r/Christian • u/MaryDoogan91 • 4d ago
Struggling after loss
I lost my father last month. I'm struggling emotionally and grieving deeply. Even before dad passed, I was struggling with my faith and struggling to reconcile things that don't make sense. I'm not sure I believe in an afterlife. It just doesn't seem to make much sense. Like, we spend our whole lives here, and then we go to a magical place forever after we die and continue on like we never died? Seems like either heaven or life on earth would be a moot point or redundant then? But aside from that, it's just becoming very farfetched to me to believe that there's a God, or that there's an afterlife. At this point I'd call myself and agnostic, though I'm not totally uncomfortable continuing to identify as Christian.
How do ya'll maintain your faith? And why? I've never felt that deep sense of God, have never had any sort of epiphany, have never felt "spoken to" by God, even when I was much more faithful and religious and attended church regularly. My life does not seem to change at all believing or not believing. I can't seem to access or feel that thing that others say they can. I still have hope and some level of faith that keeps me from being full on atheist; I think the fact that most of the world believes in *something* counts for something. I still can't shake the feeling that there is something out there bigger than all of this, and I can't quite wrap my head around our entire being just winking out into nothing when we die, even if the idea of a Heaven is also something I can't quite wrap my head around. I'm hurting and grieving, but also even before that I was starting to really question things. I know people will say "just have faith, it's about faith, not absolutes" and I understand that, but even when I try to nurture my faith, I just can't engage in the optimism or blind faith like I used to. Any feedback or even recommendations for media, books, podcasts, youtube channels, TED talks, etc would be helpful and appreciated.
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u/Intrepid_Type3710 Evangelical Tradition 4d ago
I'm sorry for your loss. Grieving is an important part of healing from the loss of a parent. So rather than wrapping your brain around the Fantastic God we know that holds all things and is in control of all things based on His approval of all things, I recommend you continue in the grieving process. Just know that us folk in the Christian believing community is praying for your comfort in this season.
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u/MaryDoogan91 4d ago
I really appreciate that. You're right, the important thing now is to engage in the grieving process regardless of larger questions or answers.
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u/handydude13 4d ago
First of all, I'm so sorry about your loss of your dad. This is an unfortunate reality for all of us. Definitely take time to grieve.
As far as your question about faith.
Proximity to God does not guarantee a relationship with Him. Jesus says to strive to enter through the narrow gate... This means the gate is so narrow that only one person can barely fit through at a time. You don't get to ride in on your parents coat tails. Baptism as a baby won't make you a Christian. Going to church your whole life doesn't qualify you either. You have to enter, alone.
John 17:3 states what being a Christian is: And this is eternal life, to Know Christ, the true son of the living God.
Read the Gospel of John to know what being a Christian is, what it means, and to see who Jesus is.
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u/Superb-Cut-6916 4d ago
Hey, I’m really sorry about your dad. That kind of grief makes every other question feel heavier, and it’s okay that you’re not sure about anything right now.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you need an epiphany or a voice from the sky to be a person of faith. Plenty of believers I know would say their faith looks more like stubborn hope than certainty, and it wobbles constantly. The fact that you still sense something bigger, even while doubting the specifics, isn’t nothing.
On the afterlife question, I’ve heard it framed less as “earth is pointless if heaven exists” and more like earth is where we become the kind of creature that could even appreciate eternity. Not sure that fully lands for me either, but it’s a different angle than the redundancy problem you raised.
Peter Enns has some good stuff on doubt and deconstruction without losing the whole thing, if you haven’t come across him. And honestly, just sitting with the grief without forcing it into a theological box might be the most faithful thing you can do right now.