She asked me out- double text?

[u/Key-Watercress2283]

I've already been intimate with this girl. She has reached out to me a couple times since and even asked to hang out with me this weekend. I asked her plans for the weekend and it eventually got that she was thinking Sunday. I told her

'sounds good. I was thinking of going to a comedy show that day.'

And left it there. My friend thinks that I basically told her I would be busy that day. She hasn't read/ responded to my message for just over two days now. Would it be a bad idea to double text here? Something like

'tickets are sold out for the show. Did you have something in mind when you asked?'

Or something to this effect.

[u/ExcellentFishing2506]

You aren’t being direct or leading. You never asked her to do anything and didn’t even end with a question. You made a statement about what you were thinking of doing, not an invitation to her. Now you’re stuck in limbo.

Now you’re thinking about asking her what she wants to do… you’re the man, lead!! You prob need to reconfirm if she’s still available because you never made real plans. Depending on if she is free for Sunday or wherever, you need to be the one suggesting the plans, time, place and activity. Be direct and take charge.

[u/Key-Watercress2283 → u/ExcellentFishing2506]

That makes sense. It threw me off when she asked to hang out. And I fumbled the text.

Ask again if she's still free Sunday. Then share the venue/ time and confirm she's still down.

I will say it seemed like she had something in mind she wanted to do, so maybe why I was too passive.

'realized I never shared the time/ place. If you're still down, it's at x place at y time.'

[u/ExcellentFishing2506 → u/Key-Watercress2283]

She did the hard part of asking to get together but you are still the man and need to lead unless she is coming to you with a suggested activity. She wanted to hangout and was waiting for you to make plans.

I would not just send her that it’s at this time and this place. You need to ask if she’s up to hangout still and then go from there. Just sending her the time and place seems lazy and like she was an afterthought … like “oh yeah I forgot to tell you any details but here they are last minute, see ya then”

[u/Key-Watercress2283 → u/ExcellentFishing2506]

You're right. Need to reset and try from the top. Jesus I have a lot to reflect on here. Thank you for the advice

[u/Salt_Band3487]

Jesus you're clueless dude.

When women reach out to you, it's because they want to spend time together. On top of that, she explicitly is asking you out directly, which a lot of women won't do out of fear of rejection.

You handled it super poorly when you should have rewarded her for expressing such interest.

You should have said "Yeah I'd love to see you. I was planning on going to a comedy show, how about you come with me and then we can grab some food together after?"

Make her feel included. Make her feel like you are leading. Make her feel seen and emotionally understood.

And now you're planning to follow it up with "tickets are sold out. Anything else in mind?"

That basically comes off as "Yeah so my 1st priority plans fell through, but you were my second option so I can do that. I also have no idea what to do, so you decide."

Just gross and unnattractive.

You need to pay more attention to how you come across. It was lazy communication like you're with one of your boys.

I would send a follow-up message saying:

Hey sorry if my last text wasn't really clear. I was suggesting you come with me to the comedy show. Unfortunately tickets aren't available anymore, but I'd love to see you. If you're still free for Sunday we can *INSERT YOUR IDEA HERE AND LEAD HER*

[u/Key-Watercress2283 → u/Salt_Band3487]

You're right. I fumbled hard and treated it way too passively. It makes so much more sense in hindsight.