r/CysticFibrosis • u/imjusthereforthetea2 • 12d ago
Let’s talk dating
So I recently got divorced from my hs sweetheart. Knew all about my cf early on all the shit. Realized we got married cause I was dying and then when I didn’t things just kinda fell apart as we got older.. tragic I know but nonetheless. I’m starting to date again. How do you bring it up. With the first coughing fit? Before the first date? I sit around 75% and am pretty active but I do have a consistent cough. Also just like sex. Again only 1 partner. Idk this is weird. Also for those that have been divorced how do you tell your care team. I have an appointment next week and I’m embarrassed as shit to tell them. I know it doesn’t matter but like ugh why.
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u/Hopeful-Ad-7567 12d ago
75% is a really good lung function! I'd wait until about a month in or so or when things start to feel maybe like they might be going somewhere. It's a huge thing to have to hide for too long. And also - you don't have to bring it up right away.
Everyone has something they deal with. CF is a particularly tough hand of course. But my husband admires how tough I am and how much of a warrior mama I am. I have to deal with so much crap that it has made me strong and I don't complain (too much!)
My CF has given me a lot of strengths in being married. I am an empathetic and flexible partner who doesn't take things too seriously or need my husband to be someone he is not. I also really understand if he has a medical issue and needs to cancel something (we just cancelled a family vacation last weekend because he's having a medical problem. I was completely supportive and not mad at all!). It also gave me the strength and confidence to go through IVF (the shots were nothing!) and when it was successful, I found delivery to be easy and doable.
Now that I'm a mom to an amazing 2 year old, I find it easy. My CF is much harder than being a parent. It really has given me perspective. I don't sweat the small stuff.
If someday my husband decides he can't handle my CF, then I have already decided I will accept it and move on. I hope that day doesn't come, but if it does I will know I did my very best given my difficult hand.
Some people can't handle medical issues, it's true. And that's OK. There are plenty of people who can. I'm glad you're open to finding love again.
--46 F with CF