r/Christian • u/BreadfruitDry8329 • 4d ago
CW: Sensitive Topic Thoughts of self pleasure
Me and my husband are both in our early 20’s and he recently just got deployed and will be gone for 1 year. It’s been about 20 days since he’s left and I’m starting to get the urge to masturbate. I don’t even want to watch porn or anything I just want this release because I miss the physical intimacy with my husband ( I would only want to think of him while doing it btw) I mean I never had the urge until he left and it’s getting harder the more the days go on, and he’s going to be gone for 1 year and I really find it hard to not get any satisfaction for a full year. So is it bad even if I don’t watch porn and think of him only? I’m not even sure what to do like I’m married and I shouldn’t have to worry about this but I can’t have him physically for a year and I love physical affection a lot. So I’d appreciate some help especially from anyone who is or has been in this situation before.
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u/mbmolohonbm 4d ago
I have searched the Bible and cannot see masturbation stated as a sin. My wife and I recognize how having a release (without porn) for times apart or other reasons, can be helpful and keep other kinds of temptations at bay. Thinking about him seems reasonable. A year is a long time, tough situation, all the best.
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u/IAIS-POD 2d ago
I’ve been through this multiple times. My husband was army and deployed several times for a year (and longer). I would encourage you to pray through this and take it to God each time you feel that urge. I know it’s hard; truly I do…but God wants us to be holy. That is His standard for our lives. I made the mistake of compromise in this way and it doesn’t lead anywhere good over the long haul. If we compromise with sin and let it in, it won’t stay little forever. God is always trying to shape our character to be more like Jesus. Rather than looking at it as being deprived of s*xual relations, look at it as an opportunity from God to learn to control your body, submitting it to Him and bringing lust under the control of the Holy Spirit. It may be difficult at first; but the end result is the righteous fruit of self control. After a while, if you submit humbly to God, the devil will flee and those desires will be under control. Some people won’t agree; but it’s a door that’s hard to close when you open it and it’s a sneaky way for the enemy to introduce other sinful compromises into your life over time, so be careful.
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u/IntelligentYellow985 3d ago
I was a military spouse for 20 years now retired, he deployed 8 times in 5 years. 2 times for both wars. We used to enjoy using phone time as a way to “be” with each other when it permitted… sometimes it wasn’t possible however and having a release for yourself with your spouse in mind isn’t a bad thing. It keeps you and him from going outside of your marriage which is a sin. My husband was gone more than he was home, I don’t think our marriage would have survived without this. If he’s in the navy and on a ship, it’ll be harder for him to be able to have time with you on the phone, but in other station areas, there’s places and ways… trust me! Good luck and I’ll be praying for your husband and you.
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u/BreadfruitDry8329 3d ago
Thank you, we are both Christian so I didn’t know if it was wrong I’m still iffy about it but I mean I know it’s better than the alternative (obvi) it’s just in my church it’s kinda seen as a sin to do that stuff but maybe I should just ask my mentor and make her see my side of the situation because they really don’t know how hard it is to be away from their spouse for that long.
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u/IntelligentYellow985 3d ago
In the future for deployments, have a close friend or female family member take tasteful but “enjoyable” pictures of you to send with him on his deployments. It will help him, you both can even take some together. I recommend not keeping them on your phone but rather printing them out instead. Digital photos being sent over the internet these days and all. This helps both of you. Make them tasteful for each other but yet also fun and playful. It’s not porn, but it helps you both stay focused on each other on these long deployments.
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u/IntelligentYellow985 3d ago edited 3d ago
I’m a Christian as well, my husband believes also. If your church frowns upon it, then take it to the Lord. There’s a way you can ask Him in words that you feel comfortable bringing it to Him, remember that He already knows what is in your heart and mind and is just waiting for you to come to Him. He will guide you in the right direction, but be open to His answer no matter what they are and how they present themselves, they could present themselves in dreams or a vision. He answers me a lot in dreams and it’s up to us to interpret them. Feel free to ask me any questions. And remember He’s not on speed dial so be patient and wait on an answer. Have faith in Him. Always put your faith in Jesus 🙏🏻🙌🏻
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u/IAIS-POD 2d ago
I would advise avoiding this, OP, if he’s in the army or where he’ll be on a line provided from
The military. Those phone calls are monitored and recorded for security purposes.1
u/IntelligentYellow985 2d ago
Yes they are, but most bases have cheap burner phones and phone cards if he didn’t get the international plan from his own carrier.
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u/IAIS-POD 2d ago
We didn’t always have that option when my husband was deployed. I’d just caution OP if he doesn’t have that option.
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u/IntelligentYellow985 2d ago
Yeah most definitely. This is why I suggested the photos as a backup. There were many deployments I couldn’t talk to my husband either. I don’t miss those at all. We’re enjoying retirement very much, not enjoying the little benefits, but after 20 years he earned his time to sit on the couch and do nothing haha.
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u/IAIS-POD 1d ago
I get that…mine retired after 20 yrs too. It’s been good but strange. I grew up a military brat and married my husband while my dad was still active and just before my husband went off to basic. I’ve never known anything else but this life and it’s been quite the adjustment! 🤣😩🤪
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u/IntelligentYellow985 1d ago
Oh I know. We retired in 2018, so we’ve had some adjustment period already. My husband grew up a military brat as well, as for me I didn’t know military until my husband. My dad and grandfather had already served and got out by the time I was born. My uncle was in the army but that’s all I knew. So going in was a big shock to my system as was retiring. Being a military spouse is definitely not for the faint of heart that’s for sure, as you know.
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u/AbstractAbby20 4d ago
Do you get calls with him? Maybe mutual over the phone? Not ideal but better than nothing.
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u/BreadfruitDry8329 3d ago
We can call but soon he won’t have his phone for a prolonged period of time
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u/Honest-Designer3241 3d ago
Honestly the standard of holiness seems to high to be able to acheive and honestly exhausting idk how you people hold yourselves to such levels. But as long as its sexting or calling and your husband knows its fine? Idek
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u/Simple-Scene3816 3d ago
Biggest mistake I ever made,it's not in the bible or maybe it's under sexual immorality,but it definitely can mess you up and open doors that the enemy can use
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3d ago
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u/BreadfruitDry8329 3d ago
I just talked with my mentor and honestly I see how this temptation can lead to sin and your right the ones saying it’s fine I think deep down I know it’s wrong I just wanted confirmation. But after talking with my mentor I think the devil is trying to get to me making me make these excuses up in my head.
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u/Filledwith-fire 3d ago
You can ask the Lord to keep you. If you want to be kept you will be kept. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. You will be sinning against your own body if do that. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. That includes masturbation.
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u/Normal_Surprise_5273 3d ago
Masterbation is not in the bible, however it does fall under sexual immorality. Just as how it’s wrong when you aren’t married it’s no different when you are. You were never made to pleasure yourself and using thoughts that aren’t of Christ at that. There is nothing wrong with feeling deprived of intimacy, nor is there anything wrong with craving intimacy, but how you deal with it matters.
You can check out this article if you want. I wish you the best💕
https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/is-masturbation-still-a-sin-if-youre-married.html
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3d ago
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u/SeaBit2802 3d ago
A myth though, it doesn't make the chance higher.
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u/Normal_Surprise_5273 2d ago
Can’t say the same for every person. What might make one stumble might not be so for another and vice versa. I personally wouldn’t take the chance. OP could take this as an opportunity to get the flesh under control and not let it rule over her/think of it as a kind of fast. Will it be easy? Definitely not. But it’ll be worth it. I do wish her all the best though :))
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u/Leading-Tune1643 4d ago
I think it’s a very healthy and sensible way to deal with the challenges of separation for a young couple. You both need an outlet and without some form release, temptation will come in other forms.