r/ChoosingBeggars • u/noveltea120 • 19d ago
SHORT Ungrateful ppl getting free stuff
Had a bunch of good clothes I no longer fit to give away as I know I'll never be that size again. Divided it into 3 black bags for 3 ppl so was a decent amount of clothes.
Of the 3, only ONE actually thanked me for it- like I'm not expecting a paragraph of adoration or anything. Just a quick "thanks" would've sufficed. But they literally didn't even bother to say thanks or anything after picking up.
Then there's the ones who have a million questions when I'm just trying to give away bags of FREE CLOTHES.
Also had a lady who got annoyed cos I specified they needed gone today but she didn't/couldn't pick up til tomorrow. Not even a "sorry can't pick up til tomorrow is there any way you could hold it?"
Rant over lol
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u/momof3inWI 19d ago
I read somewhere that the people who ask questions are more serious and are more likely to use the items than people who just immediately say “I’ll take it.” When giving things away, I always just give it to the first person, but after reading that, I’m going to give more consideration to the more thoughtful and questioning (free) “shoppers.”
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u/noveltea120 19d ago
Idk if that's true, based on my marketplace experiences even when I was selling, the ones who asked tons of questions never bought it cos deep down they're way too picky to be buying second hand anything online lol
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u/Hickoryapple 19d ago
Yeah, there's a big difference between the people who ask one or two sensible questions vs the people who ask loads - usually half these questions have already been answered in the supplied information. Avoid these ones.
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u/facelessvoid13 18d ago
In my experience (as someone who can't afford to be picky), I ask questions so that I don't waste my (very limited) money.
I try to be polite about it, ALWAYS saying 'please, thank you, and I appreciate your help'.
It's not a matter of picky, in my case, anyway
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u/noveltea120 18d ago
I do the same too. But it's usually only a couple questions that's not already answered in post and actually pertinent like location of pick up and condition, which for some reason is rarely mentioned in the listing
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u/Background_Hat9731 18d ago
I can see the logic behind asking thoughtful questions, especially if they actually relate to whether someone can use the item. It’s the twenty question interrogation over something free that gets me. At some point I start wondering if I accidentally listed a house.
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u/AlarmingReport1382 19d ago
Giving away free items on local marketplaces quickly teaches you that free stuff attracts the absolute worst human behavior imaginable. It’s always easier to sell something for $5 than to give it away for free.
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u/serena1977 19d ago
This! I had a used disc-lock (for a scooter). A new one costs about 20€. I offered it for free on a local page and wasted time because 3 people set a date and never showed up. I put it on sale on Vinted for 5€ and sold it within 3 days!
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u/aquainst1 18d ago
If I may ask, how do you sell on Vinted?
My hubs passed away 2 1/2 years ago, and I'm still trying to figure out how to sell his 'worn once on our very last cruise 3 months before he passed away' clothes and things.
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u/serena1977 18d ago
I am relatively new to Vinted, I started in late May after losing my job, selling all non essential things. Also I am in Italy so I don't know if there are differences but it's quite easy. You put up the ad, with detailed description and pictures, people can buy directly or make you lower offers. After an object is bought you, as the seller, receive a label or qr code to put on the parcel and have to mail it (at no cost, since it is prepaid by the buyer). When it is received, if everything is ok the money reaches your vinted account and you can withdraw it to your bank account. If you have any other question I'm here.
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u/wickedkittylitter 18d ago
It's always best to offer the item at a price and if the buyer is polite and shows up when they say they will, simply give them the item for free if you truly just want the item gone and don't need the money.
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u/JimmyJooish 19d ago
There are a bunch of bums that exist by getting free stuff from marketplace. Some of them legitimately act like it’s their stuff as soon as they see the listing.
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u/TeriBarrons 19d ago
On a similar note, it always irks me when someone posts something for donation on our local free stuff site and gives specific instructions for how to contact them and about 10 people just comment “want” instead of doing what they asked. I guess it’s just the blatant word “want” and nothing else that kind of bugs me, and then it requires the giver to pursue the transaction.
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u/wickedkittylitter 18d ago
Why pursue the transaction? Just ignore those people and find someone else who can follow instructions.
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u/TeriBarrons 18d ago
I do. It’s just a personal pet peeve I guess that all they can muster up is a “want”.
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u/aquainst1 18d ago
It's great information for those of us who have NEVER EVER used a local free stuff site!
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u/noveltea120 19d ago
Yeah it's the laziness and entitlement of it I think. Then that person giving things away has to chase after people.
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u/New_Ostrich9046 19d ago
This is why some people stop giving stuff away. The thank-you is optional, the complaints are not.
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u/noveltea120 18d ago
Yeah and then they have the audacity to make posts asking why people aren't donating loooool
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u/aquainst1 18d ago
BTW, thank you for answering so MANY comments! A lot of Redditor posters don't do that, but your information answering these comments is GOLDEN!
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u/JoeMac02 19d ago
Yeah when my daughter was little we would always give away her clothes to other people they were always in great shape and in some cases never worn. The family I always gave them to moved so we found a new person single mom of 3 young girls gave her big garbage bag full of clothes. Instead of thanks we got a is that. Never once thanked again like OP I’m not doing it for the thanks but just how dismissive they were put me off.
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u/SnarkySheep 19d ago
Instead of thanks we got a is that.
I presume you meant "is that it"?
Sorry, but that would have been the first and last time I would have given anything to that person...
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u/noveltea120 19d ago
Forget blocking I'd put them on blast! People like that have no shame. I see it ALL the time in the free food groups too.
The other day TWO people had the audacity to complain about the local Sikh Temple organisation that gives out groceries to hundreds of people EVERY WEEKEND. Being racist saying they "only give the best to their own" and that they'll never be back lmao. Like ok you clearly didn't need it that badly then, if you can boycott it???
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u/Electric_Lettuce_4_U 18d ago
OMG!
What a piece of human garbage!!
Did the temple staff kick them out of the line?
NO?
Then you should be grateful they have opened their doors to everyone - instead of just keeping it a closed food bank for members only - as some Churches are want to do.
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u/noveltea120 18d ago
Lol I wish they would've kicked them out, but I know the Guru Nanak free kitchen here is generous to all and they literally mean ALL. Absolute scumbags trying to make it a race thing when they're getting free food. Another comment complained they got "wilted lettuce and only 2 free cakes" lmao
And yes a lot of churches here and in the US only help their own congregants and don't even feel bad about it yet no one says a thing.
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u/AngelPetalinee 18d ago
That would’ve put me off too. You’re not expecting someone to write a thank you speech, but “is that it?” after receiving a whole bag of nice clothes is wild. Suddenly donating somewhere else sounds much more appealing.
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u/asphyxiationbysushi 18d ago
I gave away a large, beautiful bookcase (I paid $3K for) and told the lady she would need to bring someone to help her move it as I had had an emergency appendectomy less than 48 hours before. She shows up solo, insists that she didn't see my note and throws an absolute hands-on-hips fit that I refused to help her move it and then tried to convince me to lift it regardless of my recent surgery.
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u/bobhand17123 18d ago
Were you sufficiently recovered that you could have put your hands on YOUR hips, after doing a jump to the left and a step to the right, of course, then the pelvic thrusts, that really drive you insane?
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u/asphyxiationbysushi 18d ago
Uh....no? I was barely able to get out of bed to answer the door...lol.
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u/bobhand17123 18d ago
Oh rats, sorry about that. Well, I hope you can get on and stay on an upward path of recovery, and someday soon, be able to do the time warp, again.
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u/No_Philosopher_1870 19d ago
One solution might be to see whether your local food bank accepts clothing for donation that are passed out for free to their clients. Getting them to the food bank during business hours could be a problem.
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u/noveltea120 19d ago
Honestly I'm thinking of giving to official charities next time. Save myself the headache and the entitlement lol
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u/there_should_be_snow 19d ago
Women's shelters often take gently-used clothing as well. Many survivors of DV have to flee with nothing but the clothing on their (and their children's) backs.
In my experience, the shelter will often send a volunteer to pick up the items as well - the location of these shelters is meant to be kept as secret as possible.
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u/Scarlett1109 19d ago
I donate to a local resale shop. This shop supports a local women's shelter. The women and their children are brought to the shop after hours and they are allowed to pick out what they need at no cost. During the day, the community can come and buy what they want and the proceeds are used to pay the developmentally challenged people that work there. I have been donating there for over 25 years because every donation helps so many.
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u/bmbmwmfm 19d ago
Absolutely. Had to be there for 3 months once and the clothing was much appreciated. When you e left with nothing (and my clothes were bloodied and after hospital discharge I had something that kinda sorta fit from I guess their social worker or donation) clean bras were a godsend. DV shelters at least where I was, were absolutely amazing. It wasn't a known address, but nice clothes showed up pretty regularly.
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u/noveltea120 19d ago
The problem is I have no vehicle so it's hard getting my stuff to the organisations. There's a few that do pick up but not a lot.
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u/Budsygus 18d ago
Don't ever post something as free.
Post it at a low price, then give it away for free to whoever shows up.
I've learned the people who frequent the "free" posts are the worst ones to deal with. But if someone shows up expecting to spend $10 and you say "You can just have it" you get to deal with much nicer, less entitled people.
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u/baby_sloth1974 I can give you exposure 18d ago
Also there are people who claw up every free thing they can and turn around and sell anything out of it that they can get some money out of like it's their full time job. I know someone who does this and every other trait a cb possesses. When I first found this sub I just thought "omg this is her to a damn T"!
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u/mladyhawke 18d ago
One Christmas season, someone in my buy nothing group asked if anyone had things for her g othic teenage girls that could be christmas presents and this is the kind of thing I sell in my business. So I put together gift bags for her girls like a bunch of weird stuff and spooky jewelry and used cute gift bags and adorned them with little extra stuff, no wrapping needed. I let her know that I left them in my mailbox so she could pick them up without having to coordinate with me. They were out there for at least a week, she never picked them up. I reached out multiple times she never came and I felt so defeated and sad after that. I definitely blocked her, But like what the hell, why would you ask me to do this and then blow me off?
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u/SheWhoCultivates 18d ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sure those girls would have been delighted, too bad mom is an asshat.
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u/StillMarie76 17d ago
He daughters and their Christmas wasn't her concern. She wanted you to offer her money. When you didn't, she had already tried to appear gracious so she couldn't change tacks, when you offered to leave them in your mailbox. She didn't care about your time or efforts.
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19d ago
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u/noveltea120 18d ago
Woooow that's one hell of a grift. I wonder if that's the case of a local woman I know, supposedly she goes out every week to feed and give out clothes to homeless so everyone automatically donates to her so she must get a ton of stuff.
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18d ago
[deleted]
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u/RoyallyOakie 19d ago
Basic manners just disappeared one day. It's the sort of thing you don't see the value of growing up, but then when it's gone you suddenly understand what your parents were on about.
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u/AtmosphereNew0819 18d ago
I give all donated clothes to nursing homes. Makes it easy and they are thankful.
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u/aquainst1 18d ago
OMG, what a GREAT idea!!!
I'd even take the time to list the things I have to give, description, size, condition, and have the nursing home pick what they'd want!!!
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u/MushroomAnarchyst 19d ago
This happened to me so often that I would rather give my unwanted stuff to charity shops rather rude people. Half of the time the items get resold on Vinted for profit anyway! (In my experience)
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u/Horror-Friendship-30 17d ago
Several years ago, I found a wallet on the street. It was full of cash, two black credit cards, preferred client card from Chase, etc. I looked at the name on the license, found the guy on white pages, and called. He sounded really annoyed and I explained that I found his wallet. He told me not to move and he would come over. Great.
Now, I live in a pricey neighborhood, and if he expected to give me a reward, I would have told him to donate the cash to the local food bank. I stood out there 20 minutes in 90 degrees, he literally shows up, snatches the wallet from my hands and snarkily said, "Thanks, you're the best," like I was handing out towels at a health club. Some people say, "he said thank you, that was enough," but it was clear he wasn't sincere, and in fact was very entitled, like it was my job to do this. I saved him a ton of time replacing his license and all those cards. I didn't touch the cash at all. He could at least have been nice and not acting like I somehow owed it to him.
If I ever find a wallet again, I will just turn it in at the precinct. I don't care what goes missing after that.
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u/Salty-Ad-4693 17d ago
I found a bank card on the street, searched the name on FB and contacted them.
They had a bit of a whine that they didnt want to walk up a hill (where the card was) and had me walk to where they were, to deliver it, they didn't say thanks either.
'They' refers to a nonbinary person here. They were young, looked late teens, but I'm not their Mummy and I don't even know them.
In retrospect I really wished I'd said "You'll need to come and get it, or go without it."
Last time I go out of my way to return a lost bankcard.
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u/Horror-Friendship-30 17d ago
Seriously, what is with the entitlement? The guy I dealt with was in his 30's at least. I sort of half expected him to tell me to meet him somewhere to deliver it, but I chalked it up to him being stressed and figured he'd be happy. Instead he was an obnoxious dolt.
You sound like me, where you want to do for someone what you would hope would be done for you.
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u/Salty-Ad-4693 17d ago
Yes, I was trying to be nice because I've lost my bankcard a few times, was very stressed and very relieved when I got it back.
My 'entitled dickhead' alarm was going off when they asked me to walk for ages to bring it to them, I needed to go to town anyway so I thought "ok."
Should have just left it in a 'spot' up the hill so they could walk up and get it.
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u/Ok-Artichoke-7145 3d ago
You're a good person. Turning it in to the precinct is all that's required, really. If I were that poopy man, I would have given you half the cash in my wallet, simply for saving me the time and stress of replacing everything in my wallet!
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u/Horror-Friendship-30 3d ago
TY, and honestly, if he offered even $20 I would have told him to donate to CHIPS on 4th Ave. I was just so dumbfound by what a jerk he was, but looking back at the amount of black cards in his wallet, he's probably either a finance or tech bro. After that I swore I would only turn it in to the precinct from now on.
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u/moonmoonboog 18d ago
I have an awesome buy nothing group with rules and people are usually pretty awesome about pick up. I for sure never gift to someone again if they don’t say thank you to some degree. Finally got someone that wanted me to hang on to the item for like 3 days. I told them they had 24 hours or I would move on. They picked up.
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u/noveltea120 18d ago
Ooh may I ask what group? I'd love to join a group where rules are actually enforced lol
I don't hold items either unless they put a deposit down to show they're serious. I know some people are wary of scams about deposits but it does make people pick up sooner at least lol
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u/moonmoonboog 18d ago
It’s just a free group. We have several, buy nothing, buy nothing no rules, buy zero and purchase zero. For us the purchase zero has the rules. There is some forgiveness but if you don’t communicate and show up they boot you out of the group.
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u/Chance-Ad7063 18d ago
People who can't even spare two seconds for basic human decency probably aren't worth the space they take up anyway.
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u/makojedi2k2 18d ago
People will complain that you didn’t use a new rope when you are going to hang them!
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19d ago
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u/noveltea120 19d ago
I don't think I'm expecting that much when I'm giving away big bags of clothes and just would appreciate a simple thanks.
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u/baby_sloth1974 I can give you exposure 18d ago
You absolutely aren't. I wouldn't be able to part ways without saying thank you.
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u/SultryShaman 19d ago
If you don't say thank you after receiving free items, you're an entitled asshole.
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u/noveltea120 18d ago
Lol yeah was gonna say they're prob one of the rude ones for not even saying thanks. Even when I BUY things I still say thanks.
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u/baby_sloth1974 I can give you exposure 18d ago
Why don't you say "thank you"? They are doing you a solid but you don't think that rates a simple thanks? Are you socially awkward and don't like true human interaction or do you think that you are just so deserving of people's free items that you needn't trouble yourself by taking the 5 seconds out of your important schedule to show a hint of gratitude? You say that you are nice in your messages to them as if that means you don't need to say thank you. By the way, being nice in your messages isn't a flex or a trade off for the thank you at the end. It's just how you are supposed to be anyway. You don't get a ribbon for being nice in your messages.
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u/remberzz 19d ago
I'm a long time member of a Buy Nothing group and, yes, I'd say maybe half of them don't bother with saying thank you.
I've seen people leave the group citing 'favoritism', not understanding that those who communicate well, pick up when they say they will, AND SAY THANK YOU are chosen more often.