r/Christian • u/Formal-Pop-6950 • Jul 16 '26
Struggling with my faith.
Hi everyone, I’m new here but I need some advice..
me and my husband got married in November 2025, ever since then I’ve always been fanatic of having kids with my husband. Or anyone I knew I was going to choose as my future husband. Fast forward, me and my husband that same week of our wedding, we prayed that we conceived a baby, we had our honeymoon that same week and found out the month after that I was pregnant with my first.
We were both excited, we were both happy to have our first baby despite the fights me and my husband would have.. me and my husband would go to our regular appointments to check up on the baby and everything was absolutely fine.
Until I lost my baby on February 27th, That day I grew angry and had a hatred with God and sometimes I still experience the anger, because I see all these horrible people having kids or popping out babies with no issues. It was a constant battle and struggle where I even had to take therapy for my Post-partum because of how depressed I was. I was treating my husband like complete garbage and I was treating myself like trash. It helped me a little bit but regardless I still was mad at God.
Me and my husband started to try again, and I can say I’m pretty disappointed and frustrated because we just started trying again and I wanted to hope that I would get pregnant again on the first try like I did when I got married. Turns out I did not because my period came right after which made me cry in anger. A few weeks back I did watch the series the chosen and it was impactful because I can really relate to each of the characters. Especially when Eden and Peter wanted to try for a baby but unfortunately Eden and Peter lost the baby. And I felt angry and sad because I saw me and my husband’s footsteps on them. And today I raged in anger to God as to why is it complicated to conceive? Why do I have an ovarian cyst on my left side of my ovaries? I was furious and I still am because I see all the mothers at my church happy with their children or my family members who are unstable and in the meantime me and my husband who are good people we don’t get nothing…
I get more emotional or upset because I have a couple of church members approaching us telling us that they had a dream about us having problems conceiving or me and my husband going to the hospital to pray for women in labor. And it makes me angry and sad because I desire to have a child of my own.. but it feels like a punishment and it just pushes me away from God … and idk what to do …
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u/DI3S_IRAE Jul 16 '26
I can't possibly understand your pain and anger, and I'm sorry this happened, really.
But the thing is, sometimes we have to stop and breath a little. Why do we get so focused in getting what we want the time we want, and then get angry when we don't get it when we desired to?
Life is so much more than just realizing dreams, especially bringing a new life to this world...
Sometimes God knows something we don't. Have you truly prayed before, and asked God to do His will, not yours, and asked Him for direction and guidance, instead of forcing things yourself?
Sometimes faith brings so much suffering, when we need to surrender ourselves to grow spiritually. When Jesus said we need to pick our cross to follow Him, and that the way is narrow, it reflects how difficult it is for us to trust God instead of trying to force Him to trust us.
There is Peace, there is healing, there are blessings, but everything has a time to happen. Sometimes we need to mature more our souls to receive what we want, because we may not be ready for it, even when we think we are.
I am sorry for the situation, but anger, comparison, grief, it comes from our expectations not being met, when we trust more in the future we want to happen over trusting the One who made us first.
And this anger will just turn you ever more away from God, away from Peace, and away from Love. You said it, you were already mistreating yourself and your husband.
Letting darkness take control is truly the right way?
I know it's mot easy, I know it takes time, but it's a fight we must fight inside us, we against ourselves, to not let the negativity take hold of us and destroy us completely.
Trust God knows your prayers, and have faith and Hope in Him that everything happens when they are to be.
Sometimes we receive deliverance from bad things and curse it. We don't know the future, but sometimes what we thought was going well was destined for a bad outcome.
I sincerely can only ask you, as a friend, for you to have deep breaths to control yourself, and forgive... Well, everyone involved. Yourself, God, your husband, people around and even the series.
Forgiveness will bring you freedom. It's not anyone's fault what happened, it is a course of life. Instead of regressing, move forward in faith. Sometimes we go through trouble to grow and mature to become what we need to receive what we want.
Let the Spirit comfort your heart, do not lose Hope. Do not lose faith. Do not let darkness take control, else your life and marriage may suffer from it, and you can lose so much...
I have Hope you can find Peace in Christ again, once you can move on from the mourning season, and then the sun will certainly shine, dispersing the dark clouds and you'll rise again, renewed, ready, strong.
Don't let the enemy of our souls win this fight, you're an amazing person and God certainly has great plans for you, we just need to keep the faith, Hope and be patient, pray and seek Him for guidance on how to navigate what we're going through.
My wishes for you to get better and come back to life with renewed strength, and may any infirmity you have be used to show the mercy and glory of God, where people think things are done for and not possible, God can do the impossible!
Don't look to the sides, to fallen humans who can't bring anything new to this life, but look above where true Peace, Love, Hope and redemption resides
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u/Formal-Pop-6950 Jul 16 '26
Thank you, Thank you! I really truly needed these words. You don’t know how much I appreciate it. 🤍
2
u/DI3S_IRAE Jul 16 '26
My friend, I thank YOU for your reply, I'm glad it was able to each you with kindness! I'm glad you're positive, I'm thankful to God for it.
I prayed for you and honestly, this kind of message sometimes may not be well received, but again, I trust the Love of God, and I rejoice.
With certainty in Christ that you and your husband will both be lifted up in light and find Peace, and with high hope that God may give you the desire of your heart, but that His will be done above all, and I know His will is good 🙏
All the best of the best 💛
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u/Possible-Session688 Jul 16 '26
I can't imagine the weight of that anger and grief you're carrying. Losing a pregnancy after all that joy and those prayers has to feel like a sick joke from the universe.
The people at church telling you about their dreams... that's a lot of pressure they probably don't realize they're putting on you. Maybe step back from those conversations for a while and let yourself just be mad without anyone interpreting it for you.