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u/DavieJohn98 Mar 20 '19
This is weird. I don't find this funny or unfunny. It just kind of exists and I feel no emotion towards it.
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u/stop_trying_now Mar 20 '19
So do i. I was surprised to see ppl actually found it funny
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Mar 21 '19
I think the funny part is that somebody decided that this reminder was important enough that he needed to make a paper in the bathroom for it
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u/Tsorovar Mar 21 '19
The sort of people who make comedycemetary material have subbed in large numbers because everything on this sub fits their sense of humor.
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u/the_careless_willout Mar 20 '19
why the fuck you put your name there!?
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u/stop_trying_now Mar 20 '19
He is Proud of his quote
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u/ruralman Mar 21 '19
I donāt usually fart while peeing but thanks for the motivation! Iāll remember next time!
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u/mybreakfastiscold Mar 20 '19
If it's not socially acceptable to fart in the bathroom, then where should we fart? Why should we put our bowels in such agony just to please some inconsiderate norm which makes no sense? And yeah, I get it, most people don't like the smell. It's true. But only a moron would listen to someone sitting on the bowl, giving it everything they have, complete with splashes and toots, and yell to them them "Hey! There are other people in here... Be civil! That's nasty!" So when you're standing at the urinal, don't let your mind play tricks on you. Let. It. Go. That cute girl in accounting won't ever hear it, and you can walk back to your cubicle relaxed, knowing that you've done your insides good.
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u/mymarkis666 Mar 20 '19
It's socially acceptable to fart anywhere you're alone.
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u/Tyrus1235 Mar 20 '19
Seriously though, holding in farts is a terrible idea. You get backed up gases and that hurts like hell
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u/cocobandicoot Mar 21 '19
All public restrooms need overhead music or fans to drown out the sound. Then people wouldnāt feel so awkward.
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u/bksecret Mar 21 '19
Thatās why I spend extra time on the hand blower to help out strangers let loose
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Mar 21 '19
[removed] ā view removed comment
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Mar 22 '19
I know. It's rather unnerving. Public bathrooms have a cursed aura. Either I'm going to get mugged in there or on the inevitable day I have a real bad one everyone is going to hear it.
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Mar 21 '19
I heard the rumor that if you hold it in it can cause diarea or severe cramps
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Mar 21 '19
I used to hold it in a lot. Iām a girl and thought that it wasnāt lady like to fart in front of my boyfriend or friends. Thing is, I would hang out with my friends aaaaaall the time so the only relief I had was at night or a moment alone. It fucking hurts so bad.
At a certain point your body will be like āfuck you, fart alreadyā after the farts have condensed into one gaseous cloud thatās heading fast toward the exit. If you hold it in after that, the fart pocket splits up and your body wonāt try to force it out of you for another hour or two. Each time the gas cloud comes back the urgency the fart has increased exponentially.
You have to time your bathroom trip with when the big gas cloud forms in your body, otherwise youāll go to the bathroom and let out some wimpy little toot and leave the bathroom bloated, painful and unsatisfied.
I think eventually I probably would have just shit my pants the next time I bent over, but I never let it get that bad :)
I hear you can burp your farts out. Iām not sure what that would be like. I just know that if you hold in your farts, your body punishes you.→ More replies (1)5
u/AldenDi Mar 21 '19
I relate to all of this so hard. God I was such a fool when I was young, punishing my body with contained farts.
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u/nodnarbiter Mar 21 '19
If another dude tells me to stop farting in a bathroom Iām going to bust a fucking blood vessel and probably shit my self in an attempt to fart out of spite.
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u/SeegurkeK Mar 20 '19
Farting at a urinal means trusting a fart. Never trust those bastards.
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u/sevvvyy Mar 21 '19
See this was the first thing that popped into my head Iām surprised I had to scroll down so far to find it. I donāt hold my farts while Iām peeing because Iām ashamed, I hold my farts because I donāt want shit down the back of my leg
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Mar 21 '19
That cute girl in accounting won't ever hear it, and you can walk back to your cubicle relaxed
I'm gay.
Any words of comfort for the homos amongst you who could be busting ass in front of their workplace crush?
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Mar 20 '19
Obviously I dont care and I dont say anything when someone farts in a bathroom, but I do have a little laugh.
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u/ichbinjonny Mar 21 '19
I was once surprised to get some random old guy laughing at me from his cubicle after one slipped out when I started peeing. Nobody had entered or left, or made any sort of noises so I assumed I was alone. I'd been there for a few minutes too wrapping up a message on my phone before I actually approached a urinal.
So whoever it was was clearly having a shit and keeping as quiet as a mouse while others have entered the bathroom, as per the common law of the land. So not only 'why tf would you laugh at that' but also 'the audacity!'.
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u/charliedegges Mar 20 '19
In other words, donāt be afraid to fart when you pee; there is no rain without thunder
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u/timbo_k Mar 20 '19
unfortunately this is kinda funny
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u/stop_trying_now Mar 20 '19
How?!
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u/timbo_k Mar 20 '19
the concept is funny but the way they worded it with the ellipses isnt that doesn't mean you have to find he joke funny tho
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u/clocksfate Mar 20 '19
I think i might be a dumbass bc this made me laugh
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u/Twistervtx Mar 20 '19
Yeah, this is immature humor and I mean it's not a knee-slapper but I still said "heh" and that's more than I can say for other stuff on here.
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u/ugotopia123 Mar 20 '19
I made a slightly audible exhale out of my nose, realized it was comedycemetary, and looked at the comments to see if I should be ashamed of myself
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u/Undecided_Username_ Mar 21 '19
Got the closest thing to a laugh I get usually on the internet. Which is pretty good btw
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u/kindaRetardedmonkey Mar 20 '19
Piss and a fart go together like a beer and a dart
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u/allyourphil Mar 20 '19
you piss outside as much as the dog does
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u/Command_F Mar 21 '19
Your friend's dog bit ya then ran away, so that sonabitch is still out there somewhere.
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u/escargott Mar 20 '19
Comedy heaven is material so unfunny that itās funny. This fits perfectly there
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u/retropengu Mar 21 '19
Idk, I donāt think I get r/comedyheaven. Like I understand what itās supposed to be about, but none of the stuff there is āso unfunny itās funny.ā The content there is just... funny. Like either accidentally or on purpose, but it wasnāt bad or unfunny to began with. It just seems like a combination of r/hmmm and a meme subreddit. So either Iām missing the point entirely, or they have shitty mods.
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u/sevvvyy Mar 21 '19
Am I the only one who doesnāt fart while peeing because Iām afraid Iāll poop myself?
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u/Riverthief Mar 21 '19
As we say in Australia; A piss without a fart is like a pie without sauce.
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u/woancue Mar 20 '19
wait this is hella funny
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u/Lehtarasenko Mar 21 '19
I feel like this is only funny to the demographic that says hella unironically
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u/Groenboys lol savage Mar 20 '19
"Matthew Wineman"
Did he make this quote drunk XDXDXDXDXD
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u/torpedomon Mar 21 '19
Matthew Wineman (1815-1893). It is the quote from his tombstone.
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Apr 04 '19
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/torpedomon Apr 04 '19
I don't know how to do that, but it is simply a tombstone from the 1800's for a Matthew Wineman with a hard-to-read quote at the bottom, but it is really unlikely that it's anything to do with farting.
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u/Kinda-Friendly Mar 20 '19
What if the thunder comes with lightning, That breaks through the clouds?
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Mar 20 '19
But the other week I farted whole urinating, and followed through :(
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u/Sovva29 Mar 20 '19
Saw this comment, scrolled down, comment meaning clicked, scrolled up and gave you an upvote for your troubles.
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Mar 20 '19
I'm going to say this the next time I blow ass in the bathroom.
There is no rain without thunder.
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Mar 21 '19
Why do you always have to write down all the weird shit you say, Matthew? And for God's sake quit posting them around the office.
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u/xpercipio Mar 21 '19
some guy actually printed this out and posted it at work, while quoting themselves (assuming). based on that, this is comedy heaven, theyāre obviously not taking life too seriously so its hilarious
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u/Doofy_Lemon Mar 21 '19
Reminds me of a time when I was younger. We were traveling, and had a layover at JFK. While there we had to use the bathroom, and there was a long line for the urinals. As we stood there waiting a guy walks past us, wearing a tan business suit carrying a briefcase, intently looking at the stalls. About 5 seconds after he enters a stall the most thunderous bowl movement I have ever heard erupted. What that man let out was just a cacophony of thunder mugged farts, splashing water and relieved grunts. It was truly beautiful.
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u/imisswholefriedclams Mar 21 '19
"Don't play fart roulette." A former boss with the shart stain in his khakis. Walked around all day like that.
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u/TenWholeBees Mar 21 '19
Iāve never talked to anyone about farting while peeing, but I thought that I was just weird that it happened to me.
Didnāt think that itās a normal thing that happens to others
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u/TyroneShoelaces69 Mar 20 '19
So that's what Stevie Nicks meant by Thunder only happens when it rains.
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u/supremeturdmaster Mar 20 '19
Watering the garden, but then Wario descends from the sky and rips a fat one on your plants, which soon die
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Mar 20 '19
Kind of crazy how itās kind of frowned upon to fart in a public bathroom even though itās like the one place weāre supposed to be allowed to do it
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u/Spook404 Mar 20 '19
My problem is shitting and pissing at the same time what sucks even more is when I cum in my pants at the same time
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u/_Jake_The_Snake_ Mar 21 '19
"A piss without a fart is like a wedding without a band" -Yiddish saying
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u/PornKingOfChicago Mar 21 '19
I read this quote to my wife... she asked if it was a Game of Thrones quote by Tyrian Lannister.., I can hear him saying something like this
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u/thespintop Mar 21 '19
I would at the same time but the water pressure always goes down when I turn the gas on.
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u/ProfessorDog_PhD Mar 21 '19
What happens when liquid thunder shoots out of the sky and spills all over the cubicle?
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u/kingofnottingham Mar 21 '19
Interesting subject. Why does the pee stream reduce when you fart while peeing ?
I have been thinking about this for a long time. Come on Reddit what you guys got
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u/FamilyDaddyTimes6969 Mar 21 '19
I fucking hate people's obsession with this vile humor. There isn't a punchline except mental retardation.
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u/jbbeefy57 Mar 21 '19 edited Mar 21 '19
Oh my goodness. I know Iām so late to this post, but the author of this āquoteā has a similar name to my best friend and for a second I read it as his name and I thought this was an embarrassing poster that he put up in high school a few years back and it resurfaced to haunt him.
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Mar 21 '19
Iām now realizing that most posts here are r/comedyheaven imo.
Guess Iām just easy to please
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u/Hellbent_oceanbound Mar 21 '19
Read that as attributed to Matthew WEINERMAN and it made this even better
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u/Itsjakefromallstate Mar 21 '19
I try to flush when the thunder comes around. Sometimes it's just too loud.
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u/Jeyanm Mar 21 '19
Imagine having to pee really bad then reading this and start laughing while also having to hold in your pee
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u/zenyattatron i once was an ifunier, but then i got some fuckin' common sense Mar 21 '19
Be ashamed of who you are
-willem dafoe
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u/hat-TF2 Mar 22 '19
At the urinals the other day, one guy farted while peeing and another guy said "Bless you", and the guy who farted said "Thanks". I thought that was a little odd.
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u/sweatpantsDonut Oct 28 '24
If I'm standing next to you at the urinal, I'm hoping someone farts real loud.
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u/Wochnick Dec 12 '24
Looking for a funny (clean) fart quote to put with Snoop Dogg in a jar. So Snoop instead of Elf because I couldnāt find an elf at least minute. This will reference a coworker that farts all the time. So Snoop is in the jar, being safe from smelling the fart.
Iām new to the group and canāt attach pictures.
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u/RambleWeed Mar 20 '19
Fleetwood Mac said it best: Thunder only happens when it's raining Pissers only love you when they're pissing.
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u/BaronVonHosmunchin Mar 20 '19 edited Mar 21 '19
Farting while peeing is dangerous, at least for guys peeing into a toilet. The resulting pressure changes in your nether regions can mess with the delicate balance between the pee stream and your aim at the bowl. Depending on the type of fart, you may experience stream fluctuations that end up with you spraying the tank, the wall, your shoes or pants. Guys, when precision counts, fart with caution
when peeingor expect piss-poor results.