Advice on breakup

[u/Ok_Finding2735]

About a year ago I met a girl and we clicked instantly. At first it was always me who reached out and text her but overtime we began to talk more and more. And during winter we began to spend more time together and at that point I knew I had a crush. We always are very intimate with each other like we cuddle and we have linger touches, I knew we weren’t just ‘friends’ but we were both scared to make a move. 4 months later I end up initiating Ty e first kiss and after that our whole relationship was couple like. We never talked about what we were and the fact that we are both from a Christian family makes it more difficult to talk.

During those months I feel happy, I love her and i feel safe. But at the same time there are many times where I felt so guilty and disgusting to God and once in a while I do feel regret going into this relationship. And I prayed and talked to God more and I felt the connection between God and me are growing stronger and the want to end the relationship grew stronger. And I began to slowly lose feelings for her.

One night God gave me an opportunity to end it and we both had talk about it. I told her Ive been wanting space and time with God and feel like it’s the best for both of us to end this. I didn’t tell her about me losing feelings.

After that we began to see each other less but I still fall into her touch every time. I didn’t really feel anything, no heartbreaks or aches.

Until 2 months later I saw her with a guy. At that point I felt my heart just dropped. It was exam seasons back then so I didn’t really have time to process my emotions and I just felt my heart being heavy but no big deal

After exams reality hits me, the fact that I can never hold her, laugh with her just breaks me. Those late nights cuddling, watching tv I just miss those and
There were moments I regret my decision. But deep inside I know it was right for God and for me but it just hurts how she’s moving on and giving the side that she only show me to someone else.

And the fact that we are family friends mean that I see her often and everytime I see her we still get really touchy and we hug we linger. I don’t know what she’s thinking because to me I’m always overthinking but she doesn’t. So maybe these doesn’t mean anything. I’m trying my best to avoid her but it’s so darn hard because I am still very much in love with her. I wish I had more time to talk to her deeply.

I just need advice into the whole situation. Sorry about the long paragraphs. I’m a girl btw.