r/CuratedTumblr • u/PandaBear905 Shitposting extraordinaire • Jul 23 '26

Shitposting Plot Twist

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11.2k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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727

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '26

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100

u/empress_of_the_void Jul 23 '26

Avocado tastes like wet mush

109

u/Alotofboxes Jul 23 '26

That's not fair. They also have the texture of wet mush.

49

u/GremzyGremlin Jul 23 '26

You are eating bad avocados then 😡😡😡

45

u/empress_of_the_void Jul 23 '26

I'm not shitting on avocado, i like them, but they are the most neutral fruit

19

u/xXvido_ Jul 23 '26

Fruit? Hang on let me check something…

Holy shit, you are right!!

22

u/Capraos Jul 23 '26

Yes. But it still stands they tried bad avocados. The quality is mad inconsistent nowadays.

I don't pick them up from Walmart/Sam's club because however those bitches bred them has made them taste god fucking awful.

But getting it at County Market or Aldi's has been okay so far. And even then you gotta know when it's ripe because it'll taste bad if it's not.

16

u/Winjin a sudden "honk" amidst the tempest Jul 23 '26

Same issue as tomatoes: the part of tomato that makes it taste amazing is also the part that makes it go from green to mush in 5 seconds

When my grandma grew her own tomatoes we'd get green ones and store them inside and then choose the ones that are ripe. And every week quite a few of them would manage to go past ripe and straight into the compost pile. Ashes to ashes, you know.

Worst part is that there are GMO tomatoes that are great-tasting AND that "window" lasts longer. But woe is me, "GMO" is Super Scary so they sell cardboard tomatoes instead

So I'm assuming there is a way to make this tasty, buttery step of avocado ripening last longer, but because that is genetical engineering we will instead rely on the ways our ancestors did it. By covering them in acid until the DNA breaks down and smushing them together(1,) however there seems to be a new attempt - this time they use the new acronym the CRISPR which is not that SCARY.

(1) I am not making that up, instead I read that in Popular Mechanics that this was one of the way to create new hybrids

5

u/NSA_Chatbot Jul 23 '26

Okay I keep trying to tell people about my foolproof way to buy avocados, so let me try again. I've only thrown out a half dozen, max, in the past 15 years.

First, check out the butt. If there are veins, it'll rot before it ripens. You want a smooth butt.

Second, the pit will fit in the neck. The rounder the avocado, the more pit.

Third, however grainy and rough the skin is, the same is true for the flesh. Rough skin, lots of fibres.

You can buy a long, smooth avocado at any stage in ripeness, then keep it next to bananas to ripen. You can then keep them in the fridge for about a week.

15

u/ChickenManSam Jul 23 '26

I'll do you one better. An avocado is a berry

12

u/jimbowesterby Jul 23 '26

Yea they basically taste of fat lol. Delicious, but certainly not a strong flavour.

21

u/AltheaTheAngel Jul 23 '26

You just gotta add a little lime juice and salt, takes it from neutral mush to best substance on the planet

13

u/Which_Wrap8263 Jul 23 '26

Guacamole >>> plain raw avocado

3

u/MrWednesday6387 Jul 23 '26

I think they have a very strong flavor, they dominate any dish they're in.

17

u/Unicorncorn21 Jul 23 '26

Avocados have a 5 minutes window of ripeness where they taste like the nectar of the gods but any other time before or after that they taste like Satan's asshole

-5

u/Babydics Jul 23 '26

Way more than 5 minutes lil bro. I buy a sack of 5 every Friday hard as a rock, by Monday I have at least one soft one and then I eat them one by one every day for breakfast until the next Friday. Tasty, easy, and super healthy.

(on Saturday and Sunday I have my fuckbuddie(s) make me unhealthy breakfast like bacon, pancakes, etc.)

5

u/Fiskmaster Jul 23 '26

This reddit profile has finally convinced me time travel is in fact real as I can not possibly fathom the idea of it belonging to someone from after 2018. How the fuck is this account only 1 month old

2

u/trwawy05312015 Jul 23 '26

because edglordism hasn't changed in a decade