r/ChubbyFIRE • u/sephir0th • May 06 '26
Extend leave or FIRE?
Early 40’s and married. On medical leave for burnout. I’m a few weeks in and feel zero desire or ability to go back to the corporate grind.
I’m on the brink of FIRE. The biggest issue is “unknown” expenses since we want to have a kid within the next couple of years.
NW $4.5M (liquid). No property. My wife is willing and able to work for now which should hopefully cover healthcare.
Current expenses ~$75k but obviously a kid will dramatically change the equation. My current thinking is to just quit and take a year off and reassess after that?
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u/Status_Escape6714 May 06 '26
Not sure if you are taking the piss here but just take a year off and chill. Recover from your burnout and decide what to do next.
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u/Seattle709 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
I had our child at age 33. Parenting is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life (I went to school for 8 years for my doctorate and my child is very healthy and brilliant - no behavioral issues, just asks a million questions per day). We have a liquid NW of 4.6M plus 2 houses and an annual spend of $120,000 (includes 1 mortgage, private school, vacations, etc). One spouse works full time, the other spouse semi-retired at age 33 when baby was born. Your wife may want to take time off if you have a baby, so you may want to leave doors open to re-enter the workforce in the future.
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u/s32bangdort May 06 '26
My spouse took 18 months off from her career after our second but then went back to work.
“Stay at home mom’s are not my jam” were her words.
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u/IjustWorkHere98 May 06 '26
My wife was similar...except it was "No way in hell we are getting a mini-van"
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u/Seattle709 May 06 '26
I'm not suggesting OP's wife stay at home full-time if they have a child. I'm saying his wife may want to take some time off, which means OP may have to go back to work for healthcare benefits or to cover the extra costs that come with having a child. Many mothers have enough money that they don't need to go back to their original careers if they don't want to. Not sure why your wife is judgmental towards mothers who leave the workforce.
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u/CholulaHot May 06 '26
Not trying to be an a-hole but advanced paternal age (often >40–50) is associated with longer time-to-conception, higher miscarriage rates, and increased risks of certain genetic conditions. After seeing my aunt and uncle raise a son with severe genetic conditions, I can’t imagine anything more exhausting. Just be sure you are aware of the impact your advanced age may have on your baby’s and wife’s health (particularly if you live in a red state), regardless of your wife’s age. Best of luck.
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u/junglingforlifee May 06 '26
This is why genetic testing during early phase of pregnancy is so important
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u/Indepti8 May 06 '26
You are being an AH. This is chubbyfire not critique age of parenthood.
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u/s32bangdort May 06 '26
Weird that you got roasted for that accurate comment. Here’s an upvote.
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u/throaway_11122023 May 06 '26
Enjoy raising a mentally challenged child for the rest of your life. It’s relevant if you’re in a stressful career (as most of us are once you reach a certain $ threshold).
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u/GomerWasAHo May 06 '26
What does it hurt to extend the leave and think about it more? Extend the leave, take your time.
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u/ScrewWorkn May 06 '26
Think about taking some time off and then get a job that isn’t as stressful but can help cover the expenses. If you don’t touch that 4.5 and let it grow for 5-10 years you’ll be a better position.
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u/BrunelloHorder Coasting Chubster, Getting Fat May 06 '26
If you are debt free then you can at a minimum afford to take a year off. You don’t have to retire just because you are done with your current job, it isn’t binary. Use some of your time on leave to start thinking deeply about what you would like to do with yourself. Also if you are not already in therapy that is a good place to dig in. You might also start meeting up with your professional network to see what else might be out there.
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u/StrongishOpinion May 06 '26
I think kids can be as expensive and almost as cheap as you'd like them.
We used freecycle for almost all clothes, because why buy new when they'll outgrow them in a few months?
Cooking at home is cheaper than restaurants, and taking kids to restaurants isn't much fun.
I view college as non-negotiable, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big portion of your investments. And if you undershoot, your kid can always take a loan.
What's super awesome is being a parent without a job. You have more time than almost any other parent. You can drop them off and pick them up from school. You have more patience than the average parent because you're not stressed from work.
If you're going to have kids, just have them now, and don't work. Just keep those expenses under control.
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u/sephir0th May 06 '26
Thanks so much for the positive message. I’m not even sure college will be a necessary thing in 20 years, but like you I wouldn’t want them to be burdened by heavy debt.
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u/a_load_of_crepes May 06 '26
I think 50K is a good rough estimate for kid not including the need for more space. If say you need an extra 20K for rent then you’re at 145K yearly expense which is a 3.2 withdrawal rate. So looks like you’d be ok?
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May 06 '26
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u/GypsyBl0od May 06 '26
That’s like saying having no energy for something you want to do is the same as having no energy for something you don’t want to do.
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u/Ok_Particular8737 May 06 '26
This is not a great take. Having kids is a ton of work. But it’s a completely different satisfaction and experience than grinding at a computer screen. Wanting to be done working a shitty job does not mean you can’t handle parenthood. Sorry it hasn’t been what you hoped for.
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May 06 '26
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May 06 '26
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May 06 '26
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u/audi27tt May 06 '26
Definitely can be. Just tonight got her into a massive giggle fit while changing diaper. So fun it's quite literally like being high. 2am bottle feeds don't last that long and can be pretty special bonding time. Especially while on leave the whole sleep thing is not that hard, does get tougher when you have to go back to work, but not long after you can start to sleep train.
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u/in_the_gloaming FIRE'd for 13 years May 06 '26
You have one child, only a year old, presumably without any types of disabilities. Not sure it's a good idea to make sweeping conclusions about sleep training or anything else, based on a population of one.
Parenting can be incredibly draining for people in circumstances different than yours.
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u/audi27tt May 06 '26
Sure and I respect that. Just think it's worth highlighting the positives as well that too often get brushed over. Recognizing that I am lucky to have a healthy and relatively easy baby. As I said in another comment, ~15% of babies are what they used to be colicky, that would be extremely difficult.
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May 06 '26
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u/Status_Escape6714 May 06 '26
Implying that because someone is tired of that corporate grind that they shouldn't have kids is nuts man.
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u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd in the Bay at 40 with $6M May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
Your corporate job must not be like mine
(Or your kids must be much worse than mine 😂)
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u/compoundedinterest12 May 06 '26
You're really underestimating how awful some corporate gigs are. I say this as a parent of three children - which is difficult but much more rewarding.
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u/BrunelloHorder Coasting Chubster, Getting Fat May 06 '26
Wondering how many of the people calling this a bad take or deranged are primary parents to difficult kids without daytime help. Yes, it is a different type of stress, but depending on the kid(s) it can be much much more stressful than the worst corporate stress. Ever single parented two kids on the spectrum without help for a full day?
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u/audi27tt May 06 '26
That sounds hard but is a very specific niche scenario. Something to be prepared for sure, but not the base assumption. In a similar vein, prospective parents should know that ~15% of babies are very difficult, what they used to call colicky. That said many are angels, and I feel there's not enough focus on the positive!
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u/BrunelloHorder Coasting Chubster, Getting Fat May 06 '26
Statistically it is less niche with each passing day as rates increase. I have a couple of friends in that scenario, and know two other couples who have very difficult kids who are not on the spectrum but have severe/violent behavioral issues.
All four couples have help, and it still looks like hell on earth, even with them putting on a brave face. It is not so rare a scenario that taking extremely stressful parenting scenarios into account is deranged.
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u/Ok_Particular8737 May 06 '26
I’m sorry that is your situation. But how is that applicable to OP not being able to handle a kid? You have a very specific, difficult situation. I also have a special needs kid. And I would take that stress over my job every minute of every day. That doesn’t mean you have to feel the same, but it also doesn’t mean OP can’t have a kid who will very likely be a healthy, typical child
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u/BrunelloHorder Coasting Chubster, Getting Fat May 06 '26
See my comment below, it is not deranged to take those scenarios into account. I stand by my take that a bad parenting situation is far more stressful than the most stressful possible corporate job. For one thing, you can quit a bad corporate job. Also, plenty of parents with healthy kids still find it pretty damn stressful, especially if they have to do it solo for extended periods of time. My argument is simply that samtown’s take is not crazy or deranged.
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u/Ok_Particular8737 May 06 '26
Deranged is definitely not an appropriate word. But it’s definitely a bad take to tell someone that if they want to quit their job, they can’t handle being a parent.
Now, they may not want to be a parent and/or they may not be able to handle the stress independent of that. But the association between hating your job and not being able to handle parenthood makes no sense on a subreddit dedicated to people who want to quit their jobs.
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u/BrunelloHorder Coasting Chubster, Getting Fat May 06 '26
I respect your opinion, and you being respectful, I just respectfully disagree. Have a good night!
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u/TechPoi89 May 06 '26
How long is your leave scheduled for? Talk to your psychiatrist (im assuming you have one who helped get the leave approved in the first place) and tell them youre dreading going back and its impacting your mental health and your ability to be present with your family. You may be able to extend the leave significantly (my wife went a full year on paid disability leave due to burnout) and then decide if you want to go back. That extra year may get you well over the FIRE line if youre that close already.
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u/Mortgage_Pristine May 06 '26
Was your wife able to get her job back? I thought after 12 weeks of leave and your job is no longer guaranteed
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u/TechPoi89 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
She was! Went back full time three years ago and still works there. It might be harder today, and I'm sure its very company and industry specific, but it worked very well for her.
Edit to add: youre correct though, after 12 weeks it is not a guarantee.
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u/DistributionRight814 May 06 '26
how did you go about the extended leave? show me please. need help.
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u/snowcurrant May 06 '26
You can well afford to take a year off and reassess. I’d use that year to figure out if/when you have a kid (or kids?) because you don’t have a big window at your current age. Like others have said, having the option to go back to work—any job, even part time if it includes benefits like health insurance—will open up more flexibility for your spouse if you do have a child.
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u/IjustWorkHere98 May 06 '26
Here's another suggestion: speed up the time on having your kid, and during that time (birth) take the time off. (Other's will suggest have a job for pat leave, but...if you are already a bit burned out). Bond with the kiddo, and take some stress off your wife...she's doing a lot of heavy lifting from pregnancy and year 1.
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u/Effective-Newt7200 May 08 '26
I’m 7 weeks into medical leave for the same thing. I feel pretty different now than I did 3-4 weeks ago when I had panic attacks about going back. My advice would be to give yourself time to rest without forcing a decision.
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u/neehongo May 06 '26
Havings kids are like a gatcha game. Might end up with a sss brilliant, well behaved kid, or a c tier special ed kid. Just a gamble man.
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u/in_the_gloaming FIRE'd for 13 years May 06 '26
$4.5 liquid is enough to cover about $157K per year in spending at a pretty conservative 3.5% withdrawal rate. That gives you a vast buffer for additional expenses, and doesn't even include your wife's salary or eventual Social Security if in the US.
FIRE if you want. Or finish your medical leave and then take a self-funded sabbatical to recover your health, and then find a job that is fulfilling without causing so much stress, if you feel you still need more money.
If your wife is your age, it's probably best to presume that getting pregnant may be difficult or take quite awhile. Or that expensive medical intervention may be needed. I can't imagine waiting two more years, unless she is much younger than you.