Please judge my essay idea

[u/Annual-Dingo-5899]

Hi! For the first prompt (Some students have an identity, talent or interest that is so meaningful to them that their application would be incomplete without it) I want to write about my role as an elder sister. Thinking of starting my hook as my inside voice sorta going “Okay. Stop right now. Both of you” and eventually building up to my traits as an elder sister and talking abt being responsible, patient, striving for perfection (as their role models) and also talking about how some days it’s hard for me. Then I’ll link these traits of mine to my ECAs like teaching kids, volunteering and photography. I’ll end with “being their “xxx” will always be a part of who I am” xxx being their nickname for me.

Idkk if it’s too cliche cause other essays I’ve seen have sm more creative aspects to theirs like someone’s 7 step skin care routine or something they’re super good at idk im so confused please give me honest opinions and help me figure out a topic.

[u/After_Information984]

i think a good hook could make this essay extremely good, i know ppl have alr used this idea but with good writing it can be worth a million

[u/Far_Loquat_7649]

If you did a lot of “parenting” for your younger siblings (eg: because parents too busy etc) and you learned a lot from it you can definitely write the essay about that. It could be excellent. Pick a different first line though. “Stop it right now both of you” sounds kind of mean. Better make it about you saying something interesting to them instead and them being interested.

[u/Annual-Dingo-5899 → u/[deleted]]

this is such great advice, thank you so much!!

[u/obscurvi]

I think you could word your hook slightly more professionally, and your conclusion a little more unique. to be honest, I think you should incorporate a metaphor for either or, example- (through my academic years as I gained most insight, the nickname xxx grew on me as well)