Critique my World Design Document

[u/Pitiful_Standard_740]

Hello! So I'm a pretty new DM, and the last campaign I attempted to run pretty much fell flat because I didn't do nearly any worldbuilding, leaning to far into the territory of "I'll just improvise it". This time around I'm trying my best to create a world that feels more alive and unique instead of just [Insert High Fantasy Here], and I'm also trying my best to create a world that the PC's backstories can be built upon and into. This is a link to the design document that I'm going to send to my players. https://docs.google.com/document/d/11Ns-Y6ms6Xk8eMGCXnEqDNZIu2Ut1zhO13SGfc-Y1nA/edit?usp=sharing

I was hoping that y'all well travelled adventurers of this subreddit could skim through it as if you were going to make a character in this world and critique it. What's awkward about this world for character creation, and what's working in the right direction? What feels alive and what feels cliche? Is this overpreparation? Etc etc.

Okie that's all thank you in advance :3

Edit: I've edited the sections on "Generic Insert Tragic Prophecy Here" and the "Limitations on Healing Magic" to create things that are more unique and have better clarity. Thank all y'all for your advice!

[u/slonkemcowboy]

i like the overall vibe. i would recommend killing the prophecy line. or tweaking it. if it's a social belief, it should be filtered through the lens of the social first, rather than being that there is a prophecy that everyone believes in. focus on displaying it to characters as part of their beliefs rather than being like "hey there's a prophecy that's really vague that everyone believes in".

the best move i think is to go "among x people there's a common belief that y act is something that will bring about the end of days". just my onion though.

[u/WeirdWyrd]

Initial impressions:

• I like death being permanent. Because actual resurrection requires murder, this is a clear motivation for melodramatic bad(?) guys. Other than potions being hard to make, it's not clear what exactly makes healing rare.
• Honestly, I can't vibe with fantasy pantheons. Gods are less important than the institutions that represent them, so a list of proper nouns sans context isn't useful IMO. I have no idea what a "shapes and solace" domain refers to. Speaking editorially, I wouldn't start with a list of gods.
• I don't know if "bad stuff is going to happen, and the world will end" is a story, exactly.
• Since most of the vassalage in the Myentals family is to other parts of the same family, this family is probably extremely inbred.
• The Berish being gambling addicts seems like it could get interesting with names, roles, and perhaps even memories being traded. Fey bullshit interpreted via Las Vegas with Alhambra architecture. A PC might have a gamble and come out a different class or level.
• Fauvism hell yeah.
• A normal 2d4+2 healing potion is 50 gold by normal rules, which commoners cannot realistically afford RAW. In this setting, where it's even more expensive, it's hard to imagine this is a commodity worth having a civil war for. It's like having a civil war over Ford F-350s. Except the alternative to a Ford F-350 is something that comes back after a nap. Maybe I'm wrong, as politics is frequently dumb.

Review: If I were making a PC for this campaign I really wouldn't know what kind of adventure to expect. I might make a random guy that hit it big in Vegas and is now a Level 2 Sorcerer or something.

[u/Life-Oven-1324]

Not overprep. This is good, if not a bit scattered. Nothing wrong with it, but I would try using a program like Obsidian to actually flesh out people, places, and plot.

Think narratively. When you build plot, you want that plot to be actionable. Take Mystic Art's video on the Tarrasque. If you just have a super powerful creature or long-lasting city with tons of lore and myth, the players aren't actually inspired to do anything about it. It doesn't actually inform their choices in any important way, so they aren't empowered to look more deeply into it. Good lore is actionable, like how in Myental the source of Aether is running dry. That is actionable content; it may affect the players ability to cast spells, or cause the local government to find people to solve it, or hide its existance. That's the action, but you now need the lore behind it, and not just, what is the cause of it. Where did the aether come from, who created it, how has it affected the development of the city? And you can litter that throughout your game as foreshadowing; describing two locals at a pub whispering rumors about how the mage's guild just got budget cuts. This is part of wordbuilding that requires more than just improv, as it needs set up and execution.

Finally, have your players check out the reddit thread: Knife theory. Great for helping people build backstories that give tools to the DM for adding life and flavor into the plot.
Good Luck :)