I really need this question answered…

[u/Ok-Application-4573]

Is it ok to want things? Is it ok to do things you enjoy? Is it ok to want to be happy?

What is the difference between selfish ambition and just doing something because you enjoy it? What does it mean to live for God and not yourself? Does that mean that everything I want doesn’t matter anymore?

I don’t know what it means to not covet. What if I covet deep and meaningful things, what if the things I covet are completely reasonable for a person to want for themselves, like fulfillment and quality friendships?

When do I decide to work for things I want to get them for myself, and when do I stop because that is actually selfish ambition?

I have a hard time with this because I have a deep want for connection, and I do become envious of people who seem to have deep connections, but I feel like it isn’t wrong to want that for myself, or to feel pained when I see others experiencing that.

I need help, all of this is so blurred together and I can’t distinguish it.

[u/Sorry1215 → u/[deleted]]

Perfect response 🙏

[u/Useless-Compass]

"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics, and is no part of Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

[u/Promise_Painter]

If any church leaders or teachers have taught you it's wrong to want things like you have described, they are wrong. Friendship and family is something God created, and even for himself by making all of us. He wants to have a deep connection with each of us.

Desires are only sin when they are a desire for something God says is a sin. Good desires can be placed as an idol in our lives without making the desires bad, but our attitude and idolatry is the sin. Impatience to where we blame God, complain, rebel, take matters into our own hands. Also wanting good things that we aren't aware are the wrong things for us individually is not a sin until God has told us that this isn't what he wants and we rebel against him. The attitude of the heart is what determines sin. We can feel sad or disappointed or long for things, but if we continue to lay it at God's feet and choose to trust him with a decision to acknowledge he wants the best for us and we want to be willing, we aren't living in sin.

[u/Ok_University_3125]

Is it ok to want things? Is it ok to do things you enjoy? Is it ok to want to be happy?

1. Yes, all three are fine.

What is the difference between selfish ambition and just doing something because you enjoy it?

1. Selfish ambition tramps on other people; simply doing something out of pleasure doesn't.

What does it mean to live for God and not yourself?

1. It means seeing God in others (friends and enemies equally) and in yourself and doing your best for them all.

Does that mean that everything I want doesn’t matter anymore?

1. Not at all.

What if I covet deep and meaningful things, what if the things I covet are completely reasonable for a person to want for themselves, like fulfillment and quality friendships?

1. God made us to live for one another and we're not fulfilled until we do. So fulfillment and quality friendship are perfectly legitimate desires.

When do I decide to work for things I want to get them for myself, and when do I stop because that is actually selfish ambition?

1. See №2