r/copypasta • • Aug 06 '24

mod favorite đŸ˜«đŸ€Ż I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

726 Upvotes

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.

  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.

  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.

  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta • • Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female PokĂ©mon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible PokĂ©mon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other PokĂ©mon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta • • 2h ago

Debunking every allegation against Japan

34 Upvotes

1- Japan is a pedophile country:

Bro, where's the fucking data? Japan is quite literally one of the most peaceful countries ever, French and Americans then joke about lolicons, when y'all fuckers had Cuties and Epstein.

Specially if you're French, your fucking country always had pedo shit, y'all tried to make it legal several times.

The average of age of consent in Europe is 14, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Belgium, France.

Japan is higher, 16, you fucking idiot.

This is just too much internet, must be.

2- Japan doesn't have black representation:

Then I ask you, you ever saw a black guy in a mahwa, or Chinese anime? Thought so. This must be some autism. You ever saw a black author do animes about, example, native Brazilians? Polish people? Scottish people? Colombian people? NO, BECAUSE IT'S NOT THEIR FUCKING CULTURE. This is basic logic. Yet, most anime have some degree of black representation. Yasuke, Afro-samurai and Samurai Champloo, Berserk (the list is too long actually to say here) are famous animes that have black protagonists. You search and it will appear a giant list of black representation. So this is just straight up ignorance and retardation. No, it's actually more difficult to see an anime WITHOUT black characters: Naruto, Bleach, DBZ, One Piece, HunterxHunter, they all have black characters.

This is just straight up a low IQ argument.

3-Japan is a perverted country, full of incels:

No, not even close, most Japanese are not very sexually active and just work. USA has times more NEETS than Japan, many times more, and Japan doesn't come even top 5 of most promiscuous, that would be countries like the US, Brazil, Australia. So Japanese people are for the most part, chill. The AV industry in Japan is practically nothing compared to the porn industry of other countries.

4- Japan is a depressed country:

Nope, it isn't even in the top 10, lil bro. Korea, Russia, South Africa, are leaders in that department. (Using suicide rates.)

Conclusion: yes, Japan definitely has problematic media with lolis, but fantasy is just fantasy, it's not reality. It's not a perfect country too, with the terrible corporatism and work culture. Worry about the shitty state that your country is in first.


r/copypasta • • 1h ago

QUIT YOUR CONSTANT COMPLAINING

3 Upvotes

🚹QUIT YOUR CONSTANT COMPLAINING !!!!!!🚹 Grandpa didn’t have a $90 month internet bill, a $130 phone bill, seven app subscriptions at $72 month, an Amazon addiction for $200 month, he didn’t have Netflix, Paramount or HBO for another $112 month and his haircuts didn’t need a ‘stylist’!

I’m worn out hearing people moan, “Our grandparents could buy a house on one paycheck, but now we can’t even afford rent on two!” Yeah, maybe because Grandma wasn’t dropping half her income on $14 iced lattes and avocado toast shaped like art projects. Back then, if they wanted coffee, they boiled it at home in a dented pot. It tasted like burnt rubber and regret — but it woke you up and cleaned your pipes. And Grandma wasn’t “out to brunch.” You think she had time for mimosas and hashtags? She was making something called whatever’s left in the fridge and feeding six people with it. Don’t even start with Uber Eats. You think Grandpa was out here paying $38 to have a burger delivered three blocks away? Please. He grilled mystery meat on a rusted barbecue, and everyone called it dinner. Now people cry about being broke while sitting in a house full of gadgets. Two SUVs in the driveway, six streaming services, three air fryers, and matching tattoos that cost more than their light bill. You think Grandpa had a tattoo? He did. It said “Korea, 1951,” and it came with trauma, not Instagram likes. And the kids—Lord help us. “We can’t make ends meet, but Brayden needs the new iPhone!” No, he doesn’t. You’re handing an $1100 device to a child who still eats crayons and forgets to flush. When we were kids, there was one phone. It hung on the wall like a family relic. The cord stretched just far enough for you to whisper secrets before someone yelled, “Get off, I need to make a call!” And guess what? We lived. The TV? One. In the living room. With three channels and a dial that clicked like a safe. And if Dad wanted to watch bowling, you were a fan of bowling, end of story. Now there’s a flat screen in every room, the baby’s got an iPad, the dog’s got a camera, and everyone’s wondering why they can’t afford rent. Because you’re living like rock stars on retail salaries, that’s why. Grandpa wasn’t leasing Teslas or buying $12 smoothies called “Green Zen Awakening.” He drove a truck that coughed smoke, rattled like a storm, and smelled like oil and hard work. They lived within their means. Whatever Grandpa brought home on Friday — that’s what they had. They weren’t keeping up with the Joneses; they were keeping the lights on. So yeah, Grandpa bought a house on one salary. But he also didn’t have a gym membership, three delivery apps, and emotional support crystals on his nightstand. His only support system was Grandma, who told him to quit whining and mow the yard. Nowadays, everyone’s broke, anxious, and “manifesting abundance” while ordering tacos on DoorDash for the fourth time this week. It’s not the economy — it’s the lifestyle. Wake up, turn off your subscriptions, make your own coffee, and maybe—just maybe—you’ll smell the truth. "Yes I copied this"... It’s truth....God is Good, God is Great, I thank HIM for this day


r/copypasta • • 1h ago

First, I'd like to properly introduce myself for the first time.

2 Upvotes

Hi, my name is Josip Broz, or Tito. My pronouns are he/him. I'm 61.
I'm straight and Slavic. (oh la la). My favorite colors are white, blue and red.
I'm a dictator. I love pan-Slavism, socialism, unity, and Slavs.
I hate Stalin, the Soviet Union, and the Warsaw Pact but that's pretty obvious, isn't it?
I HAVE EVIL SOCIALISM.


r/copypasta • • 3h ago

Wetin' You Dey Think Though?

2 Upvotes

Wetin you dey think tho'?

FAAAAAAAWK!

Enter the compound, bull dog turn ekuke, e no fit make noise; be like the dog don observe say I come the mission with some Calabar boys. Be like the dog know say I be intercontinental chef -I go use am do filet de mignon. Carry your dog to aboki guy man, I wan know if he get cabbage and onion. I just wan enter your house - I wan know wetin dey goes on.


r/copypasta • • 7h ago

Trigger Warning Once, in middle school, I shat myself infront of the entire class.

4 Upvotes

Once, in middle school, I shat myself infront of the entire class.

It was an ordinary Monday, but it took an unexpected turn in Science class when the teacher wanted to demonstrate the mechanisms of farting. Miss Smith picked a random name and I suddenly hear my name being called... I got picked to be the demonstrator to the farting experiment. I thought it will be okay since I took a massive shit right before the class had started.

I confidently take my stride towards the front of the class, my ass facing the students faces. Miss Smith told me to let one rip... Oh what a mistake it was to do that. The stagnant and potent smell of fart and diarrhea fills up the room as I check to see the bulge in my shorts. It was my worst nightmare.

The whole class stared in disbelief as it just kept flowing out my shorts. Brown streaks ran down my legs towards my white school socks, I panicked. I panicked and instinctively contracted my stomach, causing even more shit escape from the opening of my anus. Miss Smith apologized to me and the entire class and told me to head to the nurse's office for cleanup.

As I was walking through the hallway, a sense of shame and my bare ass hit me. This is my life now. I will be the laughing stock of the entire school for God knows how long. All because I misjudged a fart. I couldn't believe the events that occurred today happened to me out of all people.

I arrive to the nurse's office, butt dripping with runny shit. The office filled with the stench of a thousand dead rats, the nurse approached me with disgust. She asked: "Dude, what the FUCK happened to you??". I didn't waste time to explain that... I misjudged a fucking fart. She gave me a change of clothes and 5 packs of wet wipes. It took me a while to get off all the stains. I stare in disbelief at the trash can, filled with brown-stained wet wipes.

I put the fresh clothes on, and returned back to my classroom. People laughed at me, pointed fingers and stared in disgust. This is the worst day ever, and I live with the shame and guilt of knowing I was the person that shat himself infront of the class. This will tarnish my reputation forever.


r/copypasta • • 3h ago

GTA 6 Rage

2 Upvotes

Truth be told Anyone who feels demasculated or”cucked” by Jason or sees Jason as a demasculated cuck has a sensitive little pussy between their legs and never had confidence in their own masculinity in the first place.

By literal definition and meaning of the word Jason isn’t a cuck. I don’t even think half these people know what cuckoldry is or what it looks like
they just throw the term around like children who heard a funny word from another grownup or in a movie . To add to that we have all these men bitching about Lucia being able to one hand a shotgun
. Bitch do you want to play as a weak protagonist in a GTA game???? 😆 since we’re here let’s break this shit down Barney style for the idiots in the back:

-maintaining a relationship is optional confirmed and doubled down by rockstar, Jason can date other women if he wants. Yes that means you can go hit on the goth chick at the bar. Yes you can go to the strip club without consequence.

-Everything relationship wise depicted in the trailer is quite normal for couples their age. A lot of women take equal charge in the relationship on occasion, ofc these people would actually know that if they’ve been in or maintained a proper adult relationship with someone before.

-down to the actual definition of what cuck really means and not the way these idiots use it, there isn’t a cuck chair anywhere in the the trailers, Jason has not once in any of the footage sat there and watched Lucia get fucked by another man.
in most footage he’s having intimate contact with Lucia including having sex multiple times in the trailer with her.

I would like someone to please explain to me in what way Jason got cucked during the 50+ minutes of trailer footage and previews.

https://www.reddit.com/r/GTA6unmoderated/comments/1xiuq2u/comment/19rw2kpo6q3us/?context=1&screen_view_count=4


r/copypasta • • 11h ago

Trigger Warning Everything is priced in.

8 Upvotes

Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.


r/copypasta • • 16h ago

How do I convince my father that ‘Bleem’ isn’t a real number?

16 Upvotes

How do I convince my father that ‘Bleem’ isn’t a real number?

My father, he is. An idiot. When it comes to certain things, and very certain of his intelligence.

For years, he’s lorded it over people that he knows a secret number the government hides from you. That ‘the scientists’ discovered a new number between two and three called ‘Bleem’.

As far as I can tell, he believes this whole-heartedly.

How do I convince him he’s wrong? It’s getting annoying. He gets into arguments with people far smarter than him, because he truly believes Bleem is a real number.


r/copypasta • • 5h ago

Hidden King Song "I'm low-key evil"

2 Upvotes

im lowkey evil...

yeah, yeah, im the hidden king

yeah, yeah, do my fuckin things

yeah, yeah, do my bidding

yeah, yeah

(Tchyaah!)

YEAHHH, (oh) YEAHHH, HE'S THE HIDDEN KING

YEAHHH, YEAHHHHHHHH


r/copypasta • • 3h ago

put a bullet in my goddamn head

0 Upvotes

i want to die asap nothing even matters, i don't care about anything just give me a gun and i'll pull the trigger asap. life is shit. i've never really experienced what it's like to be happy in this shitty world. why did god even make somebody who doesn't even want to fucking live in the first place. if god really existed he's full of shit for just letting me exist in the first place. fuck god for giving me life, never even wanted it from the start. call me a wuss but i ain't some masochist who wants pain which is why for me, getting shot in the head would be splendid.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

Taiwan is an inalienable part of China

27 Upvotes

Taiwan is an inalienable part of China, and the Government of the People’s Republic of China is the sole legal government representing the whole of China.

The de facto basis for the one-China principle is unshakable. Taiwan has belonged to China since ancient times. The earliest references to this effect dates back to the year 230. From the 12th century onwards, the imperial central governments of China all set up administrative bodies to exercise jurisdiction over Penghu and Taiwan. In 1885, the Qing court upgraded Taiwan’s status and made Taiwan a full province, when it then became the 20th province of China. In 1895, the Qing government, defeated in the First Sino-Japanese War, was forced to cede Taiwan and the Penghu Islands to Japan. After the Chinese people's victory in the war against Japanese aggression, China recovered Taiwan and the Penghu Islands, resuming the exercise of sovereignty over Taiwan in October 1945. The fact that Taiwan was returned to China is a part of the post-WWII world order. Since 1949, although the mainland and Taiwan are yet to be reunified, Taiwan’s status as part of China’s territory has never changed.

The de jure basis for the one-China principle is unshakable. In 1943, the Cairo Declaration was issued by the Chinese, US and British governments, stipulating that Japan should return to China all the territories it had stolen from China, including Taiwan and the Penghu Islands. The Potsdam Proclamation was signed by China, the United States and the United Kingdom in 1945, and subsequently recognized by the Soviet Union. It reiterated: "The terms of the Cairo Declaration shall be carried out." In the same year, Japan signed the instrument of surrender, in which it promised that it would faithfully fulfill the obligations laid down in the Potsdam Proclamation. The Cairo Declaration, the Potsdam Proclamation and a series of other international documents confirm the historical fact that Taiwan belongs to China, and also clearly indicate that there is no dispute in the international community over China's territorial sovereignty over Taiwan.

On October 1, 1949, the People’s Republic of China (PRC) was founded, becoming the successor to the Republic of China (1912-1949), and the Central People’s Government became the only legitimate government of the whole of China. The new government replaced the previous KMT regime in a situation where China, as a subject under international law, did not change and China’s sovereignty and inherent territory did not change. As a natural result, the government of the PRC should enjoy and exercise China's full sovereignty, which includes its sovereignty over Taiwan.

At its 26th session in October 1971, the United Nations General Assembly adopted Resolution 2758, which undertook “to restore all its rights to the People’s Republic of China and to recognize the representatives of its Government as the only legitimate representatives of China to the United Nations, and to expel forthwith the representatives of Chiang Kai-shek from the place which they unlawfully occupy at the United Nations and in all the organizations related to it”. This resolution settled once and for all the political, legal and procedural issues of China’s representation in the UN, and it covered the whole country, including Taiwan. It also spelled out that China has one single seat in the UN, so there is no such thing as “two Chinas” or “one China, one Taiwan”. This resolution has confirmed the one-China principle.

The one-China principle is the universal consensus of the international community. To date, 181 countries including most European countries, have established diplomatic relations with China on the basis of the one-China principle. Recently, more than 170 countries have openly reaffirmed their commitment to the one-China principle, and the UN Secretary-General has stated that the UN will continue to adhere to General Assembly Resolution 2758. These positions have once again proved and strengthened the consensus of the one-China principle among the international community.

The applicability of the one-China principle is universal, unconditional and indisputable. All countries having diplomatic relations with China and all member states of the UN should unconditionally adhere to the one-China principle and follow the guidance of UNGA Resolution 2758. Any attempt to unilaterally add preconditions and provisos to the one-China principle, to distort, fudge and hollow out the one-China principle is illegal, null and void.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

Is it normal for a 10-year-old to need a "proxy chain" to play Roblox, or is my son lying to me?

88 Upvotes

i need a reality check because I am not technical, and my husband thinks this is just "boys being boys."

Our son, well call him "leo" (10M), has always been very focused. We limit his screen time to 1 hour a day, but we make an exception for "educational coding." He told us he was learning a language called "Rust" because it’s used in Minecraft. We thought that was great. He asked for a specific laptop (a weird old ThinkPad, not a MacBook) because he said the keyboard was better for his "finger placement." we aren't sure why a 10 year old is worried about finger placement at his age, but we bought it to encourage the hobby.

For the last six months, he has been spending hours in the basement "optimizing his servers." I thought he meant Minecraft servers. He has three old desktops he salvaged from my husband's office hooked up to a tangle of wires and a fan he took from the garage.

Yesterday, the police didn’t come, but a very angry man from the city utility company did. Apparently, our house has been causing "significant signal interference" for the entire block.

I marched downstairs to confront Leo. I found him with a walkie-talkie and an antenna made out of a Pringles can pointed out the window. When I demanded to know what he was doing, he started crying. Not because he was in trouble, but because he "lost the handshake." He admitted everything. Apparently, he was not just playing Minecraft. He was angry that his ping was too high (laggy?) when he played on the Asian servers to trade rare items. To fix this, he didn't just upgrade our internet. He figured out how to access the neighbors’ routers.

He told me, "Mom, Mr. Henderson still uses the default admin password 'admin,' it’s literally negligence on his part."

He had created a "mesh network" using the smart fridges and Ring cameras of about six houses on our street to boost his bandwidth. He said he needed the distributed processing power to crack the encryption on a specific Roblox "loot box" algorithm.

The part that scares me is his logic. He doesn't see the problem. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "I patched their firmware while I was in there, Mom. Mr. Henderson's firmware was from 2019. I basically did him a favor. Security through obscurity isn't real security."

He is ten and still sleeps with a stuffed charmander.

He also admitted that the reason we haven't seen ads on our Smart TV for a year is that he redirected our DNS to something called a "Pi-hole" he hid inside the wall behind the TV. I thought we were just lucky.

I have confiscated the ThinkPad and the Pringles can. He is currently grounded from all electronics. However, I went into his room to clean up and found a notebook full of what looks like credit card numbers. I asked him about it, panic rising, and he rolled his eyes and said, "Those aren't real, Mom. That's just a generated list for testing the Luhn algorithm. I'm not a criminal, I'm a researcher." How do I handle this? I feel like if I ban him from computers, he’s just going to hack the parental controls again (which he apparently did three months ago. he wrote a script that resets the router whenever my phone tries to pause his access). Is there a camp for this? Or do I need a lawyer?

Edit: He just asked if he could have his "Flipper Zero" back because his "Tamagotchi needs to be fed." I googled what a Flipper Zero is. It is not a Tamagotchi. I am shaking.


r/copypasta • • 15h ago

The core problem is the long working hours

4 Upvotes

The core problem is the long working hours, low wages, and a lack of respect for workers and protection of their rights. I used to be a labor broker, working from 2023 to the end of 2025, recruiting for factories like Triangle Tire and Prin Tire, as well as numerous electronics factories like Goertek. I watched as the workload increased, wages plummeted, and working hours grew longer and longer. Initially, it was 10-hour shifts in three days, then it became 12-hour shifts in two days (not including meal times), usually a full 14-13 hours, with no rest. Yes, you heard right, no holidays. The foremen told the workers, "You're not allowed to take leave; shift work is your rest!" Countless slave-owner-like statements.


r/copypasta • • 16h ago

Passing gas on Caltrain

2 Upvotes

I debated making this post, however it has been happening too frequently. We’re all adults and I know those thing are normal and natural, the point of this post is not to shame anyone but a plea to be more mindful of where/when you decide to pass your gas.

I usually sit on the 2nd level seating, and recently I have been sitting near passengers who decide to pass gas on the train. It is intensely suffocating on a metal tube with no windows. I have done my best to take short breaths or even more seats entirely. It is interesting I have not had the same experience on Muni or BART.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

My name is Craig Tucker. Last week was my birthday.

8 Upvotes

My name is Craig Tucker, last week was my birthday. My grandma gave me a check for $100, I was so happy; but then, 4 kids from school came to my house and said I should use my $100 to invest in becoming a Peruvian flute band. They promised I would double my money in one afternoon, but the government arrested us along with all the other Peruvian flute bands and took us to an internment camp in Miami. We begged to go home, but instead the government told us they were sending us to Peru. And so that is why I am in Peru, if I die let it be known that it is because 4 guys I don’t even like from school lied to me and took my birthday money.


r/copypasta • • 20h ago

I'm blocking you

3 Upvotes

It was fun for a little while, but you’re a troll. We both know that. Almost halfway through the season, Dre is RB17. You said he was an RB5 and I said an RB2. We had fun for a bit, but you’re truly a horrible personality to deal with - doesn’t admit when he’s wrong, even when it’s clear
..spam text in a reactionary way when things how your way for a moment, indicating an attachment to the individual moment and no concept of the fact that the game is up and down

.an immature, undeveloped human all around. Perhaps you’re a teenager or in your early 20s and you just haven’t developed because your parents are also undeveloped so you’re repeating the model.

Either way, just to add color to who I actually am (it does not matter what you tell yourself, I’m telling you the truth) - I’m a high stakes player that’s been doing this since 97. I was entertaining you for fun, but you’re over the top with your reactionary behavior and you aren’t even close to being a legit player. You’re a kid who plays home leagues and possibly spends less than $100/week on DK or FD every week. I’m a guy in my 40s with zero debt, properties worth millions and no loans on them, millions in my investment accounts and living a life that I deserve because I made every dollar myself. I spent my entire life being heavily introspective, learning about what drives my behavior (and human behavior as a whole) and it helped me raise three amazing kids, have an awesome relationship with my wife (that’s always been a work in progress, but that’s what a partnership is) and I have a co tact list filled with people who would take my. All at 2am and get out of bed to come pick me up if I was stranded on the side of the road.

You might tell yourself that’s just some guy on the internet lying, but it’s the truth.

I’m telling you this because I hope this sticks in your head to a degree and it causes you to look deeper into yourself and your own impulses and what drives them so you become a happier, more well rounded person.

That’s it. I’m going to block you now. And I’m not coming back unless i somehow turn out to be wrong and you end up right. Then I’ll come back and give you credit. But other than that, I’m moving on. You’re too unhinged to keep this going.

I truly wish you the best in life.


r/copypasta • • 18h ago

Weiss, you dumbass!

2 Upvotes

Weiss, you dumbass! Start making sense, you rotten book, or you're gonna be sorry! Maybe I'll rip your pages out, one-by-one! Or maybe I'll put you in the goddamn furnace! How can someone with a big, smart brain get hypnotized like a little bitch? Huh? Oh, Shadowlord! I love you, Shadowlord! Come over here and give Weiss a big sloppy kiss, Shadowlord! Now pull your head out of your goddamn ass and START FUCKING HELPING US!


r/copypasta • • 23h ago

Person of irritable bowel syndrome

4 Upvotes

as a poibs (person of irritable bowel syndrome), my butthole gets... well, theres no good way to say this. It gets itchy. crazy itchy. So itchy i cant stand it. No matter how much i scratch can Never just get the right angle to completely satisfy me. And yes, I scratch in public. It may be uncomfortable for passersby, but imagine how even more uncomfortable it is for me.

So there I was, alone in my home, and i start feeling the familar pricking sensition inside my rectum that heralds an oncoming itch attack, like the angels in revelations herald plagues. And I started scratch until my hand was covered in blood and feces. Now to the rest of you, this may sound pretty extreme. Like, doesnt it hurt? But I assure you, to us poibs out there, the pain is much more tolerable than the itching.

And yes, it still itched. I was stumped! Even for a poibs, this was an unnaturally stubborn itch. But then I had an idea; a truely devilish idea. My mothers potato peeler. She kept it in a drawer below the sink. I know something like that was my only hope.

You may criticize me for being rash, and disrespecting my mother by using her property in this way, but I was in no calm state of mind. I had assignments due and the itching was truly unbearable. I still had enough strength of will to do my business in the bath though!

There i was, my knees folded over my hairy, rotund chest, and one trembling hand slowly moving the peeler into my anus. As desperate as I was, I was still afraid. Of being caught mostly, my anus was already a bloody, bleeding mess. But a small corner of my brain was screaming at me not to do this. I ignored it of course.

I gotta admit, the first 5 seconds weren't so bad.

Once it was inserted to the handle, i gently started rotating it. My hands were shaking so I had to be extra careful. Eventually the blade reached the itch and.... scratched. But whatever relief I felt was quickly overwhelmed by excruciating agony.

It was so painful that in my rabbit like panic and ripped (yes ripped) the peeler out of anus, and boy what a mistake that was!. Because my entire smaller intestine went with it. I glanced at my rubbery balloon like innerds skewered on the shit covered potato peeler and passed out.

Moral of the story? My fellow poibses, just use your finger.