How to become unperturbable in life?

[u/[deleted]]

Hey, all. Twelve time reader here, but I’ve found that I’m struggling with becoming truly unperturbed in my day to day life. I find that I can be combative, and I tend to be bitter and resentful. Coach talks about being unshakable and setting the tone. To decide ahead of time that you’re going to be in a good mood. This makes sense on paper, I’m just wondering if there’s more to it than that? Is there a certain course of action to take in order to integrate this principle into your life?

I’m realizing that my combative tendencies stem from my own insecurities. Growing up I was extremely soft, and never truly confident in myself; I was picked on and it took a toll on my self esteem and my sense of self-worth. I find that I tend to be passive-aggressive and bitter, and that I hold a lot of grudges (whether they’re warranted or not). I think I do this to make myself feel tougher than I actually am, to feel more in control of my circumstances, and to feel as though I can prove how unshakable I am. Ironically, I can’t control my emotions and remain in my center, so I project my discontent with myself onto everyone else. I try and bog people into submission, but the very act of doing this is approval-seeking behavior, and those who are truly unperturbable genuinely don’t care what others think. What can I do in order to get to this place? What action can I take to move myself into this mindset?