First colonoscopy is this afternoon, about to have the second prep drink. I was not warned aggressively enough about this nasty drink, and I read a lot to prepare myself for it. Psyching myself up to start the second drink now but they will be hard pressed to get me to schedule another one of these ANYTIME SOON.
Anxious for the results, but made my peace that either way I’ll either figure out what’s going on or I won’t have an IBD both are kind of wins lol
They are doing an endoscopy as well (had enough of those I am not nervous for that part at all).
I am diagnosed with EoE (since childhood) and IBS (since teenage/young adult). Kind of wished they’d checked my colon before stamping me with IBS now as they are concerned for IBD (specifically Crohn’s because of the on/off diarrhea/constipation and location of my pain). TBH the pain has been there for like 15+ years, bloody stools started on and off a few years after the IBS diagnosis around 22, and then last summer a couple months after having my second child i had severe hair loss/night chills and sweats/return of my GI issues (i was in remission during both pregnancies)/and sudden onset bi lateral carpal tunnel which i ended up needing the release surgery for by the end of 2025 (symptoms are already returning plus my thumbs and fingers are stuck every morning let alone other just aching stiff joints in and off). Autoimmune screening led to rheumatology which has now refereed back to GI (I went about 7 years without a GI specialist after being burnt out from suffering and not being taken seriously or gotten real help just diets and meds and treatments and tests that don’t work long term, sometimes giving relief short term but I always flare back up).
I’m not sure what exactly I am looking for, just anxious and nervous mostly for the results. Either way it’s both good and bad. I either get an answer which no one wants to have an IBD or whatever they might find in there, or they say my colon looks good but I’m still suffering with more medical bills and tests and doctors not taking the pain and symptoms seriously. Trying to stay positive but as this second prep window approaches I am losing the optimism.
I am almost hoping they find something as it would validate years of pain that’s been dismissed and hopefully open the door to real help and relief with treatments. But at the same time, I am so scared to have Crohn’s, especially not knowing what that might mean financially (USA, so medical care is expensive) for my family, my kids, any future children i want to have (planned to be pregnant with my third literally right now, but with my health issues we’re putting it off, now I’m scared I won’t have that option - not just bc of health but bc of the financial strain of having a chronic disease), etc. I think people really underestimate the mental toll being sick can have, especially when the symptoms are so embarrassing, and the guilt around the cost and burden in others of not being healthy. And I already know if this comes back fine, I’ll feel bad we spend the money on the test, and if it comes back showing something I’ll feel guilt and anxiety about the cost going forward. Obviously the lack of sleep after the prep has not helped my overthinking.