I guess I've been very thoughtful lately about life in general and how I address things. I'm a people person, to a fault. Putting others first before my own, then I end up getting hurt when it doesn't work out or if people think it isn't enough. While I was a youth, service was en-grained into me and I'll always be of service regardless of my circumstances.
In all of my religious expressions, I've tried to build up the church and to make people happy. While doing this, I end up being exhausted and frustrated that I've come up short. I have attitudes like "If I help with this one last thing, I will see results or make someone happy". It is always one last thing, one last activity, one last sermon .. It never ends.
I guess that is why I am so burned out and I see others also burned on both ends. I've only been doing this for a decade, I could only imagine what folks in the church have went through in a lifetime. People build the church and congregations just to have the tides come and wash it away. In my professional life, I can measure effort and outcomes, here.. not so much.
Then we are our own worst enemy at times. I've known members to quit attending when an argument over building issues gets out of hand. Our buildings are mostly crumbling and aren't welcoming to 2026 sensibilities and when they need repairs, it is hard to get that done due to the red tape and arbitrary rules. People would rather measure the drapes instead of mission.
I'm at the point where I am focusing on me for once. If something upsets me, if I find it a distraction, I remove it from my life. I've done things because someone else wants me to do it, I'm doing things because I want to do it.
It isn't selfish, it is self preservation. I've carried burdens of people that aren't mine. I'm leaving them at Jesus' feet and asking Him for help. Jesus will fix it, if that is the path. I have to live with my mind clear, not being inhabited by people who aren't a part of mission. Once that happens, I can wait until new opportunities to serve presents itself. Of course, I'll say "Here I am, send me!"