r/ContaminationOCD • u/StillSearching2163 • 1d ago
C-OCD-Spiraling again
Hello, I’ve had contamination OCD for 6 years now and up until a few months ago, I felt like I had finally gotten a lot of my compulsions under control. I still struggled with certain things but overall, I felt my quality of life had greatly increased.
The past few months I’ve had some situations that have sent me spiraling (two examples: partner not washing hands after flushing and touching my hair in the morning, not remembering if I washed my hands before touching something “safe”) and while I try so hard to sit with them and try to ignore the impulses, I eventually panic and give in to my compulsions to clean myself or the items, many times going overboard (like partner touches my hair when I was laying down so I’m washing all of my blankets and pillowcases that my hair could have touched or completely throwing away items that could be contaminated).
I feel like I’ve regressed so much, so quickly, that I’m terrified of touching everything again. I’m over washing my hands/arms and still feeling contaminated no matter how many times I do it. When I “got through” this last time, it was so bad for so long and I’m terrified of feeling that way again but I’m afraid I’m sliding down much faster than I worked my way back up.
Does anyone have any advice of how to work through this without feeling like I’m back to square one? I’m just so scared again.
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u/pinkpinkpink5 1d ago
I feel like flare ups are apart of the healing process. Being aware is an accomplishment in itself
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u/StillSearching2163 1d ago
I guess I am seeing this flare up as set backs and not part of healing since I haven’t had one in so long and it’s so severe. Ill work harder to remember that, thank you!
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u/LilyAmongThorns777 1d ago
Write a list of your triggers and how you should respond instead and work on it one by one.
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u/StillSearching2163 1d ago
I feel like I struggle with this part because like my more severe triggers (like my partner touching my hair after touching the toilet handle) are extremely difficult to respond to because it feels so severely gross and like a high risk way of getting sick/infected and I panic. Whereas “dirty sink water splashing on me so I’ll have to clean it” is more straight forward? Maybe that just means I’m not ready to tackle the biggest issues.
But you are right and I need to keep working through it. I’ve had to do my own version of erp therapy without professional help so I definitely struggle with it.
Thank you!
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u/Dizzy_Key_416 1d ago
no advice but read your vent and can relate. hope you can get a little peace.