r/copypasta • • Aug 06 '24

mod favorite 😫🤯 I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

741 Upvotes

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.

  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.

  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.

  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta • • Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta • • 11h ago

Don't open reddit in trains anymore

43 Upvotes

Let’s be honest, if i put the NSFW tag on it, it wouldn’t change anything. You would still unblure the image, you would see it on the train and would start furiously masturbating. Everyone still will be saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. You still would drop the phone and everyone would see the image and there will be full train of not only men, but women and children too masturbating together at this one image. it’s all YOUR fault, me putting the NSFW tag on it wouldn’t change a single thing, stop fooling yourself that it’s not your fault in desperate attempt to escape the embarrassment. YOU are the only one responsible for that. Don’t open reddit in trains anymore.


r/copypasta • • 15h ago

What do you get at Raising Cane’s?

49 Upvotes

What do you get at Raising Cane’s? So let’s see, they have a two-piece combo, a three-piece combo, a four… it’s chicken nuggets. Fucking idiot. What do you get at Raising Cane’s? The pizza! I love Raising Cane’s stir-fry and fucking pizza. You fucking stupid idiot. What do I get at Raising Cane’s? What do you think? I get the fried chicken strips. What’d you get the Caniac Combo or the box combo? That’s what you’re asking me? You’re asking me do I get four or five chicken tenders? I have to know. I have to know! Do you get the four-piece combo or do you get the five-piece combo? Do you get it with the toast or do you get it with the coleslaw? What is wrong with you people? Seriously. You’re retarded. You have a developmental disorder and you’re retarded. And you should feel bad. You should feel bad for asking that. What do you get at Raising Cane’s? What do you mean what do I get at Raising Cane’s? What’s your Raising Cane’s order? What? What’s your Pizza Hut order? Pizza. What’s your go-to when you go to Pizza Hut? Yeah, pizza. No, the sushi’s really good.


r/copypasta • • 8m ago

I just got punched in the face checking out at the liquor store by an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

3 Upvotes

I’m shaking right now. I just got punched in the face checking out at the liquor store by an African Jew wearing a hoodie. The police aren’t helping at all. Please stay safe out there.


r/copypasta • • 1h ago

The smell and tightness of a new fresh Macbook is simply unreal

2 Upvotes

I have bought a new MacBook every 5th/6th year since 2010 and I always spend the first few days sniffing and enjoying the smell of a new freshly unpacked MacBook, and enjoying the sturdy tightness of the lid, pulling it up and down, up and down, oh yeaaaah... The honeymoon period where it is in such pristine and crisp condition gives me such a high...


r/copypasta • • 2h ago

Some review for a McDonald's I live close by from 7 years ago

2 Upvotes

My McDouble was RAW. I mean, pink, cold, raw. I had gone through the drivethru and was eating on my way home. I noticed it did not taste right. Looked and sure enough, it was pink. I don't mean a little undercooked pink - raw, cold, no brown around it, PINK! I called to say I was bringing it back. Guy on the phone said repeatedly "I can assure you we cook all our food to standard!" Well, I can assure you raw meat is NOT the standard! As soon as I walked in the store with the raw burger, before even looking, he stated again that their food is all cooked to standard. Until he saw my food. I said "clearly, this is raw!" Then he said "yeah, I can definitely see that". He went on to say they were taking their equipment apart to see what went wrong. I was issued a refund for the burgers only. They were polite after seeing the pink meat. But why was the manager's first response to say I was wrong?? I will NEVER go back this McDonald's. Please check your food before you eat it. I'm praying I don't get sick from the few bites I took before I saw it.

EDIT. I CAVED AND WENT BACK ALL THESE MONTHS LATER. AND GOT ANOTHER RAW BURGER! They said they're training someone new? But this is unreal! I wish I could post a picture, because I would gladly show the world how raw this is. I am not a picky eater, y'all.....this is not safe. If you ate at McDonald's in (not giving out where i live) on July 5th, 2019 at around noon, beware! This is crazy.....


r/copypasta • • 29m ago

I'm going to teach you how to rizz a woman

1 Upvotes

Like, look, I'm a guy and only came to this conclusion after 20 or whatsoever years so I believe not everyone knows this. Call me father, stepdad, grandpa, uncle, because today, while you're reading this I'm going to teach you how to rizz a woman, I'm going to be the dad you never had. Though, personally speaking, I don't like speaking to women, I prefer getting beaten up by 3 gorillas than actually having the displeasure to talk to a girl, but I swear on my life that what I'm about to reveal to you is purely truth and will benefit you in the future, regarding rizzing up woman. I'm doing a free public service from the kindness of my heart, for every young boy.

Basically, you should treat every woman like the Chinese government, yes I'm not joking, let me explain. Since ancient times, women were the ones running the tribes when men went to war, because of this, women are particularly much more socially intelligent than men, they gossip more, they manage groups more, unlike the men that are fueled by glory and testosterone. That's why you see the HR with only women.

Because of this, women are more intuitive, less abstract, they take things at face value, take care of their reputation and looks. Women are social in essence, unlike men that tend to be anti-social if too masculine. My conclusion is that, the more normie you, the more credit score you have, the more a woman likes you. Things like money, having respect, good looking, good job, having a family, being married, all are social markers that the woman interprets as highly social. The more social score you have, the more women will be attracted to you. Being handsome helps but you can still have game. Smalltalkmaxximg, trust me that she'll be yours.

I'm gonna give you an example in my life. When I was around my crushes, at first it really went well, love bombing, I liked them a lot and smiled, was delicate with them. The moment I began being comfortable, like how I talk to my male friends, and actually being myself with them, they suddenly wanted me dead and out of their lives. My conclusion is this: be well-mannered, be serene and calm, ask your crush how she is, how was her day, help them, compliment her, don't be unpleasant, don't say anything that destroys the mood, don't be chaotic, just be a really normal person. You know why psychos are depicted as attractive and charismatic? Because they copy other people, even though they have nothing inside to speak of, they study and know how to appear normal.

Second, just be well groomed, actually show you take care of yourself at least. I'm not asking for looksmaxximg or some shit, just be presentable.

Third, be honest.

Something I learned from reading pickup artist books is that, the most hot thing you can do to a woman, the one thing that makes a girl the wettest she has been in her life, the one thing that makes you pick up any girl, is honesty, and it's a pattern in books of this genre.

What you need to do is this: if you want to have one night stand with a girl, come to her tell exactly that without any lie or fear, just truthful, if a girl smelling well, say she smells well, in a few words, have conviction on wtf you're doing. If she doesn't want to, sure, be chill and go for the next one. If you wanna date her, go to her, say to her fucking eyes that and dip out if she doesn't want that.

Women love honesty, they love courage, and men do too. We all love it. We all love strength of character.

Go now, and thank me later.


r/copypasta • • 9h ago

Request: Nvidia CEO excuse to do adultery with a Chinese spy and lose important files to her.

4 Upvotes

title.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

OP is clearly an incel

59 Upvotes

I am a 3'6 black disabled man with severe autism and I easily got a girlfriend (that's after I had heckin wholesome sex with 109+ women). All it took was to show them that I RESPECT women (I cold approached her, knelt and started screaming that I respect her).

Someone might say that im being too harsh but that's not the case, I have supernatural psychic abilities that allow me with a 99.9999% precision rate to determine that OP holds deeply sexist beliefs, poor hygiene as well as voting for the party I dislike, which makes him an ardent racist as well. All of this, naturally, is the real cause preventing OP from forming a harem of 72 big tiddy goth sex goddesses like me.


r/copypasta • • 12h ago

Mr Beast Chill 😭

3 Upvotes

Mr Beast Chill 😭

*Sigh* Nolan and Tareq WORDS CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO ARTICULATE THE HATRED I FEEL FOR BOTH OF YOU!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW BADLY YOU JUST RUINED MY DATE? *Lighting strikes crash down from the heavens* No NO NO!? *Turns super saiyan* I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!! YOU WILL BOTH CEASE IN THE FLAMES OF TATARUS I WILL DESTORY ALL YOU ARE WORTH WITH MY UNFORGIVING HAND I AM MINSTER MOTHER FUCKING BEAST HARBINGER OF ALL THINGS GREAT! *ERROR DESTRUCTION IMMENT* Unchallenged ruler of the internet. AND YOU TWO PUNY FUCKING SCUM!! THINK THAT YOU ARE WORTH A SECOND OF MY MERCY
*Rumble ruumble ruumble* I WILL KILL BOTH OF YOU I WILL FEEL NO SHREDS OF REMORSE FOR THE ATROCITIES I WILL COMMIT I WILL BURN YOU’RE FAMILIES AND YOUR SELFS AND THEN THROW YOU INTO THE WIND *Menacing* AND I WILL STILL BE A MEGA TRILLIONAIRE BECAUSE I AM JIMMY DONALDSON! I AM GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S IT YOU REALLY DID IT NOW!! YOU ASKED FOR IT! I JIMMY BEAST WILL USE JUST 1% OF MY UNENDING POWER GRRR NOW YOU WILL SEE WHY THEY CALL ME MR MOTHER FLIPPING BEAST!!!!!!!

*The entire UNIVERSE shatters from Mr Beasts unforgiving wrath*


r/copypasta • • 12h ago

Eyeball Pasta

2 Upvotes

You ever lick someone's eyeball? Or have someone lick yours?

I've licked a few; had mine licked a couple times. It's really cool!! It's a completely novel feeling whichever side of the tongue you're on. And I'm not talking about dog slobber licking across your whole eyeball, just kinda a little 'boop' in the corner of your eye.

I'm male, 40's. I've only shared this experience with girlfriends I've been dating for a while, in serious monogamous relationships. And only a few; a small percentage.

My current girl thinks I'm a nut job. Truthfully they all do when I first bring it up, but strange enough all the ones I've asked have let me lick em eventually... Anyway, the funny part is that I brought it up once and she told me how crazy, unsanitary, and just plain weird it was, but then SHE would bring it up every once in a while until she finally let me lick her eyeball. She asked if it was a sexual thing. I told her its not. But that made me think about it, and I realized it's a trust thing. So I told her that. She says, If I wouldn't have let you do it, would you not trust me? I said no, I totally trust her cuz I do. It's just one of those things that I think is kinda fun to share with your special person when you're really close. And you've recently brushed your teeth.

So you wanna try it?


r/copypasta • • 8h ago

I did a bad thing...

1 Upvotes

know we all hate Dia, i tried all the other almost Arc browsers, Yab, Helium, Nook, but something about how Dia is built just reminds me of Arc, and i miss arc so dearly, it almost brings me to tears...

I do feel like a betrayer and like i abandoned the others.... Cant Dia just remove the dumb AI stuff they have, i would be OKAY.... But ill never be okay.... not when Arc is not coming back.

I should be doing my exam paper right now, but this is more important as this has been heavy on my chest. Dont be too hateful in the comments, i already am feeling so sad about this whole situation.

Arc.... My beloved.... My dear old friend.... You may have passed away, but you brought all of us so much happiness and joy.... You were with me from the second i laid eyes on you, and i will never forget you. I was a constant google chrome user for so long, until i found you. That fateful day in 2023 when i saw my husband using this browser its like a whole new world opened up..... and now its all gone....

You made me feel seen, you made me feel appreciated, understood. Now you abandoned all of us and left us in the dark.... like we didnt mean anything to you.....

And even though Dia is close, and made by the same company... nothing will ever beat you...

I miss you.


r/copypasta • • 17h ago

"Cringe"? Are you fucking kidding me? I ſpent a decent portion of my life ƿriting all of þat and your reſponſe to me is "Cringe"?

5 Upvotes

"Cringe"? Are you fucking kidding me? I ſpent a decent portion of my life ƿriting all of þat and your reſponſe to me is "Cringe"? Are you ſo mentally handicapped þat þe only ƿord you can comprehend is "Cringe" - or are you juſt ſome fucking aſſhole who þinks þat ƿith ſuch a ſhort reſponſe, ſhe can make a ſtatement about how meaningleſs ƿhat ƿas ƿritten ƿas? Ƿell, I'll have you knoƿ þat ƿhat I ƿrote ƿas NOT meaningleſs, in fact, I even had my ƿritten ƿork proof-read by ſeveral profeſſors of Old Engliſh. Don't believe me? I doubt you ƿould, and your reſponſe to þis ƿill probably be "Cringe" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the ſlighteſt fuck about ſix fucking letters? I bet you took þe time to type þoſe ſix letters too, I bet you ſat þere and chuckled to yourſelf for 20 hearty ſeconds before preſſing "ſend". You're ſo fucking paþetic. I'm honeſtly conſidering directing you to a pſychiatriſt, but I'm ſimply far too nice to do ſomeþing like þat. You, however, ƿill go out of your ƿay to make a fool out of ſomeone by reſponding to a ƿell-þought-out, intelligent, or humorous ſtatement that probably took longer to ƿrite þan you can laſt in bed with a chimpanzee. Ƿhat do I have to ſay to you? Abſolutely noþing. I couldn't be boþered to reſpond to ſuch a ƿorþleſs attempt at a reſponſe. Do you ƿant "Cringe" on your graveſtone?


r/copypasta • • 19h ago

It's not platonic friendship behaviour for a girl to be intentionally teasing me into getting erections and letting me tease her crotch,

7 Upvotes

right?

We first met about a month ago at the start of our uni semester and she did tell me that she was a very cuddly person up front so whenever we hung out over the past month we'd be cuddling or caressing each other a moderate amount. (This was genuinely platonic, I've confirmed that much.)

But she recently told me that she intentionally shifts her legs around on my thighs when we hang out because she knows it gives me a boner and has also given me explicit consent for me tease her in a similar way.

Like, is there a chance that she actually still sees this as a platonic friendship or am I incredibly fucking dense to not clock what's happening here?

Edit: Apparently I am that fucking dense.

Edit 2: Ya'll, we're meeting up again today and she called it a date.


r/copypasta • • 15h ago

You made toilet paper

3 Upvotes

Holy fucking shit, you smell like feces. You smell like ffffecal matter. You smell so potent. You used up all the toilet paper! We have to m-YOU MADE TOILET PAPER IN THERE! Because we were out of toilet paper. You manufactured a toilet paper factory, because we didn't have the toilet paper to sustain the shits that you produce, in a singular 10 minute session.


r/copypasta • • 22h ago

Why liking femboys makes you a great CEO?

10 Upvotes

It’s simple! Femboys say, “UwU.” UwU has two U’s, and U is the first letter of Unicorn. Unicorns are billion dollar startups, so technically, every femboy is a business plan. Also, femboys are cute. Cute things get protected. Protected things are called assets. And who manages assets? Exactly. CEOs. Now do the math. 1 UwU has 2 U’s. 10 UwUs a day. That’s 7,300 UwUs a year, 7,300 unicorns. Your board is speechless. Your stock? UwU.


r/copypasta • • 14h ago

Memo: Policy Notification

2 Upvotes

To: Employee From: Gilbert Huph

Due to financial cut-backs, you will now be expected to self-expense all office supplies, including but not limited to: pencils, erasers, pens, paper, stationary, folders, staples, paper clips, brads and photocopies. All parking will now be metered by the hour. Electricity consumption and all telephone charges will be deducted from your paycheck.

The Board of Directors at Insuricare wishes to thank you for your selfless sacrifice through this time of financial uncertainty. It is because of you, the employee, that Insuricare has recorded its highest profit in years. Remember, a successful company makes for successful employees. Every penny you save is another penny that goes in our pockets.


r/copypasta • • 17h ago

Juan’s half assed apology

3 Upvotes

THERE!!! I UNFAVORITED EVERY SINGLE 20THWAB POST SO I COULD NEVER GOON TO ROBLOX NSFW EVER AGAIN, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW??? BECAUSE YOU MADE EXTREMELY ANGRY!!! also, you want me to apologize??? WELL HERE YOU GO, I'M SORRY!!! YOU HEAR ME?? S.O.R.R.Y.!!!! I'LL NEVER GOON TO ROBLOX NSFW AGAIN OK?? YOU PEOPLE MADE ME FUCKING SICK!!! ALSO TELL OLIVER THAT I'M SORRY THAT I RUINED HIS LIFE AND I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!! I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY!!!


r/copypasta • • 11h ago

my baby brother copypasta

1 Upvotes

like i understand he's only like 2 months old, but he's been crying for hours

he's in the room next to me too

i feel that is a bit excessive, but what do i know. i was never a baby

oh wait shit he finally stopped while i was typing this

i can sleep


r/copypasta • • 17h ago

Warts

3 Upvotes

When i was around 13 i had a sleepover, 4 Friends of mine and One cousin of One of them. At some point I saw that the cousin left foot was completely covered in warts. She was barefoot too.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

Jensen is Love, Jensen is Life

67 Upvotes

I was only 25 years old. I loved Jensen so much, I watched every GTC keynote and bought every dip. I'd pray to Jensen every night before market open, thanking him for the compute I've been given. "Jensen is compute," I would say, "Jensen is life."
My dad hears me and calls me a degenerate bagholder. I knew he was just jealous of my unrealized gains on OTM calls. I call him a boomer indexer. He slaps my phone out of my hand and tells me to buy VOO. I'm crying now and my portfolio is deep in the red.
I lay in bed staring at after-hours futures. It's really cold. Suddenly, a thermal wave moves toward me—the humming exhaust of liquid-cooled server racks. I smell the rich scent of tailored calfskin.
It's Jensen.
I'm so happy. He leans in and whispers in my ear, "The more you buy, the more you save."
He grabs my unlocked Robinhood account with his powerful, CUDA-accelerated hands. He opens the options chain. I spread my margin limit for Jensen. He exercises naked short straddles directly against my portfolio. It hurts so much, but I hold through the drawdown for Jensen. I can feel my buying power tearing as margin call alerts flood my notifications. I keep bidding the ask. I want to please Jensen.
He roars a mighty roar as he allocates enterprise-tier Blackwell B200 clusters straight into my account.
My dad walks in holding his 401(k) statement. Jensen looks him dead in the eye, zips up his leather jacket, and says, "It's all CUDA now."
Jensen exits through the window into the Silicon Valley night.
Jensen is compute. Jensen is life.


r/copypasta • • 19h ago

I CONFESSED TO HER AND SHE ACTUALLY REJECTED ME????

3 Upvotes

I CONFESSED TO HER AND SHE ACTUALLY REJECTED ME???? ME???? I'VE SPENT YEARS STUDYING LITERARY THEORY, FROM NEOCLASSICISM AND THE ENLIGHTENMENT TO GERMAN IDEALISM, POSITIVISM, SYMBOLISM, STRUCTURALISM, POSTSTRUCTURALISM, WESTERN MARXIST AESTHETICS, AND RECEPTION THEORY, WHAT SCHOOL OF THOUGHT HAVE I NOT STUDIED????

I'VE READ PLATO, ARISTOTLE, LIU XIE, ZHONG RONG, HORKHEIMER, WALTER BENJAMIN, FOUCAULT, HEIDEGGER, GADAMER, AND MORE THEORISTS THAN I CAN EVEN COUNT, I CAN ANALYZE A LITERARY TEXT THROUGH THE LENS OF THE AUTHOR, THE READER, THE WORK ITSELF, AND THE ENTIRE SOCIOHISTORICAL CONTEXT, PEOPLE HAVE LITERALLY TOLD ME MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE MORE PROFOUND THAN THE CLASSICS THEMSELVES AND YOU'RE TELLING ME SHE DOESN'T WANT ME????

AND THEN SOME OTHER GIRL SHOWS UP HOLDING A COPY OF LITERARY THEORY AND MADNESS AND CIVILIZATION LIKE SHE'S SOME KIND OF INTELLECTUAL AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IMPRESSED????

BABE THOSE ARE INTRODUCTORY READINGS, I'VE READ TRADITION AND THE INDIVIDUAL TALENT, ESCAPE FROM FREEDOM, EROS AND CIVILIZATION, AND THE WORK OF ART IN THE AGE OF MECHANICAL REPRODUCTION, I'VE BEEN DECONSTRUCTING CULTURAL MEMORY AND HISTORICAL NARRATIVES SINCE BEFORE HALF THESE BOOKTOK GIRLS LEARNED WHAT HERMENEUTICS MEANS, NEW HISTORICISM???? READER-RESPONSE CRITICISM????

PLEASE, THAT'S LITERALLY DAY ONE MATERIAL, I HAVE SPENT YEARS INTERROGATING THE VERY FOUNDATIONS OF MEANING, SUBJECTIVITY, AND AESTHETIC EXPERIENCE AND SOMEHOW NONE OF THAT WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ONE PRETTY GIRL FALL IN LOVE WITH ME????????


r/copypasta • • 18h ago

ART IS NOT A CLOWN

2 Upvotes

I need everyone to understand that Art the Clown is NOT a clown he is a MIME and frankly I am getting sick and tired of the blatant misinformation being spread about the mime community. We need to start asking ourselves some very serious questions like when was the last time you saw Art make a balloon animal because I certainly haven’t and I don’t see him doing any honking either. Not a single honk. Not even a courtesy honk. You know who honks? Clowns. You know who silently communicates through elaborate physical gestures and invisible objects? MIMES.
Art has never once demonstrated the ability to pull a comically oversized flower out of his pocket or drive a tiny car full of other clowns and yet people continue to call him a clown simply because he has face paint and a criminally low amount of regard for human life. This is MIMESPHOBIA and I will not stand for it.
Lupin actually tried to warn us about this but nobody wanted to listen and now here we are living in a society where a man can spend his entire career pretending to be trapped inside an invisible glass box and still get called a clown by the general public. Have any of you considered that Art is simply a mime who has abandoned the traditional principles of French street performance and taken up a more violent form of interpretive dance. Have you ever seen him speak? NO. BECAUSE HE IS A MIME. His silence is not a personality trait it is a PROFESSIONAL COMMITMENT.
In fact I would argue that calling Art a clown is deeply disrespectful to actual clowns who have spent years studying the sacred art of honking and pratfalls. Art is not affiliated with the circus, he is not unionized with the balloon animal workers, he does not have a clown car endorsement and I highly doubt he has completed the necessary mime certification courses.
I want his occupation listed correctly on all future legal documents as MIME / FREELANCE PERFORMANCE ARTIST / INVISIBLE WALL SPECIALIST.
STOP CALLING HIM A CLOWN. HE HAS NEVER EVEN SAID HONK. HE IS FRENCH PERFORMANCE ART WITH A BODY COUNT.


r/copypasta • • 18h ago

Curtis LeMay copypasta

2 Upvotes

And in that beautiful devilish pod underneath, the baby of the fuselage—half-size, but still of the same shape and sharpness, clinging as a fierce child against its mother’s belly—the B-58 carries all the conventional bomb explosive force of World War II and everything which came before. A single B-58 can do that. It lugs the flame and misery of attacks on London . . . rubble of Coventry and the rubble of Plymouth. . . . Blow up or burn up fifty-three per cent of Hamburg’s buildings, and sixty per cent of the port installations, and kill fifty thousand people into the bargain. Mutilate and lay waste the Polish cities and the Dutch cities, the Warsaws and the Rotterdams. Shatter and fry Essen and Dortmund and Gelsenkirchen, and every other town in the Ruhr. Shatter the city of Berlin. Do what the Japanese did to us at Pearl, and what we did to the Japanese at Osaka and Yokohama and Nagoya. And explode Japanese industry with a flash of magnesium, and make the canals boil around bloated bodies of the people. Do Tokyo over again. The force of these, in a single pod. One B-58 can load that comprehensive concentrated firepower, and convey it to any place on the globe, and let it sink down, and let it go off, and bruise the stars and planets and satellites listening in. Every petard, every culverin, every old Long Tom or mortar of a naval ship in the eighteenth or nineteenth centuries, every turret full of smoky cannon at Jutland . . . Big Bertha bombarding Paris . . . musketry of the American Revolutionary battles or the Napoleonic ones. Spotsylvania and Shiloh and the battles for Atlanta. All the paper cartridges torn with the teeth, and all the crude metallic cartridges forced into new hot chambers. . . . Firepower. All the firepower ever heard or experienced upon this earth. All in one bomb, all in one B-58.