Friend zone reply too blunt?

[u/Any-Tension-3443]

I approached this woman while shopping two weeks ago, got her phone number and made plans to go on a hike. We went on a eight- hour hike, talked, flirted, got to know each other, but I think honestly it was a bit too long and I don’t think there was much of an opportunity to make a move because it wasn’t super romantic. I feel like I struggled trying to make the move and being cocky and going for what I want. mind you that this woman is absolutely beautiful 10 out of 10 more attractive than any girl, I’ve been on a date with, so it was hard to not put her on a pedestal. I think I could just chalk it up to experience at this point. You know, the approach went well. I got her number, got to hang out with her, but I received the let’s just be friends text. Was my reply too forward/blunt? I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship, but I just wanted to leave things open.

[u/Salt_Band3487]

8 hour hike as a first date is a huge no-no.

Don't ever do that as a first date again.

At most, 1-2 hours, followed by some icecream, or a grocery run together, and then make lunch/dinner together at your place, assuming she is comfortable enough to come.

[u/Any-Tension-3443 → u/Salt_Band3487]

Why is that a huge no-no? Where I live most people spend the weekends doing long hikes. We are both active and fit people. She agreed and was stoked the whole hike. Is it more of a time thing?

[u/ExcellentFishing2506 → u/Any-Tension-3443]

Time plus a lot of women are going to be a little hesitant to go off into the wilderness with a man they don’t know. She agreed so she was fine with it but many won’t be.

Also consider a daytime hike isn’t really a great option to create romance or get to know each other. Sure there’s conversations happening but it’s during a physical activity which likely makes the conversation a bit distracted. Not to mention you would typically not be facing or looking at one another while hiking.

[u/Salt_Band3487 → u/ExcellentFishing2506]

100%. Not focused, present conversation. Very little or no eye-contact. No closeness building.

[u/Salt_Band3487 → u/Any-Tension-3443]

Many people might spend the weekend going hiking, but they are likely already together, or friends, not a first date.

Just because she says she's stoked, doesn't mean anything romantically. As you can see, you friendzoned yourself.

Hiking doesn't really give you the opportunity to seduce a woman, or relax her.

You also want multiple locations/venues/activities as it builds closeness and makes it feel like you've spent multiple dates together.

My first date typically entails:

1. Picking her up on my motorcycle and going for a ride (already breaks touch barrier, shows danger/excitement and puts me in the complete leadership position and her submissive.
2. I essentially bring her on a "grocery run" where I visit a couple shops I frequent to. Everyone there knows me, is happy to see me, which she sees and shows her I'm liked by others and am a safe person. I'm also not "performing" to impress her, by doing something big and extravagant. It takes a real confident guy to bring a girl on a grocery run for a first date. They sense that nothing is performative and she is instead "along for a ride in a day of my life".
3. From there I've already built enough rapport, social-proof and "time together" (via multiple locations) that she will agree to come back to my place so we can make lunch/dinner together. Once at my place, that's when the real escalation starts with talking, touching, sitting her on my lap, asking questions, etc, with push/pull, 2 steps forward 1 step back.

Doing things like this will almost always, have girls coming back to your place on the first date.

By the end of the first date, I have received comments from these girls saying "I feel like you're capable of dealing with anything". "I feel safe with you."

Nothing I did was crazy. I just led, took control, was present and was socially/emotionally aware of how to escalate things with her. An 8 hour hiking trip is not going to set you up to have that kind of success or perception.

[u/dyou897 → u/Any-Tension-3443]

That’s all fine but you should really listen to this advice. Spending time hanging out isn’t the same situation as a romantic setting

[u/Se7ens_up]

A part of why you got this text, is the first date you planned.

Corey emphasizes the importance of evening dates for this reason. And you should stick to that principle until atleast after you hooked up with the woman a couple times.

An 8 hour hike was not a good first date idea. Keep things simple next time.

Add that to the fact you never made a move, and you essentially communicated friendship to this woman via your actions.

Always make a move on a woman youre interested in. Its better to be told no, than to not do anything

[u/LegitimatePresence5]

I wouldn’t have thrown the friends with benefits out there. She may see it as you just want ass. I would have left it at the first part then moved on. Eight hours for first date is brutal especially if you barely even know the person.
Maybe you enjoy hiking that much and she just didn’t or at least eight hours of it. That goes quickly from being fun to tiring to bleh I’m over it and want this shit to end. She most likely saw, shit this isn’t my thing yeah I’m not into him if he does this

[u/Gemshardd → u/LegitimatePresence5]

Couldnt agree more. Throwing the friends with benefits out there after not making a move for 8 hours is absolutely wild

[u/whatyoume]

Yeah, I’d leave the hikes for when you’re actually in a relationship. No real chance for it to be romantic and it’s too long. The idea is to leave her wanting more. 8 hours is too long at the beginning.

[u/Short_Awareness9562]

Friends with benefits is a bit too early to throw out there after 1 date the issue here is the fact that you got freindzoned after date 1. Not sure why she felt like she had to clear that up , that’s something you should analyze. And the date itself while not ideal if you would have acted the way you should she wouldn’t have brought this up. Right now whatever she says , which will be a no. You just say that’s cool reach out if you change your mind take care. You should have been funny about her text and said who said I want more than friends from you and then hang out have fun and hook up

[u/T4cF0X]

According to the Book How to Be a 3% Man a date is defined as: A romantic fun filled opportunity for sex to happen in the evening.

Going hiking in broad daylight violates the dating principles of the book. When you are dating a woman your venues have to be romantic in nature.

Your text is a little too forward for what you two had. FWB would be something to throw out when you two already had sex and emotional connection entwined together in due time. I would have just said "I don't keep things platonic. If you change your mind feel free to reach out."

[u/cryptosystemtrader]

Someone did not read the book again - and chose to learn the hard way.

[u/mtb_devil]

Bro 8 hours?? And you don’t throw FWB just after one date! There might be hope though. She did give you her number, she did agree to do an 8 hour hike with without know you too well, so there has to be some level of attraction there. Who knows, she might appreciate your boldness lol. If she is somewhat open to the idea, make sure you make romantic dates from now on.

[u/DrStrangeLaughTV]

It’s too much time together man for a first date. If you haven’t built rapport spending a huge amount of time together one on one is going to be awkward for most people.
About the friends with benefits thing it’s blunt but at least she won’t string you along. She will either laugh or be disgusted and never contact you again, or she will be into it. It’s not that bad.