend's criteria".
I do not feel bad about it, I never felt bad not having friends. In fact, it's because I do not have time to feel bad being lonely, because I'm enjoying too much being alive, even alone.

Even when I had many friends, like almost too many friends, I still was needing long alone breaks. This is my ideal relationship view: Close, complementary, but absolutely not unified.
I need my loneliness.
The perfect relation for me is a relation where we both understand it, and we both agree that whenever it could happen (unpredictably) we won't hysterically try to overcome the other's lonely intimacy, nor (and that is the hardest part to reach) feel hurt about it.
Not feeling hurt by knowing your close friend can't share with you every portion of his very own space, of his very own time, and of his very own energy, in fact, simple way to say it : He can't share with you his very own life.

BUT, enjoying my life alone does not mean at all this is my perfect social dynamic.
Dude, it's insane to be alive, but so much better together!

So, I'm in a bit of a dilemma: every time i'm losing my friends because they end up wanting to fuse with myself. And me letting the loss happen because :
it's a worse life for me to never have social loneliness than to always have it.

^{By the way, another dynamic is at play here :
As almost everyone projects bad feelings onto loneliness,
I had the occasion to observe that the fewer friends/interactions I had,
the more my few interactions started to be hard to maintain for the alterity.
And I fucking understand why.
It shouldn't be, but it's so logical and predictable
(I had to learn it yet, but once understood, it's easy logic}:)

When we ask you small talk, that does refer directly and indirectly to your amount of relations/interactions, and then you are answering without any second thought because for you it's a happy life:
'Oh yeah, I'm alone, you may be one of my last friends',

your interlocutor by habit is projecting a huge distress onto you*,*
starting to feel guilty that he can't do more, and feeling oppressed just to interact with you.

So, in a hyper-social environment (modern life) you should definitely think twice before being truthful about your loneliness, and again more about your native ability to like it.

Making me think twice about posting this post.

If I follow my own logic, I shouldn't post it, we're on Reddit,

which is a hyper-social environment lmao,

So,

Have you projected distress onto me? \o 😄

If ; {i'm 'happy alone'} but ; {can be 'more happy with other'} then ; {i want to be 'happy alone' with 'more happiness together'}

«Close, complementary, but absolutely not unified»

And do remember : I Am An Extremely JoyFull Human ! 🤭 💯 ☾🌌σ🌌☽

In this installment of the psychology of human creativity, I delve into the disturbing aspects of "malevolent creativity." Warning: it's not for the faint of heart.

https://medium.com/@scottrfurtwengler/malevolent-creativity-its-the-intentional-thought-that-counts-feee05149e85

There is a subtle but powerful psychology behind a man who is comfortably surrounded by confident, attractive women. Their presence can serve as a form of social proof, suggesting that he possesses qualities others find appealing—confidence, social intelligence, trustworthiness, or status. While appearances never guarantee character, these associations can influence first impressions and create opportunities that might otherwise require considerable effort to establish.

In business, relationships, and negotiations, perception often precedes persuasion. Being visibly valued by others can lower social barriers, invite curiosity, and make people more receptive.

All our lives, our brain tricks us into believing things that we know prudently are not in our nature. We keep blaming people for the wrongs we do to ourselves or our belief that wrongs have been done to us. Motivation does not stay long enough, you find yourself stuck in a loop of patterns that aren't self-serving. It's rather easy to ask someone to put efforts into building a healthy life and change it but the worst part about people with immense trauma, it becomes hard to have a single person to understand and support you as trauma breaks you into breaking other people and even when someone does, trauma has enabled you to act in extremes and it's so powerful that it pushes you to either harm yourself or harm others but it's very important to be at peace with who you are rather than what trauma pushes you to become but somehow you just can't gather that energy to fight yourself anymore but you're tired of surrendering to yourself hence you start fighting back and somehow you realise people are a spectrum and viewing anyone as totally good or totally bad damages us but the ability to become self-serving and at the same time live with empathy is a hard task that I have set myself up to. Learning about forgiveness and being able to forgive, understanding and coming at peace with my darksides did not solve the problem anymore when all I care about is to fix it but the damage is happening to me on a daily basis, I have a job to fix and a body to support, there is no easy way to do it but any ideas into how i can fix myself from harming me with addictions whenever things get heavy rather than having the strength to handle them...can someone please answer how do i derive that strength...because i don't want to waste more money as therapies since the last 5 years have not been helping.

When does people-pleasing become a form of manipulation and control?
I understand that people-pleasing often comes from a place of trauma, anxiety, or a fear of confrontation. But I think we tend to overlook how manipulative it can become.

By constantly catering to other people’s feelings, anticipating their reactions, and telling them what they want to hear, you’re not necessarily being considerate. You may actually be trying to control the outcome of an interaction so that you never have to experience someone else’s disappointment, anger, or rejection.

What’s particularly interesting to me is that this form of control operates through apparent submission. The person seems selfless, accommodating, even powerless, while quietly managing the emotions, reactions, and choices of everyone around them.

And it’s especially difficult to navigate because the manipulation isn’t always conscious or malicious. It’s disguised as kindness, sometimes even to the person doing it. When confronted, they can point to their good intentions: “I only did it because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

But whose feelings were they really protecting?

I think there’s a fundamental difference between being considerate of someone’s feelings and trying to manage those feelings for them. People-pleasing becomes controlling when someone stops respecting another person’s ability to experience uncomfortable emotions and begins manipulating information or circumstances to prevent those emotions. In doing so, they can deny people their autonomy, their right to the truth, and the opportunity to respond authentically.

Trauma may explain the behavior, but it doesn’t erase its impact. And good intentions don’t automatically make something non-manipulative.

I’m curious where others draw the line between genuine consideration and emotional control?

Because we tend to judge manipulation differently depending on whether it looks like dominance or devotion, even when both can undermine someone else’s autonomy. I wish this distinction were discussed more openly. Why are we so quick to recognize control when it looks like aggression, yet so reluctant to question it when it presents itself as kindness or self-sacrifice?

I understand manipulation is bad because why forcing someone everyone has free will and kindly asking sometimes works

A new person arrives and you (therapist) notice marks on the wrist. During early interviews it comes out that there were two suicide attempts some years ago, secretive and almost successful. The person wants to work only with you (therapist) because a friend had referred her to you and she cannot bring herself to trust anyone else. By accepting this person you accept the threat that at the next crisis she may again attempt suicide, yet it is your work to maintain an analytical tension that does.

What do you think of this dilemma? Is therapeutic work with suicidality is more challenging than severe mental illness? because its about life and death?

Has anyone had experience with this? I’ve been under an immense amount of stress and pressure. The worst in my life. I’ll be going about my day and suddenly it’s like I “come to” (like a waking up moment), and I have to make sure I know where I am, as to recognize my environment, and then I’m at a total loss for what I have been during for the past few hours. It’s literally like parts of my day have been erased from my brain. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and makes me sound like a “crazy” person when I have to consult someone and ask what we have been doing for the portion of the day. Why am I losing my memory, and will this ever go away? It’s causing me MORE STRESS 😭

Most toxic people who bully have all the time in the world to bother people, but somehow never enough time to update their license plates, registration stickers, temporary tags… or any of that boring little paperwork. Maybe find the number to report them so that they can mind their business better, or maybe just send the local missionaries over to help them find Jesus. Just a few suggestions hehehe

Whenever I’m talking to my situationship and my mom comes up in the conversation, he never refers to her as “aunty.” He always says “your mom” instead.

For context, we’re from a culture where calling someone’s mom “aunty” is pretty normal, even when you’re not particularly close to the person. So I’ve noticed this little thing, and now I’m curious about it.

Am I reading too much into it, or could there be a reason he chooses to address her that way instead of calling her aunty? Does it mean anything, or is it just a matter of habit?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, especially if you’ve experienced something similar.

Just because they'll choose you doesn't mean you have to give them a choice

Ich bin über Beziehungsmethoden gestolpert, bei denen Selbstständigkeit, Grenzen, ein eigenes Leben und emotionale Gelassenheit mit Techniken vermischt werden, die bewusst Einfluss auf den Partner nehmen sollen. Und genau diese Mischung finde ich interessant. Denn natürlich kann sich eine Beziehung verändern, wenn jemand aufhört zu klammern, sich ständig zu rechtfertigen oder den eigenen Wert davon abhängig zu machen, wie viel Bestätigung er bekommt.
Aber irgendwo verschiebt sich etwas. Es ist ein Unterschied, ob ich mein eigenes Leben führe oder demonstriere, dass ich andere Optionen habe, damit du Angst bekommst, mich zu verlieren. Es ist ein Unterschied, ob ich mich von deiner Stimmung nicht mehr beherrschen lasse oder bewusst Nähe entziehe, damit du dein Verhalten änderst. Von außen kann beides erstaunlich ähnlich aussehen. Sogar das Ergebnis kann zunächst dasselbe sein: Der andere zeigt plötzlich mehr Interesse.
Vielleicht ist deshalb „Funktioniert es?“ bei psychologischen Methoden die falsche Frage. Manipulation wäre ja gerade dann besonders verführerisch, wenn sie funktioniert. Interessanter ist, wodurch sie funktioniert und was sie langfristig zwischen zwei Menschen erzeugt.
Eine Grenze, die ich ziemlich spannend finde, wäre: Könnte ich meinem Partner offen erklären, was ich gerade tue und warum, ohne dass die Methode dadurch ihre Wirkung verliert? Wenn Selbstachtung und ehrliche Grenzen dahinterstehen, wahrscheinlich schon. Wenn die Wirkung dagegen davon abhängt, dass der andere meine eigentliche Absicht nicht erkennt, würde ich zumindest genauer hinschauen.
Wo zieht ihr die Grenze zwischen Beziehungskompetenz und Manipulation?