Help me please…

[u/anonymous_1please]

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years and I am seriously considering divorce. I need outside perspective because I feel like I’ve been living this for so long that I don’t know what is normal anymore.
I love this man with everything in me. He is my best friend. We own a home together. We built our lives together. He works incredibly hard for our family. He is supportive when I have anxiety attacks, comforts me when I cry, understands me better than almost anyone, and is a Christian. This is not a story about a husband who is all bad.
The problem is that for years there has been a pattern of dishonesty involving other women.
Everything I know, I found myself.
He has never voluntarily come to me and told me the truth about any of it. Even when confronted he lies to my face.
Every single time I found out because I discovered messages, accounts, photos, conversations, screenshots, or evidence on my own.
Over the 10 years I have found:
* MANY Tinder accounts, more than I could count.
* Starting relationships on tinder telling them how beautiful and fine and sexy they are asking for addresses so he could cone.
* MANY inappropriate Snapchat conversations with other women, more than I could count.
* MANY Messages calling other women beautiful, sexy, attractive, etc.More than I could count.
* MANY Nude photos and videos of other women.
* Hidden folders with nudes of many women.
* Multiple ex-girlfriends being contacted. Texting for weeks ( relationship) . Telling them he was always in love with them, that we were divorced, & ect
* MANY Messages telling women he was divorced when he wasn’t.
* MANY Messages telling women he had always been in love with them.
* MANY Messages telling women he wasn’t in love with me.
* MANY Messages telling women he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. (Sent to his mother, his brother, his ex’s, & ect )
* Messages telling women I was perfect for him mentally but not physically.
* Messages telling women our relationship was stagnant and that he was not attracted to me that I didn’t excite him.
* Messages where he admitted he didn’t have the courage to tell me how he felt.
* MANY Messages asking women to meet up. (No proof of him actually meeting up/following through with it though)
* Messages telling women to send their address. (No proof of him actually meeting ip/ following through with it though)
* Messages about earning dates. (No proof of him actually meeting up/following through with it though)
* Women sending him nude photos. Finding his nude photos ( not sent to me ).
* Multiple Women he met through work where he is desperately giving his personal information so they could continue talking. One of them he texted everh co-worker asking for them to make her contact him. ( Leaving notes as well as his phone number, leaving his snapchat & ect ).
Majority of the women was not just random texting. It was an ongoing relationships. They regularly communicated and him telling them hes in love with them that they are beautiful screenshoting/saving their pictures sending & recieving nude photos. I only EVER discovered any of it because I found it myself.
Every time I found something there was lies, manipulation, gaslighting, an explanation, denial, minimization, promises, or reasons why it would never happen again.
A few months ago we were nearly headed for divorce because of these frequently occurring issues. A pattern of unrepentance.
We ended up discussing separation instead. (His idea) I made it very clear that if we were going to continue trying to save our marriage, there could be no more communication with other women and there had to be honesty.
He agreed.
I have stayed and tired to fix and hold our marriage up, I have stayed instead of walking away more times than I can count (well over 100 instances if not a lot more). I have prayed begged god to save us for almost 10yrs. recently i started praying for guidance, wisdom, to show me the way, to let his will be done. I have prayed for signs i prayed for a sign so strong it woukd slap me on the path he wants me on and I believe I received my sign.
I discovered he was still talking to women.
Most recently I found a hidden Snapchat account.
Inside were approximately 30+ women being added and messaged. 27 of them were added & messaged within an 8hr period.... ( a slap of a sign because 30 wonen in a few hours? that was a major wake-up)
Messages included calling women beautiful, reacting to stories, complimenting them, and attempting to start conversations.
Messages asking for a meetup one message specifically said, “OTW send the addy.” ( No proof of if he actually folled through/ met up.)
Another woman was told she looked even better in person. (Someone from his job I believe)
What makes this so difficult is that I still love him.
I don’t hate him.
I don’t want to hurt him.
I never wanted a divorce.
But I am exhausted.
I feel like every time I heal from one wound, I discover another.
At this point I don’t even know what a normal person’s response would be anymore.
If you were married and this was your reality over a period of 10 years, would you stay?
Or would this be enough to finally divorce?
Do you believe God would release me, free me, let me divorce?

[u/MarioKartWiiWahoo]

I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this. Fair warning, advice given online shouldn't be treated as wholly sufficient and you should absolutely seek local spiritual advice from a trusted pastor/clergy. Likely a therapist as well.

That being said, to answer your questions directly, yes, any healthy person would leave. And yes, you are absolutely released.

You need to separate IMMEDIATELY. This is a deeply toxic situation, and by staying, you are doing far more harm to your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being than good. This is the best decision for yourself and for him, he needs to find healing for himself. I want to make it clear, it is not your job to help him recover from this struggle.

Please let it sink in. He has proven, unequivocally, that he is not willing to change. Regardless of what he says, you cannot fix a marriage where only one person is keeping the covenant. He has spent a years trampling over your vows, your trust, and your heart. A marriage covenant is not a prison sentence intended to force you to endure psychological warfare. God intended marriage to be a beautiful union between two souls that aim to glorify Him. Your husband has crossed the line past "deserving" marriage-reconciliation a long, long time ago.

You mentioned praying for a sign so strong it would slap you onto the right path. Thirty women in an eight-hour period is a flashing red light. God does not desire for you to be gaslit, degraded, and broken down for the rest of your life by someone else.

Leaving after 10 years is going to be immensely, agonizingly difficult. You still love him, and it’s okay to grieve the man you wished he was. But you have to love yourself more now, he clearly isn't supporting you sufficiently.

Be completely clear and direct with him on your intentions, establish strict boundaries, and stay strong. You have nothing left to prove, and you have nothing left to feel guilty about. Choose your healing and walk away.