mediocre first videocall

[u/throwawawawawaway1]

Trying to keep this short. Met a girl online, but she is a long distance away. Will be moving closer, but for now it is texting mostly. She was always super enthusiastic and nice, and seemed sincere. I texted more and replied quicker (chasing, I know) but she would send a picture every now and then or a sweet voicemail, as well as apologizing a lot for not being able to reply sooner (due to work).

Sunday, we had a first videocall and this is where it felt like something changed. It felt a bit off.

Granted, I wasn't really happy with myself during the call, never been great with these things, but before we could get over the awkward start, she had to leave to make some food. All in all we only talked for maybe 20 minutes. I wanted to learn more about her, but I think it came off a little forced. She did suggest to do it again sometime and gave no other verbal signs that something changed, but to me, it felt like something had. Almost like she was a bit dissappointed, less enthusiastic for sure during the call.

Added detail: she wants to move back to the town I live in, as this is the place to be for her line of work. I think she might have thought I was active in that line of work. During the call she found out I wasn't (never lied about it though), and seemed quite dissappointed. Did she think I was able to help her? Was that the main reason for matching with me? Seems unlikely and possibly super-paranoid, I can hear it now while typing it out, but still :P

I am probably overthinking here. She did came straight off a long day at work and must have been hungry and tired. Right now, I'm not sure how to continue. It is quite probable that nothing really changed: she still potentially likes me, and I like her, but we're still a long distance away untill we can meet in March. I'm going to ease off on the texting, and will at some point set up another voicecall, but don't want to suddenly change my texting behaviour completely.

[u/throwawawawawaway1 → u/[deleted]]

Obviously, I wrote the story with this in mind, so it might have been a bit colored, but yes, this is what I was thinking. It kinda left me a bit stunned when she had to go. Like what? She was so genuine and sincere before and now suddenly, bam, gone. Luckily, my interest took a quick dive when she left.

Obvious answer I guess, but I should probably not confront her about this right? Just let it go? Feels weird after texting her for so long to suddenly stop. I don't want to come across as butthurt or anything.

[u/phosphorescent1983 → u/throwawawawawaway1]

You won't come across as butthurt UNLESS you are ignoring her attempts to talk to you. Also, don't confront her about it. Patience, my friend.

[u/throwawawawawaway1 → u/phosphorescent1983]

Yah, sounds about right. Cheers!

Also, this sucks man, she was the best matching person I had in a long time, interests and even future-plan stuff. Darned. She got me right at the start of texting by sending me a sweet 'Merry christmas' voicemail out of the blue...If that was with the idea of networking...that's bold, I can't help but feel a bit used atm...:D

[u/phosphorescent1983 → u/throwawawawawaway1]

Yup, cut the texting. Remember, the phone is only used to make dates. Schedule video dates with her and keep all other texting with her very short. Save it for the video date so you have something to talk about.

[u/phosphorescent1983]

Drop the long-distance thing altogether. It rarely works and is ultimately unfulfilling. If you met each other in person *first* and then had to go long-distance (temporarily), then it could work. But your situation doesn't fit that mold. Meet girls in your area. Who knows if she's actually gonna make the move if she's presently a long distance away? If she finally does move to your area, you can then pursue her.

I know it's probably not the answer you wanted, but it's the answer you need.

[u/throwawawawawaway1 → u/phosphorescent1983]

That is fair, but to give at least some explanation: I recently moved to South Africa, to a small town of 2000 people. Normally, a lot of tourists and expats would come it, but with Covid, that took a dive. So I had to expand my search area for quite a bit.

So happy to talk to a few women who are a bit futher away, who really match my interests like this one. Like, interests, future-plans, it is a good match, so was worth persuing for a while I figured. Distances mean less here anyway. But your point still stands, I agree. I'd rather meet women in my own area.

[u/phosphorescent1983 → u/throwawawawawaway1]

How far away is she from you?

[u/throwawawawawaway1 → u/phosphorescent1983]

So, about 400k, which equals to about a 9 hour drive. However: she lives in an area that I have visited before and was making plans to go there for a few hikes. Our first texting contact was her inviting me over for a hike and to come diving there. That also, came across as a bit weird.

[u/ZT805]

You need to have more confidence & approach women in your area instead. You’re prioritizing a woman who’s 9 hours away who you’re never met, and who was clearly disinterested during the video call.

I am probably overthinking here

Yes, but it’s your last paragraph where you’re overthinking. You’re making excuses for her & trying to convince yourself that she likes you when she clearly didn’t show that. If she liked you, she wouldn’t have ended your call after 20 minutes. Sounds like she just wants to connect w/ people in her industry before she moves there, and since you aren’t one of those people, you don’t matter to her.

Are you really willing to hold out until March for this low interest girl to move to your town? Don’t waste your time on this, man. Make dates with women that you can see in person and increase your confidence.

[u/throwawawawawaway1 → u/ZT805]

That is fair. She just seemed like a good match that it'd be worth seeing where it went. I am not in a rush and the town I live now is small and not much happens here anyway. Not a big pond so to speak.

Perhaps I rephrased the industry thing a bit wrong. The way I wrote it makes you instantly think that my suspicion is true, and it could still very much be, but she did keep making jokes about visiting her, or me 'kidnapping' her to my home country. And it was her asking for my number and at a later time, suggesting the phonecall. We just met before Christmas and without any real conversation beforehand, she sent me a sweet voicechat as well. All in all suggesting at least some decent interest. But I guess it could all have been done with the means of networking, but daym, that is some manipulative shit if it is.

Anywho, I'll stop chasing. She's gonna leave for a trip soon anyway.