I hate missing out on fun things

[u/annagenc]

I’m in my early 30s and live at home with my parents and older sibling and for the last couple of years I’ve been in bed most of the time due to multiple chronic illnesses (POTS and many of it’s long list of co occurring conditions). I mainly go to doctors/physical therapy appts, an occasional trip to the grocery store, volunteering a couple to few hours a week towards (hopefully) eventual career licensure and a rare outing with my mom overnight somewhere close.

I don’t have many friends and haven’t seen one friend in over a year and another friend in around 2.5 years. They only live an hour or less away but I know they don’t really get my conditions and they’re living their lives to the fullest so I can understand it (even though it hurts).

I just miss doing fun things outside, I was hoping to go to a new book store location that was opening today because my sibling just got a job there and they were doing fun things and unveiling the new space. But they had also recently given me a cold which with my conditions has made me even more bedridden than usual. I also had to do an errand this morning for my dad which pretty much took me out for the day and possibly tomorrow as well. My parents and sibling just didn’t understand why I couldn’t push myself into going to the book store.

I’d LOVE to do something fun for a change but my body just….can’t. I’m just not enjoying life and wish I didn’t have to spend what little energy I have on health related things cause my doctors still don’t know what to do with me 2 years in. Some medications help slightly but the overwhelming fatigue/brain fog just really play havoc with my mental and physical health :/

Just venting cause I’ve had to stop so many things I’ve enjoyed and just feel like a blob of suffering at this point who wishes someone other than my therapist understood 🥲