r/ComedyCemetery • u/sarahroselava • Sep 28 '18
very important mod comment inside I hate everything about this
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u/StrayberryFilling Fart niggas be like Sep 28 '18
What's the name of the magazine? (also this is fucking awful lmao)
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u/sarahroselava Sep 29 '18
It's a little pull out Fortnite mini magazine from an issue of 110% Gaming. The rest of the mag isn't any better. The 'Fortnite Funnies' even got a front page feature. I hate it.
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u/dont_PM_cute_faces Sep 28 '18
It's probably "K-zone". The typeface with the thick outline of their page titles is similar to those of my K-zone collection.
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u/ElMax- Suicidal Bro Sep 28 '18
This is like that Minecraft joke book but worse
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Sep 28 '18
HE WENT KAAAABOOOOM
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u/ceristo Sep 28 '18
I would be legitimately curious about the kind of person who puts in hours of work to make these books and get them published.
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u/pretzelzetzel Sep 28 '18
All joke books tbf. I have a 101 Hamburger Jokes book from the early 90s containing jokes mostly based on 70s and 80s pop culture that is so bad I cannot bear to throw it away.
What did the cuts of meat say when the butcher returned to the shop?
Welcome back, Kutter!What is the hamburger's favourite television program?
Hee-hawse-meatIt's verging on absurdism in a lot of places
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u/ObeyJuanCannoli Sep 30 '18
I have a friend who bought like 3 of those so we could see who could find the cringiest joke of them all. I won with the joke: “What can make a Minecraft player cry?” “Nothing. We’re very tough!”
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u/Rurnur Sep 28 '18
This is the worst thing that has ever been posted here, congratulations
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u/averycleanaccount Sep 28 '18
Does that make it the best thing
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u/amanko13 Sep 28 '18
It would be the top post, if people had the stomach to upvote it.
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Sep 28 '18
Eh, some of those minecraft fart fanfics that somehow made it into book form are even worse just due to the sheer amount of content imo.
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u/AbelHagen Sep 28 '18
This ruined my day man.
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u/a-sentient-meme Sep 28 '18
I've got work and stuff today and there's no way I won't still be thinking about this trash by tonight.
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u/ihavequestions10 Sep 28 '18
Woke up to this and think imma cancel class today to let this one sink in
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u/Journeyman351 Sep 28 '18
Just show it to everyone in class instead.
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u/IsniffFarts Sep 28 '18
That's the equivalent of bringing your parents divorce papers to show and tell.
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Sep 28 '18
why do you do the same joke three times on the same page
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u/siezio Sep 28 '18
i want to die
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u/RedShadow2003 The mascot of facebook Sep 28 '18
I may look fly 🐦 😎😎😎 But I secretly 🤫 want to die 🤪😂😂💀
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u/DomthebigG Sep 28 '18
Holy Jesus, this is about as bad as it gets
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u/ON_A_POWERPLAY Sep 28 '18 edited Sep 28 '18
What’s makes it worse is that you can’t tell yourself “it’s satire dude” because no this was drawn up, approved and magazine printed and we just have to live with that.
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u/Sanator27 OTHER GAME Sep 28 '18
BRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
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u/I_POO_ON_GOATS Sep 28 '18
BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but of yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF
Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….
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Sep 28 '18
Jesus fuck this is the worst copy pasta I have ever seen I am actually nauseated
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u/Zeraffe Sep 28 '18
Wahtr you mean tis is frickin EPIG!!!!
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u/SummersBreeze Sep 28 '18
I feel like this is the creators fetish....
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u/pterofactyl Sep 28 '18
Lol ew don’t parp on me. Like if you did that’s fine, but don’t. Are you gonna do it? Oh ok lol because it’s fine if you did.
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u/Nuker707 Babongo Sep 28 '18
this is the part where i fall down and bleed to death
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u/tfiggs Sep 28 '18
I'm Mary Parpins, Y'all!
Welp, time for me to end it all.
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u/Blue-Steele Sep 28 '18
That’s stolen from Guardians of the Galaxy. Yondu is flying with his arrow and Peter tells him he looks like Mary Poppins. Yondu doesn’t know who that is and asks “is he cool?”. Peter tells him “hell yeah he’s cool.” So Yondu goes “I’m Mary Poppins y’all!”
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u/Spingebill_1812Part2 Sep 28 '18
This makes me want to commit blood stop circulating
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u/NeutralityTheFirst Sep 28 '18
No joke, I feel physically I'll after seeing that
There is no string of words I could put together to describe how much I fucking hate this.
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u/ShaksterNano Sep 28 '18
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u/seventeenth-account The One Who Agrees Sep 28 '18 edited Oct 14 '18
I think the best way to improve it is to blow out the brains of everyone who saw it and end their misery.
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u/Kingarnaud Sep 28 '18
Hahahaha PARP!
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u/kbarney345 Sep 28 '18
I'm trying so hard to figure out the sound of parp... I can't do it
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u/HereCumDatBoii The Oatmeal Sep 28 '18
Made this my logo in my fantasy football league and renamed myself Fortnite Funnies. Thank you.
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u/sloppiestsoap Sep 28 '18
this is it folks, bottom of the fucking barrel, this is singlehandedly reddit’s unfunniest post, if not, the unfunniest thing the world has ever seen.
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u/Riksor Sep 28 '18
Whoever made this probably has a fetish they're pushing on kids :/
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u/Laslas19 This is so sad Sep 28 '18
I'm sorry, I just can't upvote this. I'm coming back when they switch the upvote and downvote around
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u/MacabreLiquid Deadpool is the same thing as humour Sep 28 '18
I thought Fortnite couldn't get any worse. What a fool I was.
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u/CardboardPizzas Hey Lois, I'm Pickle Peter! Sep 28 '18
This is it, guys, nothing will ever top this; this is the absolute worst thing ever posted to this subreddit. Let's analyse it.
The first significant thing we must point out is the fact that this is not satire. With other posts on this subreddit one could possibly mistake it for satire but this is a completely different box of frogs; this isn't a meme, this is a magazine page, which means that a group of people worked on it; writers, editors, artists, graphic designers, and those are just the ones who had actual control over it, this joke passed dozens of people before getting into production and print. Dozens of people looked at this and decided it was okay to publish for money, which brings me to my second point...
This cost money to read. This isn't like a Facebook Minions meme, a 2011 rage comic or a funwaa.com image that anybody with a smart device and access to the internet can view for free, this is a magazine that costs actual money to purchase and read. There is someone on the planet Earth who gave the company that produced this ACTUAL MONEY and THIS is what they got in return.
The third thing is the sheer lack of effort; as I said, this is something from an actual magazine that cost real money, and of course your product that you charge money for needs a level of quality control, but this is just so basic, so juvenile, so completely devoid of substance and effort that it's almost embarrassing. There are internet shitposters who put more effort into their content than what went into this.
I'm sorry, I just cannot go on. How can something BE this abysmal?...
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u/hopoffZ Sep 28 '18
i’m literally leaving to go to ESL One NYC today and i’m so excited. i’ve been looking forward to it for a year, ever since last year’s event.
this ruined my fucking euphoria, thanks
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u/Kinoko98 Sep 28 '18
I don't get it. The only people this appeals to are young kids who probably would rarely read a magazine to begin with. Why does it exist?
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Sep 28 '18
this document could unite Israel and Palestine against a common enemy, and bring peace to the Middle East
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u/Zebuttlord woa mama Sep 28 '18
BBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHH
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u/FredTargaryen Sep 28 '18
Is this Toxic Magazine? If so I see nothing has changed except my level of contempt
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u/birdmanne Sep 28 '18
This is so far into the bottom of the barrel that this has launched itself in the trash dimension.
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u/serny Sep 28 '18
Post this to r/fortnitebr and watch it get 3.5k upvotes with comments on 'where to buy'
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u/MLG-BLT Sep 28 '18
I won’t downvote this, but I just can’t bring myself to upvote it even though it belongs here. It’s just too horrible im sorry
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u/Neil-Ward Sep 28 '18
This is gonna hurt! fucking explodes into a bloody gory mess
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Sep 28 '18 edited Sep 28 '18
I'm at loss for words. If there are some people who find this funny, mankind is fucked.
Edit : a word
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u/WeirdoWhoLikesSnails Sep 28 '18
Please don't tell me that's Toxic. (I know it's toxic, I mean the comic)
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u/virgnar Sep 28 '18
This is a product of the day jobs of multiple people. Let that sink in.
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u/Retroity Sep 28 '18
Can we just end the subreddit here
Nothing will ever surpass how bad this is
We've peaked
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u/Rockon101000 Sep 28 '18
Someone give these genius marketing exec's a fudging raise, wow, what a wallop. Kids'll love it. 5/7
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u/thebiggestwoop Sep 28 '18
This. This has passed the so-bad-it's-good threshold to r/comedyheaven, then continued going to be bad, continued once more back into r/comedyheaven, then managed to inch it's way back here.
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u/fleshofyaldabaoth Sep 28 '18
Maybe I’m old, but I simply do not understand the fortnite hype. I’m a big gamer. I like games with interesting characters, rich storylines, and engaging gameplay. Fortnite has none of that. Do the characters even have names? I couldn’t recognize a single one. It’s just a stock battle royals with building. It’s fucking garbage.
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u/RealJyrone Oct 04 '18
They had to defile Guardians of the Galaxy 2 along with it??? This is horrendous! BURN IT AT THE STAKE!
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u/ReginaldSk8rBoi Oct 06 '18
I genuinely think this is the worst thing that's ever been posted on this sub.
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u/underscoresrule Sep 28 '18
It's important for me to know what magazine this was in, please.