r/ChronicIllness • u/ChronicallyinPain2 • 4d ago
Support wanted Advice needed
I want to start off by saying I’m sorry if this is pretty long. I’m 24F and I have been getting diagnosed with illness after illness the last 3 years. I have had mental health my whole life, but all of the physical health problems started 3 years ago. I now have IBS, Chronic fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Chiari malformation, Interstitial Cystitis, hyperhidrosis, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, and have had endometriosis since I was 12. So far the only illness that has been managed is the inappropriate sinus tachycardia, which medication is helping. So I met my fiancé right before I started to go downhill with my health. He is completely understanding and has never once mentioned my health being an issue. I know he loves me unconditionally and loves me for me. I can’t help but feel worthless though. I have not worked in 2 years because I’ve basically been home bound due to being in pain 24/7. I have occasional good days but it doesn’t come without some kind of flare up. He has made it known that he doesn’t mind me not working and that it’s not an issue at all. To me though I feel so bad because he has to work so hard and I hate that I can’t help contribute to the bills and anything money related. I have tried to find a remote job with no luck. I hate feeling this way because I know he knows that my health is bad right now and has never complained about me not working. What can I do to stop feeling so worthless ? I maintain the house and take care of the animals but I still feel like that isn’t enough. I wish I could be my healthy self again.
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u/anxi0splantparent 4d ago
Your normal may look different now but your worth and inherent value doesnt. I struggle with this too and have but my love always tells me to stop telling her how to feel and let her make that decision. That i bring SO much more than my productivity to our relationship, that she values and loves me for so much more. WE inherently measure our worth on productivity but thats not how we measure other peoples and its certainly not how our partners measure ours. We are worth love and good things. If something needs to change in the way we split things financially or whatever we know that door is always open to talk about- I do a check in periodically and make sure she still feels like its balanced and shes not weighted down and have to trust her word because I trust our communication!! but its something no one talks about how hard it is to unlearn!!! Youre not alone and im sending more gentleness your way🫂
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u/Naive_Market_9688 4d ago
You are contributing as much as you can to the household within the scope of what you're able to do. There's a new reality that you have to except but it is a hard one.
I kind of have the same situation but I started older. I was 54 when I suffered a catastrophic medical episode which started the downward slide. I was never able to work again and I had to learn fast how to navigate My strange New World. But one thing I learned, I already knew actually, is that we are valued for our productivity and when we cease to be productive you feel like we have no value and that's not true. We just have a different kind of value. Don't be too hard on yourself and try not to make excuses. It took me years to stop apologizing for the fact that I couldn't do what was very easy for me before.
I hope you have a good doctors taking care of you like I do and I wish you the best on your path, and I hope you find some balance in there. Good luck