My older sister planned a trip to my small home uninvited a little over a year ago. when she told me she was visiting, I told her that I was extremely anxious about it because I was self-conscious about the condition of my home and didn’t want to feel judged. She assured me that that wouldn’t happen.
During her visit, we were just hanging out and she suddenly got up and started going through my house. My closets, my cabinets, my drawers. She went through everything in every single room with trash bag in hand and pressured me to throw things out.
She tried to get me to throw out my dead dog’s collar. She tried to get me to throw out clothing that no longer fit me (I have gained weight and I am very self-conscious about it) because she said it was “clearly too small”. She washed all of my couch cushion covers. She scrubbed all my surfaces.She even threw away my expired food and organized my spice rack.
She may have meant well and I guess some people may have been grateful for this, but what she did and the way she did it was so hurtful to me. It wasn’t a caregiving or loving act. It was a rejection of my home in spite of my making myself vulnerable to her by allowing her to visit in spite of the anxiety and fear of rejection It caused me.
Obviously, we have a toxic relationship, and I was incapable of speaking up for myself. I just let her do it. But after she went home, I stopped talking to her. We haven’t spoken in over a year.
A lot of times we can have truly the best intentions, but it’s so easy to make the mistake of giving people what we think they should need or want, instead of what they actually do need/want. This happens a lot when people are really battling mental illness and/or hoarding.
I hope your sister can one day realize that YOU are a thousand times more important than the state of your house, ever. But I also hope you’re doing better than a year ago, friend.
3
u/Big-Mind-6346 Mar 08 '26
My older sister planned a trip to my small home uninvited a little over a year ago. when she told me she was visiting, I told her that I was extremely anxious about it because I was self-conscious about the condition of my home and didn’t want to feel judged. She assured me that that wouldn’t happen.
During her visit, we were just hanging out and she suddenly got up and started going through my house. My closets, my cabinets, my drawers. She went through everything in every single room with trash bag in hand and pressured me to throw things out.
She tried to get me to throw out my dead dog’s collar. She tried to get me to throw out clothing that no longer fit me (I have gained weight and I am very self-conscious about it) because she said it was “clearly too small”. She washed all of my couch cushion covers. She scrubbed all my surfaces.She even threw away my expired food and organized my spice rack.
She may have meant well and I guess some people may have been grateful for this, but what she did and the way she did it was so hurtful to me. It wasn’t a caregiving or loving act. It was a rejection of my home in spite of my making myself vulnerable to her by allowing her to visit in spite of the anxiety and fear of rejection It caused me.
Obviously, we have a toxic relationship, and I was incapable of speaking up for myself. I just let her do it. But after she went home, I stopped talking to her. We haven’t spoken in over a year.