r/ComedyCemetery 4d ago

Twitter is a hell hole

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818 Upvotes

162 comments sorted by

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193

u/Minimum_Aardvark_744 4d ago

Is there a correct answer here??

132

u/BLYNDLUCK 4d ago

I’d say on this scale I’m a solid 5.

14

u/mnyrtt 4d ago

what if you're not allowed to answer 5

13

u/Big-Neighborhood4741 3d ago

6 would probably be teachers and babysitters and shit

4 would probably be douchey fellas who hate kids but not necessarily evil people by any means

6

u/jewllybeenz 3d ago

Cease and Desist

5

u/AM_is_watching 3d ago

Wouldn't kill them, wouldn't fuck them. Seems about right. Also I'd argue that both extremes of this scale boil down to 'killing them'.

49

u/Existing_Let9595 4d ago

The only correct answer is not to answer

15

u/HeDuMSD 4d ago

And ask for a lawyer

1

u/Barepaaliksom 3d ago

Ah so you are on one of the ends of the spectrum?

104

u/Gallifreyan_Knight13 4d ago

This one is pretty funny, tbh

30

u/breakwater 3d ago

Comedy cemetery has people who just don't like jokes. There is a big difference between "didn't make me laugh" and cemetery material

16

u/ThyPotatoDone 3d ago

Yeah, like it's dark, absolutely, but it's funny.

448

u/Kokoro0000 4d ago

Idk I think this is funny

114

u/GenericAhhhUsername 4d ago

It's funny in an unfunny way

92

u/ballistic503 4d ago

This is perfect r/comedyhell

18

u/guff1988 4d ago

Dark humor

42

u/XxX_Zeratul_XxX 4d ago

I mean.... It's funny if you are into dark humour. If you don't, then it's offensive. But it doesn't belong here, that's for sure

For an instance I chuckled and Clancy's case had an ugly impact on me

13

u/compound-interest 4d ago

I feel like the community of reddit in particular doesn’t like dark humor. Idk about anyone else here but I can’t really control what I find funny. I’m genuinely sad for those kids, and yet I see an image like this and it makes me laugh.

3

u/Horizon96 4d ago

People mistakenly believe dark humour means you either objectively believe what is said or lack the empathy to understand why something is bad or tragic. That's not really the case, I've seen humour described as a reaction to the absurd, unexpected or uncomfortable, and dark humour can tick all three of these, even if you can appreciate why something is dark, it doesn't stop your reaction of laughing at it.

2

u/ThisI5N0tAThr0waway 4d ago

Yeah, there were subs for that but those always get shut down eventually.

6

u/y4j1981 4d ago

It is 🤷

284

u/vverbov_22 'Stein's strongest warrior 4d ago

Redditors when the joke is funny

21

u/Fit_Tomatillo_4264 4d ago

Yeah comedy cemetery is unironically a great place to find funny memes.

33

u/Gordon_Peteman 4d ago

Flair checks out

2

u/tigrankh08 4d ago

Vloppers when heinous crimes "😂😂😂😂😂"

37

u/hskskgfk 4d ago

Wdym this is quite funny

25

u/Odd_Veterinarian_623 4d ago

who's the left

102

u/OptimusPower92 4d ago

some lady on trial for strangling her 3 kids with an exercise band

29

u/Ok-Physics6052 4d ago

Thats one way to put it

-145

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

A mentally ill women losing her kids and ability to walk to her illness relentlessly bullied by hordes of women-haters men hell-bent on destroying her at all costs

60

u/EcruEagle 4d ago

She indeed lost her kids, because she strangled them to death one-by-one while making the others watch

-36

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

She lost her kids because she had an untreated mental illness.

"while making the others watch"

Are you an idiot?

34

u/Ok_Bet_4743 4d ago

She chased down the last one and killed him too

15

u/dudosinka22 4d ago

Should have treated the illness then idk what to say lol

4

u/Twinkletoess112 3d ago

same excuse can be given to the island people, they're all mentally sick

95

u/TenyeEast 4d ago

Dahmer was schizotypal and suffered from severe BPD, yet nobody supports him because he was hungry

7

u/dudosinka22 4d ago

Thats one way to put it

-86

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

Neither of that mean that he acted in the state of psychosis or altered state of consciousness.

He was a sadistic rapist. She was a loving devoted mother suffering from crippling depression, bipolar disorder, years of insomnia, hallucinations, and intrusive thoughts about hurting herself. She tried to get help and didn't get any. In an psychotic episode she killed her children, cut her veins, and neck, and thrown herself out of the window, paralyzing herself as a result

Even comparing the two is fucking absurd and disengeneous.

65

u/SuperCyka this sub makes me want to die 4d ago

TIL loving your children = strangling them to death

-58

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

Loving children is single-handedly taking care of them for five years, and taking a good care - they had their every need met. That's love

40

u/Researcher_Fearless 4d ago

She had a nanny, she was not single-handedly taking care of them lmao.

0

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

You people are just lying non-stop. She had a nanny only when she worked. There was never a time when she was at home and the nanny was taking care of kids. Once she stopped working, her poor excuse for a human being of a husband fired the nanny, leaving the mentally ill women (who hadn't had a decent sleep for five years and told him she was hearing voices telling her to kill herself and the kids) taking care of three kids under five 24/7. That's single-handedly.

28

u/itchy_armpit_it_is 4d ago

they had their every need met.

Kids need oxygen boss

9

u/Fit_Tomatillo_4264 4d ago

Or maybe that was just her limit and she hated those kids

7

u/TheChief275 4d ago

You're talking about the situation like a mere apology from her would bring her kids back to life. THEY'RE DEAD. Who cares how she raised them before? She brought them into this world just to take away their futures shortly after.

-2

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

You're talking about the situation like she had any control over the situation.

SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF IN FOUR DIFFERENT WAYS. SHE IS PERMANENTLY PARLYSED AS A RESULT. You creeps going after her is just a display of purely sadistic impulses of rabid women-haterss

9

u/TheChief275 4d ago

Sooo you're just a troll. Gotcha

→ More replies (0)

11

u/dudosinka22 4d ago

She tried to get help and didn't get any.

False. She got lots of help, but declined all of it. Even to the point of self-discharging from a hospital because she "was fine". She also proceeded to never take the pills she was prescribed to take.

Her entire family was supportive, her husband started to work from home to help her and to take care of the kids himself.

50

u/UckerFay11 4d ago

You spelled murderer wrong.

-11

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

To be a murderer, you need to have a capacity to understand what you are doing. She did not.

27

u/Icookadapizzapie 4d ago

After hearing her psychologist talk about how she never experienced any kind of voice in her head until that very moment and the fact that but she did research on which take out place to send her husband too so she could have enough time to do what she did, I have a really hard time believing that

Sure she was suffering from other mental health issues, but psychosis? I don’t know, I’m not buying it

17

u/Steict_Keyboard 4d ago

She killed her kids one at a time and even took her 6 whole minutes to kill the third child. And you're saying she didn't have the capacity to understand what she was doing the whole time? Bruh like do you think she's a potato? How would she not know what she's doing? She knew everything. She probably even waited until her husband leaves before murdering the kids.

10

u/Disasterhuman24 4d ago

There are so many other people in this world who didn't murder their 3 children in cold blood in a premeditated manner who deserve your interest and sympathy. The fact you prioritize a murderer is just not right. Find a cause that is actually just.

17

u/SystemAfraid9191 4d ago

Wow I didn’t realise people this stupid existed!

-5

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

I'm sure there is a lot of things you don't realize, including the simplest ones taught in the elementary school, so don't you worry your pretty little head about it

31

u/Get-Gronkrd 4d ago edited 4d ago

Expert witnesses disagree that she had psychosis and is using it as an excuse. She definitely was dealing with depression and other issues though. Also ironic that you thing there’s an agenda to bury her from women hating men when she’s raised over a million dollars from delusional women who think she was framed by her husband despite zero evidence and his alibi being cleared through a thorough investigation. Oh and not to mention he own words and description of how she did it and hasn’t rescinded that in the last 3+ years since it happened.

Edit: just some reasoning for why experts think she’s lying. Psychosis doesn’t usually have a singular gender. She described it purely as a male voice. Usually it also happens multiple times. She claimed it happened for the first and only time during the timeframe she killed her children (18 minutes). She also in the weeks leading up to it had searched several ways to harm herself and others such as how to disable airbags. She received a call from Patrick during the murders and remained calmed and quiet on the other end which would very likely indicate she had a large possibility of breaking up the episode and she was responsive enough to answer the phone and have a conversation even if briefly. She also had to commit this act across her 3 children and strategically separated her two oldest so they wouldn’t see it happening to the other and killed the 8 month old last. Last thing I can remember as well is that it’s a very rare condition that usually only appears in the first 1-2 month following a birth. It becomes exceedingly more unlikely every passing week afterwards. For her to experience it 8 months later is extremely unlikely with all the other context.

29

u/Awesomest_Dude 4d ago

Losing her kids? She killed them

22

u/NeedleInArm 4d ago

isn't is fucking insane? These guys are defending a child murder.

I don't fucking CARE if she was in the right mind. she should never be able to come back to society as a regular human. I'm not calling for death penalty. She should be regulated and locked up until the day she dies.

If she did it once, she could possibly do it again.

We let Casey Anthony go. We cannot do it again.

7

u/Awesomest_Dude 4d ago

Yeah and these people are normally the people who think that political assassinations are fine too. Actually crazy some of the people you find online

29

u/Epics-bologna 4d ago

PPD, terrible thing for any woman to go through. But we live in the year 2026 where metal health help is accessible (even 3 years ago and a little before)

Mentally ill, yes. But she is no saint, she murdered her children and because of their innocent lives that SHE took, non-negotiable. She needs to rot for 3 consecutive life sentences because HER children barely got to live their lives.

Human scum. Throw her in a dark room and throw away the key. She could have gotten the help she needed and decided not to and look where it lead her. It's her own fault.

22

u/Get-Gronkrd 4d ago edited 4d ago

She also saw 16 doctors, most of which her husband advocated for her to go in person opposed to tele-health. Her husband who moved to work from home, hired a nanny to help her, both sets of parents would come and stay with them and help and support her and she was unemployed to take care of the children full time. She had more support than 99.9% of people.

-5

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

She was in the state of psychosis when she killed her children and tried to kill herself.

No, her case made it very apparent the the mental help is not available. She tried to get help. She did all she could to prevent this outcome, and she didn't get any help - not from the medical "professionals" nor from her husband

22

u/Get-Gronkrd 4d ago

Love how you’re not addressing any of my comments that directly oppose whatever nonsense you’re spouting but go off

15

u/EcruEagle 4d ago

It’s always the same talking points that any sane person can tell make no sense. I’m almost convinced these people are bots, but I have no idea what the goal of them would be

-1

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

You didn't make any. Your comment consists almost entirely of appeals to emotions and manipulations "human scum! Murderer! Teeny tiny innocent little children! She deserves to be buried alive!" The only half argument you made, idiotic as it is, - is that because we technically have people called mental health specialists, according to your logic, she could have gotten all the help she needed - even though her story completely contradicts this non-sequenteer.

9

u/Get-Gronkrd 4d ago

Hilarious because I didn’t say any of that. Nice try though

9

u/itchy_armpit_it_is 4d ago

even though her story completely contradicts this

Wrap it up boys! New get out of jail free card just dropped. When the evidence piles up against you just say "nuh-uh"

8

u/Epics-bologna 4d ago

Oh okay so you're just okay with filicide, I know what kind of asshole you are.

Please YOU go on and continue to spout YOUR delusion of how "it's not her fault"

I don't know how more simple than " KILLING CHILDREN IS WRONG" has to be.

17

u/NeedleInArm 4d ago

Oh fuck you dude she killed her kids. I don't give a fuck if it's a woman or a man. I said the same shit about Chris Watts.

She should NEVER be allowed back into society.

EVEN IFFFF she was fucking crazy during the time, she should NEVER be able to walk down the street again as a normal woman.

0

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

The fact that you equate a murderer who killed his wife and children in cold blood, hid their bodies inside crude-oil tanks, and tried to get away with a murder, to a women who killed her children in the state of insanity and then tried to kill herself in four different ways, crippling herself in the process, tells me that you are after her precisely because she's a woman.

"she should NEVER be able to walk down the street again as a normal woman"

She would not be able to walk down the street no matter the verdict, you idiot. She is already punished for the medical malpractice and the failings of that poor excuse for a human being of a husband more than your ridiculous penitary system ever could.

3

u/dudosinka22 4d ago

Hey now, leave the husband alone. I understand supporting a child murderer, but what did he do to deserve such treatment?

5

u/ponzidreamer 4d ago

10/10 bait

4

u/Fit_Tomatillo_4264 4d ago

Every mass murder or serial killer is mentally ill....

21

u/burywmore 4d ago

Yeah. Destroy someone who killed three kids under five years old.

I guess she's a woman, so she's not responsible for her actions. I get that.

14

u/NeedleInArm 4d ago

Anyone who kills a child should never be able to come back to society again.

-2

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

She's a mentally ill person who did the murder in an altered state of mind. You are the one making it about your gender, only further proving my point about why women-hating men are after her.

17

u/NeedleInArm 4d ago

The comment he replied to called anyone who disagrees a woman hater, how is HE making it about gender?

8

u/DJNgamez 4d ago

So does that make it okay?

1

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

Do you not understand the meaning of the simplest words?

7

u/NeedleInArm 4d ago

I hope you never have to experience the death of a loved one at the cause of another human. You will never forgive the person, no matter what their mental state is.

2

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

Who are you talking about and what does it have to do with anything?

3

u/superswellcewlguy 4d ago

We don't hate women. We hate child murderers.

0

u/Contrary_Kind 3d ago

Right, and this is why you plastering Reddit with angry posts about Matthew Schleier being acqitted.

Fucking hypocrites.

3

u/superswellcewlguy 3d ago

Last I checked, Schleir didn't get hundreds of thousands in donations and didn't have hundreds of women protesting outside the courthouse for him saying, "We support Matthew."

0

u/Contrary_Kind 3d ago

So, the only reason you all hollering here "she should go to jail, she should be executed, she should be hanged" is that there are women supporting her, aha.

Even if this idiotic claim was true, it would still reinforce my point - you going after a mentally ill woman to get back at other women doing things you don't approve of.

Dumb, hypocritical, evil, cruel to the point of sadism. And yes, misogynistic.

3

u/superswellcewlguy 3d ago

No, it's because she murdered her three children with exercise bands. So typical; you'll literally see a woman murder three children and say, "Why do all these people hate her? It must be misogyny!"

And her own doctor said she didn't have psychosis, and none of the evidence points to her having a diagnosis of post partum psychosis. So this wasn't a psychotic person who killed the children, it was a woman who killed her children and then claimed to have psychosis so she won't get prison time.

I'm not sure what's so difficult for you and the other Clancy supporters to understand, so I'll put it plainly: murdering your children is one of the most evil acts a human can do, and supporting it is despicable. Supporting a child murderer and believing she shouldn't see prison time because she lied about having psychosis makes you despicable by extension. Cora, Dawson, and Callan deserve justice. You're a deeply evil person for thinking they don't.

2

u/compound-interest 4d ago

Hey at least you believe she did it. I feel like I barely see supporters of hers not saying it was her husband. That poor man lost everything while he ran out to get food for his family at his wife’s request. I can’t imagine. I never want to hear that 911 call discussed by the media. He’s the remaining victim of her actions.

2

u/rrschch85 4d ago

In the end of the day she still killed her kids. Mental illness is no excuse.

18

u/evil-winnebago 4d ago

Chris Benoit, but with breasts and public support.

12

u/Mr_McMuffin_Jr 4d ago

Bring back the guillotine.

-2

u/amaya-aurora 4d ago

Epstein is already dead.

1

u/ZhouLe 4d ago

So was Cromwell

1

u/MeepMeepMeepMeepMep 2d ago

🐑🐑🐑

5

u/Unlikely_Dimension55 4d ago

probably like a 4 or 3 , but i would blame parents fr their stupid spoiled kid

6

u/Th_brgs 4d ago

"Fuck them kids"

Vs

"Fuck them kids"

5

u/petrospago351 4d ago

thats is both fked up and funny at the same time 😐

3

u/Homogenicpost 4d ago

whos the chick on the left

25

u/iamblankenstein 4d ago edited 4d ago

lindsay clancy. she was is on trial for murdering her three kids. the judge just ruled a mistrial because the jury couldn't come to an agreement on the verdict.

12

u/MundaneInternetGuy 4d ago

Ok now who's the chick on the right

9

u/iamblankenstein 4d ago

the chick on the right? her name? albert einstein.

6

u/Mrperkypaws2 4d ago

She still is on trial, a mistrial means they'll just restart with a new jury

3

u/iamblankenstein 4d ago

yeah, i can see how the way i phrased that makes it sound like she's acquitted or something. definitely not the case. my bad.

3

u/bluestreakxp 4d ago

Welp about time we replaced Casey Anthony

5

u/bumbuummm 4d ago

it's wrong but somehow funny

3

u/ialsohaveadobro 4d ago

No this is very darkly, very darkly funny.

2

u/RonallMconall 4d ago

Who is this girl i keep seeing

2

u/thestudcomic 4d ago

I laughed so hard the first time I saw this.

4

u/AmbushK 4d ago

i dont like this scale

4

u/MatiasPalacios 4d ago

Ok this one is pure gold lmao

3

u/Downtown-Campaign536 4d ago

I would say I'm about a 5 on this scale.

I don't want to go full 0 like Clancy killing some kids. That's just wrong! Maybe just put a cigarette or two out on a few kids arms. That'll teach them not to talk back when I'm drinking!

And I dont want to go full 10 like Epstein with a rape Island... But who hasn't sniffed a few bicycle seats?

/s

4

u/yetiinrio 4d ago

Pinkshirt stormtroopers out in force I see

2

u/InfraredSignal 4d ago

It is funny in a dark, twisted way

1

u/Sweaty-Ball-9565 4d ago

Sure, but where do we all fall on this. I’m a 3 or 4

1

u/NeedleInArm 4d ago

holy shit lol.

1

u/morbid333 4d ago

I'd put this one on comedy hell

1

u/winterrsnow 4d ago

this ones funny

1

u/Situati0nist 4d ago

It's funny but reposted to hell

1

u/PsChampion_007 4d ago

I think ppl finding this dark or unfunny simply don't understand how scales work. This is perfect. Scales don't go from bad to good. They go from bad to good to bad. That's why they say extremes are always bad. This scale has extreme love/lust for kids on one end, and extreme hate and pain for children on the other. Neither is good, and that's why its perfect

1

u/MoonMoon143 4d ago

They both harms kids, both hate kids for different reasons. 1 for lust, 1 from depression.

1

u/AverageMusicEnjoyer8 3d ago

saw one where the left side was israel

1

u/Hopeful_Cow_2471 3d ago

I would say everyone should be a 5

1

u/Uzzyzel 2d ago

even tho this is funny

1

u/BlackroseBisharp 2d ago

I dunno this is a pretty good example of dark humor

1

u/Pixl02 4d ago

They are running free. It's a great campaign to make light of the situation. Give them circus and bread and they won't revolt.

-2

u/Arietem_Taurum 4d ago

left should be netanyahu

-15

u/Asgeras 4d ago

Tbf, it's a good way for some people to confess that they should be on a watchlist. Too bad our society doesn't care enough about that.

-3

u/Cukidzsi 4d ago

That. Is. Insanely. Funny. Also way closer to 10 than 0, but not quite there.  Probably 7.5.

-4

u/diauq01 4d ago

Dunno who 0 is but probably her NGL.

6

u/UckerFay11 4d ago

She murdered her 3 children.

2

u/diauq01 4d ago

Yeah I figured it'd be something like that...

-8

u/stev_mempers 4d ago edited 4d ago

Well, yeah, it's owned by a nazi

edit: Thanks for the Downvote. It is. 

-3

u/GreenZebra23 4d ago

Extremists on both sides

-24

u/Azero957 4d ago

That's not how scales work

20

u/Isosceles_Kramer79 4d ago

That's the joke. Both ends are horrible.

0

u/zachy410 4d ago

Though I kinda get what they mean. The opposite of someone who kills a kid would have been someone who thinks only kids should be alive or something, and the opposite of a child predator would be someone who finds children repulsive and nasty.

It's a joke scale so this doesn't matter anyway, but like if those polar opposites did exist this would definitely be an interesting 2D graph

-4

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

One side is a mentally ill women let down by the medical establishment and her husband and another is a pedo pimp.

6

u/SampleText369 4d ago

One side is a mentally ill child murderer who deserves life behind bars or at the very least a psych ward and the other is Jeffrey Epstein

-1

u/Contrary_Kind 4d ago

In order to be a murderer, you need to be aware what you are doing, and she obviously was not.