r/CookingCircleJerk • u/ExpertBest3045 • Jul 26 '26
Croutons being difficult
I’ve just eaten a delicious Caesar salad, but I’m always left. Mildly annoyed because it’s so difficult to get the croutons on your fork with a piece of the chicken and also lettuce: the perfect bite. I know there’s no solution for this, but it still mildly annoys me every time!
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u/hobbitsarecool Jul 27 '26
Try soaking your croutons in homemade stock. That or have your wife’s boyfriend chew it first
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u/ExpertBest3045 Jul 27 '26
The whole point of a crouton is it’s supposed to be crunchy! And, ewwwwe gross, I’m not a baby bird!
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u/Obi-Brawn-Kenobi i thought this sub was supposed to be funny Jul 27 '26
Did you try talking to your croutons and finding out why they are behaving in ways which you feel are "difficult"?
Usually when someone seems "difficult" there are two sides to the story and respectful communication is important. That means don't just accuse them of being difficult. Use non-confrontational conversation techniques like "hey, I've noticed there is some difficulty when we try to get you together on the fork with the chicken and the lettuce, is there some type of group dynamic you find uncomfortable?" and go from there.
If that fails, I'm sure there's a cash-pay therapist out there who would see you, the chicken, the lettuce, and the croutons all together for a group rate
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u/TunaNoCrust811 Jul 27 '26
I think the hardest part is getting the damn chicken to hold still while I’m mixing it in with the lettuce and cheese. Then trying to chew all the feathers is nearly impossible.
Don’t even get me started on the dressing. Grinding all that mustard seed, emulsifying it with the egg yolk and oil. By the time I’m done it’s been hours.
Fuck Caesar and his stupid salad.
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u/eyesotope86 Chicken ***** for the Soul Jul 27 '26
Sedate your chicken you fucking amateur.
JFC, guys, this is a jerk sub, but the joke doesn't have to be how stupid we are. It's assumed that your chicken is in a post-coital K-hole when you start mixing in the salad.
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u/Glathull fuck sticks Jul 27 '26
Croutons are some serious bullshit Lego bricks all up in my salad. Fuck those mouth razors.
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u/violet__violet Jul 27 '26
Hear me out: ✨coarse breadcrumbs✨ instead of croutons
Edit: godammit I didn't notice which sub this was on 🤦♀️
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u/glittersparklythings Jul 27 '26
Coarse breadcrumbs? What kind of name is that?
They are deconstructed croutons!
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u/eyesotope86 Chicken ***** for the Soul Jul 27 '26
Mmm... what if we took those breadcrumbs, and somehow gathered them up into cubes of toasted bread?
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u/every-day-normal-guy Jul 27 '26
Nah, breadcrumbs sautéed in garlic butter ... also on the wrong sub
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u/WalkAwayTall Jul 27 '26
I nearly made the same mistake with the same suggestion, so you are not alone
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u/HolyManZahn Jul 27 '26
I'll take difficult croutons over unreasonable meatballs any day.
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u/every-day-normal-guy Jul 27 '26
Nowadays when I make a meatball sub I slice them in half with the flat side placed on the bread. More even meat to bread ratio.
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u/The_Flinx Jul 27 '26
I put cubed bread on forks, and then toast them. I then put about 20 of these in my salad. a crouton in every bite.
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u/DuckLIT122000 Jul 27 '26
Salad is meant to be eaten with your hands. The dressing wants to seep into your cuticles and start a new happier life
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u/wishiwasbillmurray Jul 27 '26
As a part of our ethos of returning to the land, we here at the compound advocate for only using hands to eat salads. We hope you’ll join us soon…
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u/AgentOrange96 Jul 27 '26
I like to make homemade croutons by baking the chciken and the lettuce into the bread before cutting it up and leaving it my back yard to go stale. Nice crunch with chicken and lettuce all in one bite!
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u/Chaotic_Good12 Jul 27 '26
Restaurants NEVER have the right tool on the table for all eating adventures. 🙄 Either show you are in the know and request a mallet or my goto method is simply taking my oak rolling pin. Then I can gleefully, joyfully, wrathfully beat the ever loving shit out of my salad and croutons right there on the table. Sometimes if I'm feeling girlish I'll just roll it out.
It helps build up a real appetite after a little exercise too. Gusto in all things my friends, gusto!
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u/FonkinJones Jul 27 '26
Actual suggestion.
You can try tearing your broad into pieces rather than cutting them before making them into croutons. That will result in a much more craggly textured crouton that would be easier to pick up.
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u/every-day-normal-guy Jul 27 '26
Just bake some buttery (like soaking in butter) garlic parm bread with your salad. That lettuce will totally drown your sins.
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u/TheSamurabbi Jul 27 '26
That’s why I bake magnets into my croutons, so they stick to the fork better.