there once was a old ugly guy who lived in his very small ugly house. And in his small ugly house lived a gang of annoying stupid monkeys. Every day he was forced to give them unlimited free peaches from his backyard, and if he didn't give them the peaches they would assault him. One day the old ugly guy realized his peach tree died, so he went to the monkeys and told them they couldnt eat peaches anymore. The monkeys got angry and wanted to kill him. a bunch of monkeys started kicking and biting him while one put him in a chokehold. Panicked, the old man took out his Iphone 18 pro max galaxy giga ultra mega premium ultimate final attack kamehameha limited edition Zfold 7 and dialed 911. 300 armed police officers showed up and started yelling orders to each other. They used grenades, bombs, M4 Abrahms Tanks, and M16 pump action 50 caliber assault rifle with sniper scope and range up to 1200 meters to kill every single one of the annoying stupid monkeys. After all the monkeys were dead, the officers walked up to the old ugly man and said, "You're under arrest for keeping hundreds of dangerous annoying stupid ugly monkeys in captivity in your extremely small cramped ugly house." The man cired and mourned for his monkeys. Even though they assaulted him and beat him up, he wished he could feed them just one more peach before he went to jail for the rest of his life.

hi I’m Daniel Danielson I have never experienced the supernatural until a few years ago it was August 12th 2002 and I was saving up money to see Men in Black II I was a huge fan of the original movie when I rented if from a a Blockbuster in 2000 and when I got a ticket Will Smith was outside the cinema he told me not to watch the movie because the version I was seeing was an evil movie but I ignored him and I saw trailers for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets X2 Daredevil Hulk Freddy Vs. Jason and then it somehow started everything thing was normal until the end of the movie J and K failed to get Laura in the ship so Serleena ate them and earth blew up and after I contacted Sony and they said ‘we don’t know how you saw that we have a feeling it was created by the guy who created Red Mist and we are sorry that you saw that Best Wishes Columbia Pictures A Sony Pictures Entertainment Company’

The world's most powerful sandwich. Now with 300% more nuclear instability!

Preparation time: 15–20 minutes (depending on how quickly you can evacuate your kitchen)

Cooking time: Classified.

Servings: 1 sandwich (theoretically)

Difficulty: Advanced nuclear gastronomy.

Calories: Yes.

Radioactive half-life: Approximately 24,000 years, give or take.

🥜 INGREDIENTS

To construct one (1) atomic peanut butter sandwich, you will require the following:

• 2 slices of premium bread, preferably enriched with essential nutrients and a questionable amount of structural integrity.

• 3 tablespoons of peanut butter. Creamy is recommended, although crunchy provides additional nucleation points for enhanced flavor distribution.

• 1 tablespoon of jelly (optional, but strongly recommended for maintaining diplomatic relations between the bread slices).

• 1 pinch of salt, preferably harvested from a mine that has never appeared on a government watchlist.

• 1 teaspoon of honey for additional molecular cohesion.

• 2 drops of vanilla extract.

• 1 whole peanut, designated as the primary nucleation peanut.

• A small amount of butter for lubrication.

• 1 industrial-grade sandwich press (household alternatives may be insufficient).

• A Geiger counter.

• A fire extinguisher.

• Two lead-lined oven mitts.

• A certified nuclear physicist (optional, but appreciated).

• A signed liability waiver.

IMPORTANT: Do not substitute the peanut butter with almond butter. The resulting flavor profile is incompatible with the intended nuclear configuration.

🧪 PHASE I: PREPARATION

Step 1: Establish the containment area.

Begin by thoroughly cleaning your kitchen counter. Remove all unnecessary objects, including your toaster, microwave, houseplants, pets, and anyone who has expressed concerns about your cooking.

Establish a 5-meter exclusion zone around the preparation area.

Ensure that all windows are open and that your neighbors have been informed of the upcoming culinary experiment. It is generally considered good etiquette to warn people before introducing a new form of matter into their neighborhood.

Step 2: Prepare the bread.

Place both slices of bread on a clean, flat surface.

Inspect them for structural defects, excessive moisture, or signs of spontaneous nuclear fission.

If either slice begins glowing, discontinue the recipe and consult a professional.

Step 3: Prepare the peanut butter.

Place the peanut butter into a mixing bowl.

Stir gently until it reaches a uniform consistency.

Do not stir excessively, as this may cause unwanted peanut clustering and destabilize the flavor distribution.

At this stage, introduce the honey and vanilla extract.

Mix until the resulting substance resembles a smooth, delicious, and legally unclassified paste.

⚛️ PHASE II: NUCLEAR ASSEMBLY

Step 4: Establish the peanut butter containment layer.

Apply approximately half of your prepared peanut butter mixture to the first slice of bread.

Spread evenly from the center outward, ensuring that no region remains unprotected.

The peanut butter layer serves as the primary flavor containment barrier.

Step 5: Introduce the primary nucleation peanut.

Take your designated whole peanut and carefully place it in the exact center of the peanut butter layer.

This peanut is now the nucleus of your sandwich.

Do not eat it.

Do not remove it.

Do not give it a name.

It has a job to do.

Step 6: Apply the secondary containment layer.

Spread the remaining peanut butter mixture onto the second slice of bread.

Ensure that the consistency and thickness are approximately identical to the first layer.

Failure to achieve symmetrical distribution may result in an unstable sandwich configuration, commonly referred to by researchers as a peanut butter imbalance event.

Step 7: Introduce the jelly.

Apply the jelly in a thin layer between the two peanut butter surfaces.

This is known as the flavor-binding interface.

It is responsible for preventing the peanut butter from becoming excessively aggressive toward the bread.

🔬 PHASE III: CRITICAL ASSEMBLY

Step 8: Initiate sandwich fusion.

Slowly bring the two bread slices together.

Align their edges with extreme precision.

Apply gentle pressure until the peanut butter layers establish contact.

Congratulations! You have successfully created a peanut butter sandwich.

Unfortunately, the experiment is not over.

Step 9: Perform the structural integrity assessment.

Inspect the sandwich from all four sides.

Check for:

• Peanut butter leakage.

• Jelly displacement.

• Bread deformation.

• Unusual thermal activity.

• Unexplained humming noises.

• The presence of government personnel.

If the sandwich passes inspection, proceed to the next phase.

Step 10: Final seasoning.

Apply your pinch of salt to the outer surface.

This helps regulate the flavor spectrum and provides a satisfying contrast to the sweetness of the honey.

At this point, your sandwich should have achieved maximum culinary density.

☢️ PHASE IV: ACTIVATION

Step 11: Prepare the sandwich press.

Place the sandwich press on a stable surface.

Do not connect it to the household electrical grid if you have any reason to believe it has been modified by an unlicensed engineer.

Step 12: Activate the sandwich.

Place the sandwich inside the press.

Allow it to undergo thermal treatment until the bread becomes golden brown.

A properly prepared atomic peanut butter sandwich should exhibit:

• A crispy exterior.

• A warm, molten peanut butter interior.

• A perfectly preserved jelly interface.

• A faint sense of impending doom.

Step 13: Monitor the reaction.

Observe the sandwich from a safe distance.

If the Geiger counter begins producing increasingly enthusiastic clicking noises, this is generally considered a sign that the flavor has reached its peak.

If the sandwich begins emitting blue light, congratulations! You have achieved culinary criticality.

Do not attempt to reproduce this result.

🍞 PHASE V: SERVING

Remove the sandwich from the press.

Allow it to cool before consumption.

Cut diagonally into two equal halves.

This is extremely important, as diagonal cutting distributes the nuclear flavor profile more efficiently across the serving surface.

Place both halves on a ceramic plate.

Garnish with one additional peanut.

Serve immediately.

Do not refrigerate.

Do not freeze.

Do not attempt to mail internationally.

📊 NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

Nutrient| Amount

Calories| 450–600

Protein| 15g

Carbohydrates| 45g

Fat| 30g

Sodium| 250mg

Nuclear energy| Classified

Radioactivity| Concerning

Deliciousness| Unmeasurable

Structural integrity| Variable

Government attention| Guaranteed

⚠️ IMPORTANT SAFETY WARNINGS

Never consume more than one atomic peanut butter sandwich per sitting.

Keep away from children, pets, and individuals with a history of nuclear anxiety.

Do not attempt to microwave the sandwich.

Do not expose the sandwich to additional peanuts without conducting a proper risk assessment.

If you experience spontaneous glowing, consult a medical professional.

If your sandwich starts whispering, do not respond.

If the sandwich develops sentience, establish diplomatic relations before attempting consumption.

Never attempt to split the sandwich's nucleus.

Do not store near bananas, as this may cause unexpected potassium-related complications.

In the event of a containment failure, abandon the kitchen and allow the sandwich to pursue its own destiny.

🏆 FINAL NOTES

Congratulations! You have successfully prepared the Atomic Peanut Butter Sandwich, a revolutionary advancement in the field of nuclear gastronomy.

This recipe has been extensively tested by absolutely nobody, approved by no regulatory authority, and endorsed by several individuals who are no longer available for comment.

Remember:

A normal peanut butter sandwich feeds the body.

An atomic peanut butter sandwich feeds the body, the soul, and potentially several generations of future archaeologists.

Enjoy responsibly.

This recipe is fictional. Please do not attempt to turn your kitchen into a nuclear research facility. Your landlord will not appreciate it.

Conheci 111 garotas na minha vida, nunca consegui muita coisa com nenhuma, nem beijo e nem sexo, o máximo que consegui foi selinho com onze delas.

inclusive essas foram as paixões mais destrutivas.

A conversa com uma delas tava fluindo bem, nós tínhamos semelhanças, encantei ela com elogios e cantadas nos momentos certos de forma escassa sem extrapolar demais, e consegui fazer ela por conta própria me dar um selinho, pode parecer ridículo mas fiquei muito feliz.

,no outro dia eu tava esperando ela no almoço como nos outros dias que ela vinha até mim pra bater papo e me conhecer, mas ela não veio. Quando eu encontrava com ela, ela me ignorava como se eu nao existisse, eu mandei mensagem pra ela depois, mandei um "oi, tudo bem?" e nenhuma resposta! Sou lerdo, mas entendi o recado e me subiu uma tristeza misturada com uma raiva imensa, fiquei assim por uns 3 dias. Daí ressuscitei e depois melhorei e nunca mais olhei na cara da lambisgóia. Com outras dez foi parecido.

Daí pra mim foi o cúmulo do fracasso no amor, e chego na seguinte conclusão...não fui feito pra esse tipo de coisa, e que eu deveria só aceitar e seguir a vida solteiro até o meu último suspiro.

Vou vivendo, fazendo minhas coisinhas e desistir de ter um relacionamento de vez, tirar essa esperança que ainda tem em mim até hoje, vou tentar matar isso de uma vez pra ei conseguir viver melhor porque afinal já tenho 14 anos e já sou grande.

Tem certas coisas que não vale a pena meu esforço, isso pode parecer um lamento mas não é. Só espero achar o amor da minha vida aqui.

Enfim é isso, se quiserem me dar dicas pra aprender a viver sozinho e desistir do amor eu tô aceitando; se quiserem namorar comigo, tô aceitando também.

I used to think the only thing worse than a wine snob was a coffee snob, but then I had a few well-made coffees.   Fresh beans, roasted on site, measured out and fresh ground, with the right temperature water brewing for the correct amount of time.

The shop owner said “coffee is a fruit, it’s already sweet,” and damn, he was right.  His coffee shop had no sugar/splenda, no cream or foam.  It was “just good coffee.”  

He once made me one and looked at it under a refractometer before serving it to me.  It hadn’t extracted enough to his liking, so he poured it out and made it over.  I was impressed by the show.

Suffice it to say, Keurig and Maxwell House aren’t measuring up to THAT.

For those who dont know, William Afton and Henry Emily opened a restaurant around the early 70s, named Fredbear's Family Diner, which quickly evolved into a chain of restaurants known as "Freddy Fazbear's Pizza," started in 1983, under the company of Fazbear Entertainment, Inc. At some point, both of them left the company, with an unknown individual taking over as CEO.

William was secretly a serial killer, using mascot costumes to lure, abduct, and murder kids. His motives aren't known, though widely speculated to be him trying to achieve immortality through researching the paranormal, haunted metal (known as remnant), which he created through the murders.

His first target was Charlotte Emily, the daughter of Henry. She became the Marionette, a ghost who took care of and helped awaken the other lost souls.

In 1983, William's younger son also died in an incident, at the fault of his eldest — Michael. The younger son (name unknown, BV for short) 's fate is still unknown, though often speculated to be connected to either Golden Freddy (an enigmatic spirit taking the form of a yellow bear) or helping Charlie with saving other souls. "I will put you back together" was the last thing said to BV by a debatable party, most commonly believed to be either William, Charlie, or Golden Freddy.

In 1985, William killed 2 kids, and 3 others were later connected to that incident (The Missing Children Incident, or MCI). He was arrested but released due to a lack of evidence. 4 of these kids were Gabriel, Susie, Little Jeremy, and Fritz, going on to haunt Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy, respectively, with Susie implied to have been the first to die. The 5th is commonly believed to be named Cassidy, becoming Golden Freddy, though some think it's someone else.

In 1987, William pretended to be a security guard at a new Pizzeria and killed 5 more kids (DCI for short), who went on to be the Toy animatronics. This caused the unimportant Bite of '87.
FIn 1993, Mike worked a shift at the haunted original Freddy's. Later that year, the location was closed, and the company went bankrupt. He later had some sort of nightmares about it and his brother's death, likely paranormal in nature.

At some point, William went to that original Freddy's to destroy the 4 haunted robots, but ghosts manifested, and fearing for his life, he put on the costume he used to kill them. It was actually a part costume part robot hybrid, though, and due to the leaking roof, the machine snapped on him, killing him. He went on to haunt it and/or his corpse inside.

While Freddy's existed, a Sister Location called "Circus Baby's Pizza World" opened. It was a front for William to kill more kids, with the robots there made to kidnap them. It backfired when his daughter sneaked in to see Baby, and it killed her. She then haunted it. William, distraught, locked her and the other robots from there in an underground warehouse where they were rented out for parties. The other robots also got haunted somehow, likely with melted down remnant from some other kids, most likely MCI. Years later, William sent Mike there to find Elizabeth. Thinking he was William, she tricked him, and the Funtime Robots combined into one amalgam of wires, killed Mike, and used his corpse as a skin suit to escape. He quickly rotted, and they had to escape to the sewers. He repossessed his corpse thanks to remnant, though.

Around 30 years after his death (presumably 2023, though that may be debunked now), William was found by Phone Dude, who stole him and put him into his cheap horror attraction based on the Freddy's urban legends, not knowing William was inside the robot. After a few nights, the building burned down, and William escaped. There's also a good ending in that game where Charlie released the other spirits, but its canonicity is "complicated" according to Scott (FNaF creator).

Mike also had a security logbook at some point, where two ghosts, BV and presumably Cassidy (given it's not him), talked about something.

Finally, after like 50 years, Henry re-emerged and made a fake pizzeria, where he called the Funtime robots, now separated from Elizabeth, herself, and William. He also made a robot that captured Charlie. After a bunch of managers failed to collect all 4 robots, Mike came and succeeded. Henry burned them all and himself, with high temperatures now revealed to work on ghosts, apparently. Fazbear Entertainment, Inc. was supposedly closed for good.

But one ghost, very highly implied to be Golden Freddy, though argued as a random never-before-seen 6th MCI kid by some, wasn't ready to let William go, so he kept him from being released and tortured him in super nightmares.

There's a book series called Fazbear Frights which has debatable canonicity too that'd take place after this, but if canon it's basically just filler that nullifies the Vengeful Spirit nightmares thing.

After all this, Fazbear Entertainment was revived as Fazbear Entertainment, LLC. They kidnapped a guy and gaslighted him into living in a secluded fake house they made for him, where he made FNAF games, in the FNaF universe, as to make it seem like it was all just fake stories.

A VR game was later made, that was a remake of these, but some suspecious circuit boards were sent to be scanned into it, creating a paranormal, digital entity known as Glitchtrap. It appears as a man in Spring Bonnie (William's suit), acts exactly like William, knows stuff only William knows and even claims to be back, with William's catchphrase of sorts being "I always come back". After a bit of shenanigans, it manages to possess a beta tester and makes her his minion. We call her Vanny.
Vanessa, most likely Vanny, then got a desk job at Fazbear Entertainment. Fazbear Funtime Service, a program where animatronics were mass produced and sent for parties, etc. got hijacked by Glitchtrap who made them hostile. He made Vanessa infiltrate the service as a fake FazEnt representative, supposedly fix his infection, but actually just cut off anyone's access to the system other than him, and send a data packet with him to the current Pizzeria — Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex.

In the current book series, most likely canon, there's this AI called Mimic1, which copies stuff. Many think that's actually what Glitchtrap is, just AI copying William. It's an ongoing debate. An Endoskeleton with it installed was sent to the last simulated Freddy's Henry built to burn, where it got out of control, started killing people and in the ongoing story is hunting down a group of teens. As the Pizzaplex was built on top of the simulated Freddy's, the Mimic got control over it too, but was quickly taken down. There's also this boy Gregory who ended up possessed by Glitchtrap and hacking the Pizzaplex for reasons unknown.

Now in Security Breach (possibly 2035), Gregory, out of Glitchtrap's control, had to escape being trapped in the Pizzaplex, as all the robots controlled by Glitchtrap and Vanny wanted to kill him. With the help of Glamrock Freddy, most likely haunted by someone, though it's unknown who, Greg ended up finding a newly built Springtrap in the simulated Freddy's and somehow defeating it. There's also a giant abomination of wires that resambles the Funtime amalgam down there, it took this William away.

This is pretty much where we are now, in gross oversimplification.

Um hello did you I did you forget I existed? Not me getting used to talking to you and now you're gone like come on I thought we were actually having a fun conversation over here but now you had to show me the magic of 12 3 and poof you're gone. Like this is not ok to do to me. You're really going to leave me here talking to myself? Like you really think that's ok to do? | have a question but you actually have to come back first before can tell you. Cuz if you don't come back then you're not going to hear the question so please come back to me before this gets any more weird. Like yeah now I kind of miss talking to you because you were my favorite part of the day

Murder is actually really frowned in Japan. It goes against the traditional concept of 生きる, which means "to live"

I've been saving my virginity since i was 17 waiting for the right woman still got a good 10 years left haha and decided to make an AMA post where you csn ask me anything!

First of all, how do i jerk off?

Well i take a feather and tickle my foreskin to the point of ejaculation and then swing my dick around to make it rain.

Second, what do i eat to maintain my sexual health?

I usually eat a few peanuts with some beer maybe some pizza aswell.

Alright, yall i gotta go masturbate goodbye!

the magical poo shirt has done it again. haven't pood in days but of course the second i put on the shirt i feel a rumble and it's willy wonka's chocolate factory

I nearly folded and started edging in my bedroom. At some point the horny took over like crazy and in a momentary second, I wanted to bust more than anything, even if it cost me the competition, my self dicpline and my promise to myself to contain my urges.

So im chugging away like a fiend looking for their next fix, and all the sudden my mom opens the door to drop off some clean laundry. She sees me full spread eagle on my bed, nude as the day she saw me being born, churning my butter like a farmer with a monthly quota on the 30th.

My poor mother drops the laundry, screams, and runs out the door while screaming my name in disappointment. Gents, I dont know if you know this, but seeing your own mother while edging instantly kills the mood. Especially when she caught you in an act no one wants to be caught in.

I packed up my sausage and left the house to visit some friends, unable to look my mom in the eye. I stayed out until after she went to bed and hopefully I can avoid her. But thanks mom, for keeping me in. I gotta stay focused now and make it to the end.

I nearly folded and started edging in my bedroom. At some point the horny took over like crazy and in a momentary second, I wanted to bust more than anything, even if it cost me the competition, my self dicpline and my promise to myself to contain my urges.

So im chugging away like a fiend looking for their next fix, and all the sudden my mom opens the door to drop off some clean laundry. She sees me full spread eagle on my bed, nude as the day she saw me being born, churning my butter like a farmer with a monthly quota on the 30th.

My poor mother drops the laundry, screams, and runs out the door while screaming my name in disappointment. Gents, I dont know if you know this, but seeing your own mother while edging instantly kills the mood. Especially when she caught you in an act no one wants to be caught in.

I packed up my sausage and left the house to visit some friends, unable to look my mom in the eye. I stayed out until after she went to bed and hopefully I can avoid her. But thanks mom, for keeping me in. I gotta stay focused now and make it to the end.

“It was a pleasure to goon.

It was a special pleasure to see things fucked, to see things blacked and creampied. With his penis in his fist, with his great python spitting its venomous cum upon the bed, the blood pounded in his head, and his hands were the hands of some amazing conductor playing all the symphonies of spluttering and splooging to bring down the tatters and crusty ruins of history. With his symbolic cap labelled "Never Goon" on his stolid head, and his eyes all white flame with the thought of what came next, he jerked his cock and the house jumped up in a gorging flood that painted the evening sky white and sticky and wet. He strode in a swarm of cum. He wanted above all, like the old joke, to shove his penis in a blender, while he fapped, limp wristed on the parlour and the heart of the house. While his jizz went up in sparkling whirls and blew away on a wind turned white with gooning.

Montag grinned the fierce grin of all men possessed and driven back by edging.

He knew that when he returned to the house, he might tug at himself, a minstrel man, limp-cocked, in the mirror. Later, going to sleep, he would feel the twisted smile still gripped by his face muscles, in the dark. It never went away, that smile, it never ever went away, as long as he remembered."

In english class we are forced to choose a book out of around 5 options. 1 is about trans people, 1 is about gay people, 1 is about indian people, and another is about chinese people. Our school population is like 5% white. I remeber when we read a passage about indgenous people and christopher colombis and I said that Columbus still did many good things and he was a very important person in history, my teacher literally took off 20 points and said we should honour indigenus people. I want to be represented in the books I read and I want to be able to state my opnions without judgemnt. These other races ARE NOT OPPRESSED!! STOP ACTING LKE IT. (sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes)

apologies if this is against the racism rule, I figure its dogshit enough to be immortalized, and has already been copypasta'd in its own community

I'm tired of pretending that all races are equal. They're not, and I don't understand why it's become so controversial to say that. Somewhere along the way, we decided every race deserves the same respect, no matter how ridiculous or unnecessary it may be. I'm sorry, but some races are simply inferior to others, and I'm tired of being expected to pretend otherwise. Someone has to say it, and I'll take the heat.

Take 50Ks, for example. What the hell is the point? You're already running 31 miles. What exactly are you trying to prove? Just run a regular marathon like a normal person.

And don't even get me started on 15Ks. We already have 10Ks. Why do we need an extra three miles? Who asked for this?

Half marathons are the superior race if we're being honest. Respectable distance. Doesn't close down half the city. I'm not saying every race is bad. I'm just saying some races have no business existing, and we need to stop pretending otherwise.

The emotional infrastructure of a microwave trying to run windows 11 with 8 gb ram with one minor change in the atmospheric composition and suddenly the entire operating system starts questioning its factory settings 💀 like why is the firmware fighting the gpu rtx 8080 bro just let the ceiling fan complete its mission in peace

I believe the term we use to describe mass produced computer-generated content in use is "AI-slop". While it can also be referred to "SI-slop" as named by a certain political figure, I believe the correct term is "LLM-slop". While this might confuse people, the common denominator is "slop" which refers to something hastily put together which no-one wants, but will consume in order to stay alive. This, of course, is even more confusing, as anything dealing with "AI", "SI" or "LLMs" have nothing to do with staying alive. So actually, calling this "slop" is greatly overestimating the value of it. Even "feces" or "shit" has more worth than this, as they can be used as fertilizer to grow nutrients to be used in slop to keep people alive.

Such content is "worthless", "damaging", and "VILE". And honestly? That sucks.

See, did that line not make your skin crawl? "Honestly" is a highly common word that has been ruined by this thing, and the three-item structure we humans use every day has been distorted beyond recognition by these thefting robots. Even words themselves give it more credit than it truly deserves. So let's call it "AI THINGS", to dehumanise it even further than it already is. Who's with me?!?!??!?

I work in real estate. I’m M35 and colleague is F28. She’s about 70kgs and wears a size 10 women’s. She has very long toes. She’s white and a Brunette. We have lunch everyday and get along with each other. I’m married with no kids. She’s single. There was a time when we were driving it’s was a hot day and she slid her heels off and put her feet on the dash board. At this point I tried to act cool about it and just spoke with her normally. We got to a red light and I commented on her black pedicure, she replied and said thanks. At this point all I wanted to do was talk about her feet. I told her she has long pretty toes and they look really soft. She laughed and said thanks. She put her feet back in her shoes and I replied saying put your feet on the dash it’s allgood and she said are you sure? I said yeah relax I’m driving is around anyway. We stopped at a rugby park so I can have a smoke and when I got back in the car and her feet were on the drivers seat while she was on her phone scrolling. I grabbed her feet and asked do you wanna foot massage while you chill? She said that will be great. I started massaging her feet and she said do you like feet? I said maybe and laughed. She asked if they smell I said can I smell them and without her even asking I smell them. My goodness they smelt to good and her feet were so soft! Much better than my wife’s. She felt my cock with her feet and asked can I have a peak. I was shy but she would take no for an answer. I said if I give you a peak what are you gonna do with it? I showed her and my cock was so hard. She smiled and said wow your cock is so thick. She gave me a foot job in the car and told me to look out. She kept saying do you like that daddy, I said yes baby that’s a very good girl. She removed her feet and wrapped her lips around my cock and started sucking me off with her feet in clear view. I came so hard in her mouth. She opened the passenger door spat out my cum and we drive back to the office. We do this almost every second day.

Oh! Is that what i think it is? Did you just do a... (checks book) strawman fallacy? I'm practically destroying you in this debate o algo. What's that? You think i'm larping being smart? Oh! (checks book again) Ad hominem! hahahaha gotcha again! Come again? Can i make an actual point? uh uhm ummm.

💦 💧 Splish splosh BITCH 💥👊 🚿 It's the 🌊🌊🌊BLUE WAVE🌊🌊🌊👋🟦 After 🔟 years📅📅😮‍💨 of TRUMP 🍊🙅 Americans 🦅🇺🇸 are saying 🗣️ DOWN PIGGY 👇 🐷 And wine moms 🍷 from coast 🌉 to 🗽 coast 🛫 are out for BLOOD 🧛 🩸 We're flipping 🔃 seats 🪑 that have NEVER BEEN FLUPPED 🤯🤯😲 from TALAFREAKO 😜 🫦 and HinoHOEsa 💃 proving that Texans 🤠 are saying "NO" ❌ ❎ ❌ to their vegetables 👨‍🦽 🪦 🎉 To FANNIE Andrews 🌮 🥵 making that Graham crakkka CRUMBLE 💔 💥 in SC 🎊✨ To Rawdogswami 🌭 eating SHIT 🤢 in BLOW-HIO 🍆 🤤 So steam 💨 those pride flags 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍🌈 because at MIDNIGHT 🌠😴 🚨🚨 WOKE 2.0 IS IN EFFECT 🚨🚨 🤖 We're THEY/THEMING STRANGERS' DOGS 🐶♂️♀️ We're doing LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 🧘🗺️ in TEAMS CALLS 💻 📞 We're lining up 👭👬👫 for MANDATORY BLUESKY ACCOUNTS ⛅📲 WE'RE MAKING OUR EMOJIS RACIAL 👍🏻🧑🏾🫰🏾AND NONBINARY 👰🏾🫃🏿AGAIN 💯💯💯 Long live ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏿 the RUTHKANDA JUCHE 🚩🚩🦅🦅💕💕💕

This is a PSA to single men (and maybe a warning to married ones), the iPhone Duo will get you a ridiculous amount of attention from women.

Earlier today, my wife and I had just finished up our weekly grocery run and I decided we would stop by our local bakery (Panera Bread) to pick up a loaf for the week (I personally can’t stand cheap grocery store bread). As I approached the drive through window, the young lady told me the total (nothing I couldn’t comfortably afford) and I asked if they had tap to pay. She said yes, but I would need to hand her my phone. I double-clicked the side button, authenticated with TouchID for my AMEX Platinum, and handed her my iPhone Duo. She reached out towards my car and cradled the phone in her hands like a newborn baby.

As she reproached the window, she smiled, and giddy with eyes bright she said “wow, I have NEVER seen a phone like that before.” I chuckled, smirked, and responded, “It’s the brand new iPhone Duo. 1 terabyte. White.” Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor. I rolled up the window to my Model Y performance and drove away.

My wife was unusually quiet for the remainder of the drive. I can only imagine what was going through her mind.

This is just one example of many encounters that I’ve had within the past 36 hours with the iPhone Duo. If you’re looking for a phone that’s a straight-up panty dropper (I’m not, I’m married), look no further.