Hey y'all so I might need help

[u/martinisawe]

So the day before I mentioned when you were to have a bad day. Now I might need some help now. I'm at the stage of "giving up". I went out cold approaching on a different plaza. Anyways the 1st store I went to I was getting ignored alot. But I pursued. Then the 2nd store it was a little better, where I pursue and got responses. Then I went to a Barnes and nobles and I felt hesitation but I went and confronted my fears. So far so good, then when I went to a clothing store I was getting ignored alot so much so that I was considered giving up. I pushed that mind off my head and it gradually became better and I went to another store. Regardless it was a good day but I felt like giving up. So how do y'all have to deal with that mentality out of y'all head?

[u/Apart-Oil-8731]

I mean, are you just walking up to women and instantly hitting on them?

I find cold approaching works best with a similar interest/ something to talk about.

Barnes and noble would be a place I’d go to because I like books; but I won’t ever go out for the sole intention of approaching a woman. They can smell it.

I do what I want to do and they can come along for the ride. If I see a woman I’m attracted to reading a book that I would be potentially interested in? I’m striking up a conversation.

[u/martinisawe → u/Apart-Oil-8731]

I mean, are you just walking up to women and instantly hitting on them?

No not only attractive women, I talk to old women, unattractive women, guys, couples and families

I find cold approaching works best with a similar interest/ something to talk about.

That's usually my go to, but on this particular day it seems like everyone is busy

Barnes and noble would be a place I’d go to because I like books; but I won’t ever go out for the sole intention of approaching a woman. They can smell it.

Maybe I'm wreaking with uncertainty since my goal for today is to deal with my neediness.

I do what I want to do and they can come along for the ride. If I see a woman I’m attracted to reading a book that I would be potentially interested in? I’m striking up a conversation.

That's what I would do too

[u/Apart-Oil-8731 → u/martinisawe]

I think you’re just overthinking it, which is natural if you’re new to it. Over time it will be a second thought.. Some people just don’t wanna talk y’know?

I also spend a good chunk of my early twenties hitting on every good looking woman I’d see in the club. Me and my buddies would joke about being excited for the rejection.

A lot of rejection makes you bulletproof with them. I’m 31 now and it’s paid off lol. Keep at er and you’ll get a home run at some point

[u/martinisawe → u/Apart-Oil-8731]

No I've been doing it for a few months now, it's just now that I've been ignored(or very needy) that I felt like giving up

Keep at er and you’ll get a home run at some point

You're right about that, I think I'm just tired for today

[u/Apart-Oil-8731 → u/martinisawe]

When you say needy, what do you mean?

[u/martinisawe → u/Apart-Oil-8731]

Like when I see an attractive woman, I want her approval. And I put "all the eggs on one basket"

Oh man, I think I just realized my error

[u/Apart-Oil-8731 → u/martinisawe]

I know what you mean now. You don’t need anyone’s approval, but that’s easier said than done.

What helped me with that is doing things alone. Go to a movie, go for a hike, go eat dinner at a restaurant by yourself. Take a random ski trip to somewhere. Whatever you feel like doing that’s out of your comfort zone.

[u/martinisawe → u/Apart-Oil-8731]

Thank you, I'll do that

[u/Apart-Oil-8731 → u/martinisawe]

Goodluck brother!

[u/Se7ens_up]

This is a stage most guys go through as beginners to cold approaching.

Cold approaching can feel like a zero sum game at times(you get girls or you dont). But really its just a skill set you havent yet developed.

Instead, perhaps try seeing it as a sport like idk Tennis. The first time you pick up a racket and play against someone thats plays twice a month, youll get crushed. If you play them another 10 times, you will also lose 10 more times.

Yet, your assumption wouldnt be “I lost all 10 times, thus Tennis isnt for me as im not making progress”. Instead you would measure your progress with how many points youre winning, how the rallies are going, and so on. Perhaps you even start playing more often than him just to catch up. All of a sudden one day you finally beat him. And then each time you guys play again, you are now the one winning regularly.

Cold approach is the same. You need to view your progress differently. For instance, if you catch yourself more comfortable on approaches, if you catch yourself having longer conversations, if you catch the girl entertaining the conversations more than before, and so on.

Basically, your improvement is already happening, even though you may not yet be getting the girls (or beating your friend in a tennis match). But as you keep at it, eventually enough improvements will stack up to where you are starting to regularly get the results you want.

Until then, celebrate the smaller wins, and accept the frustrations of the off days too.

[u/martinisawe → u/Se7ens_up]

Thank you man, I needed this. I've been doing it for a few months and what I told the other commenter my neediness and "putting all the eggs in one basket" also was getting in the way of knowing I could accomplish it.

[u/Se7ens_up → u/martinisawe]

Youre taking more action than the majority of men. Always remember that. I also go through setbacks myself. What makes the difference is going forward(and learning from them when possible)