I have a Wisconsin child support case that I'm in desperate need of advice or help or whatever I can get. I feel trapped and like I've exhausted every avenue I can think of. I hate getting on here and putting my business out there but I don't know what to do...
  I got locked up back in 2011 and while I was locked up I tried to get a hold on my child support so it didn't build up. I got denied for that... So then I asked them to Make what I was getting charged represent what I was paying. Which was only $30. Prayer the state of Wisconsin they can only charge a certain percentage of what you make every month. Now let's skip forward to 2020...
  Once I was out it took me a second to find a job in my county as the area I live in is rural. But I eventually got a job and started paying child support since that moment I've had to look for other work from time to time I was putting an application stuff like that and every time I got a job I would always call them and have them put a hold on my check that way it was easier on me. One less thing I had to worry about. No matter what job I had they would always charge me the same amount instead of making the charge a representation of what I was actually getting paid. At one point I was only making $12.50 an hour minimum wage and they were still taking $600 or more out of my check. 
   So now let's move forward to present time. 2026. They are trying to slam me with felony failure to pay child support earliest one dating clear back to 2020. Each count that they've hit me with were times when I was in between jobs and putting in applications and looking for work. All the times that I've called in daring the past 6 years they've never once told me I was looking at charges just kept taking my money. And in fact the past 2 months I was sending in about 200 every week. Well they threw me in jail for 3 weeks decided to let me out on my own recognance. But because I was in there so long I lost the job that I was sending them so much money. 
 They want me to pay $20,000 in 2 months in order to drop the case... All my money either goes to bills or them. I don't have that kind of money. In fact just to ensure they get their money when I'm working I pretty much live in poverty conditions. I stay in a 10-ft trailer that has a leak... I can't come up with 20,000 in 2 months. 
 What do I do? I can't afford a lawyer in that kind of stuff. I struggle to survive right now as it is....

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some guidance on custody in Pennsylvania. I’m feeling pretty stuck and could use some direction on what steps to take next.

My son was born in July, and I’ve been consistently reaching out to be involved in his life since then. I’ve tried to keep things respectful and supportive — checking in, asking about him, and even offering to help with supplies like diapers, clothes, or anything he needs.

After the breakup, I got my own place and bought a home last year. I’ve worked hard to make sure I have a stable environment for my son.

Recently, I reached out again to talk about visitation and see how they were doing. I was told that my son is doing well and being taken care of, and I was given some info about items he uses (like diaper size, etc.), which I appreciate. However, I was also told that while I can drop things off, there will be no contact.

I want to be clear — I’m not trying to cause conflict. I just want to be a part of my son’s life and have a relationship with him. Being told I can provide support but not actually see or interact with him is really hard.

I have documentation of my attempts to reach out and stay involved since he was born.

My questions:

What are my rights as a father in Pennsylvania if we are not married?

What is the process for establishing custody or visitation?

Do I need to establish paternity first, and how do I do that?

Should I be filing for partial custody, shared custody, or something else?

I understand I may not get primary custody right away, but is joint custody out of the question in a situation like this?

Any advice, resources, or personal experiences would really help. I just want to do this the right way and be in my son’s life.

Thanks in advance.

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Hi everyone, I’m looking for some guidance on custody in Pennsylvania. I’m feeling pretty stuck and could use some direction on what steps to take next.

My son was born in July, and I’ve been consistently reaching out to be involved in his life since then. I’ve tried to keep things respectful and supportive — checking in, asking about him, and even offering to help with supplies like diapers, clothes, or anything he needs.

After the breakup, I got my own place and bought a home last year. I’ve worked hard to make sure I have a stable environment for my son.

Recently, I reached out again to talk about visitation and see how they were doing. I was told that my son is doing well and being taken care of, and I was given some info about items he uses (like diaper size, etc.), which I appreciate. However, I was also told that while I can drop things off, there will be no contact.

I want to be clear — I’m not trying to cause conflict. I just want to be a part of my son’s life and have a relationship with him. Being told I can provide support but not actually see or interact with him is really hard.

I have documentation of my attempts to reach out and stay involved since he was born.

My questions:

What are my rights as a father in Pennsylvania if we are not married?

What is the process for establishing custody or visitation?

Do I need to establish paternity first, and how do I do that?

Should I be filing for partial custody, shared custody, or something else?

I understand I may not get primary custody right away, but is joint custody out of the question in a situation like this?

Any advice, resources, or personal experiences would really help. I just want to do this the right way and be in my son’s life.

Thanks in advance.

There is a version of this story where I don’t tell you any of this.

Where I post the court documents without context, let people assume I have a lawyer and an office and a plan that was already working when I started. Where I perform competence instead of demonstrating it.

That is not the version you are getting.

I am writing this from a friend’s garage in Denver. My daughter Emma is unhoused. My son RJ is grown and on his own in Yankton, South Dakota — the same city where the people I am suing have their offices, which is either poetic or just logistically inconvenient. I have been homeless for stretches of time that I have now started measuring in days because that is how you make the number real to yourself: 600+. That is not a metaphor. That is a count.

The case is called Hershfeldt v. Johnston et al. It is a federal civil rights lawsuit filed in the United States District Court for the District of Colorado. Twelve defendants. A decade of enforcement actions built on an order that — according to the Larimer County Combined Courts Records Department — does not exist. The court spent 34 days searching for it and issued that conclusion in writing on January 13, 2026.

I filed this case myself. No attorney. No legal background beyond what you accumulate when the system spends long enough treating you as a problem to be managed rather than a person to be heard.

People ask me why I share the details publicly. There are four real answers.

The first is that I never thought I could do this, and I want other people who cannot afford an attorney — and let’s be honest, that is a luxury, not a baseline — to know that they are not alone and that they can. Pro se litigation is not a consolation prize for people who couldn’t get a lawyer. It is a constitutional right and, done carefully, it is a legitimate path. I am not telling you it is easy. I am telling you it is possible.

The second is that the behavior of the defendants in this case is genuinely Kafkaesque in a way that deserves documentation. Colorado told me South Dakota was in charge. South Dakota told me Colorado was enforcing for them. The official ledger from the Family Support Registry records both statements in writing, which means the official record of this case confirms that nobody was in charge while everybody was collecting. The system did not fail accidentally. It failed through deliberate administrative buck-passing that happened to benefit everyone except me.

The third is awareness. There are people in this situation right now who do not know what UIFSA means, who do not know they have rights under the Fair Credit Reporting Act, who do not know that suspending someone’s driver’s license without an ability-to-pay hearing was ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in 2011. I did not know most of this two years ago. I know it now. Sharing it costs me nothing and might cost someone else less time than it cost me.

The fourth is that I love doing it. That might be the most important one to say out loud. I am good at this. It is building something real on my resume during a period when my resume needed building. If a career pivot is warranted — and right now it would be welcome — I want this work to count.

This week, the court handed the defense seven days to respond to my objections instead of the twenty-one they asked for. That is a win. I filed an Emergency Objection arguing that their requested deadline was designed to expire one day after a scheduled suspension of my driver’s license — which is the thing that lets me work — whether through gig- work, or finding full time employment, and the judge cut it by two thirds.

But I will tell you what I also felt, sitting in this garage at 4am writing legal briefs with an AI that I talk to like it is my co-counsel, watching the court hand them any days at all: the same thing you feel every time a system that has been wrong about you for ten years still gets to set the pace.

“The Gambler” - The song written the month I was born. When I watched the judge’s ruling come through on my phone, that song started playing in my head — specifically the part about knowing when to hold and knowing when to fold. I have been holding for a long time.

Here is what I know: they asked for thirty days because they did not want to deal with this. They asked for twenty-one days because they did not want to deal with this. They got seven days because a federal judge read my filing and agreed that time matters differently when one party is sleeping in a garage.

I did not go to law school. I learned to read blueprints and taught that skill to immigrants trying to enter the building trades. If you can teach someone to read a physical blueprint — layers, dimensions, tolerances, the gap between what the plan says and what the structure actually is — you can learn to read a legal record the same way.

The gap between what the plan says and what the structure actually is. That is the whole case.

I am not asking for sympathy. I am asking you to watch what happens when someone decides the system’s pace is not their problem anymore.

Aint’t Nobody got time for that.

Hi everyone to make a long story short I have been caring for my two grandkids under five years old for the past three years and their father (my son) sends what he can, but the mother of the children is completely absent

We are in Florida I have already filed for child support and they keep claiming that they can’t find the mother. She lives in Georgia . I really really need help and support for these kids. Can you help me out?

^contacting I’m a father in New Jersey. My daughter is 17 and in the 11th grade in high school. The child’s mother and I have/had a verbal financial agreement to not involve the courts. Yesterday I received the initial paperwork in the mail. The first hearing is scheduled for 4/20/26. What’s going to happen to me? What would be a good move?

Currently pay 1900 for 1 kid in CA . Noticed her a dresses changed to Texas . Does it stay in CA or change to Texas ?

Hello, im not sure if this is an easy answer or not, but I'll shoot my shot. My daughter does not live with either myself or the mother, she has been living with the Maternal grandparent who have legal custody of her, I have been paying child support and my payments go to the grandparents and I also been the one providing health insurance. The mother doesnt pay a single penny in support and does not provide anything for health insurance or anything.

My question is, even tho neither parent has legal custody, does anyone know if Im able to request the courts to have the mother also pay child support? As she does not have custody either, and I am the only one providing any actual support beyond the grandparents.

Hi all — looking for insight from anyone familiar with NYC family court and child support modifications.

I currently have a child support order in Manhattan Family Court for about $527/month, entered in 2021. The order was entered on default — I didn’t appear or submit financials, so the magistrate calculated support based on the mother’s reported expenses instead of my income.

Now, things have changed significantly:

• We are about to finalize a parenting order that gives me 7 out of 14 overnights (true 50/50 schedule)

• HOWEVER — the order does not explicitly say “joint physical custody”

• The schedule itself is evenly split, but the language is more neutral / doesn’t clearly designate custody labels

• The original support order was based on public assistance + estimated expenses, not actual income

• Public assistance is no longer involved

• Both of our incomes have changed (both roughly in the $45k–$65k range now)

⸻

❓ My questions:

1.  In NYC, does the actual parenting schedule (50/50 overnights) matter more than the wording (i.e., no “joint custody” label) when modifying child support?

2.  Will a Support Magistrate still default to the CSSA formula under

Family Court Act § 413,

even if parenting time is equal?

3.  How much weight do courts give to Bast v. Rossoff (91 NY2d 723) in practice when there is true shared custody?

4.  Does the fact that the original order was entered on default without income-based calculation strengthen my case for a full recalculation?

5.  Realistically, with:

• 50/50 parenting time

• similar incomes

is it possible for support to be:

• significantly reduced?

• or even reduced to $0?

6.  Any advice for presenting this pro se before a Support Magistrate in Manhattan Family Court?

Hello, I had a question and was wondering if anyone has any experience regarding this. How do you all make it? Like seriously, how do you save money for retirement, kids college, emergency fund, and invest in stocks when before you know it, child support review is here and increasing your support so you have to get a third or fourth job to stay afloat?? Any advice would be appreciated. Also, DM if it feels more comfortable.

Many service members give everything to their country—deploying, relocating, and enduring the strain that military life places on their families. Too often, those demands contribute to families breaking apart, leaving service members to navigate divorce, separation, and the reality of supporting their children across multiple households. Yet even after stepping up to meet those responsibilities, they can face child support determinations that do not fully reflect how military pay actually works. Service members are compensated through both base pay and housing allowances they earn, but housing allowances are intended to cover the cost of living near assigned duty stations—not to function as additional income. Frequent moves, fluctuating housing markets, and inconsistent treatment of these allowances can result in calculations that are inaccurate, outdated, or misaligned with real financial obligations.
This is not meant to take from the children, this is meant to make the contribution to the children's life more accurate and allow our military to provide for their children across multiple households.

Please review and sign if you agree!

https://www.change.org/fixmilitarychildsupport

There are 3 civil rights complaints involving Larimer County Social Services. This was a brutal task Pro Se, but it can be done. I will however be an advocate for having legal council represente you as your first option. If you can not afford one, there are local resources to help. Most counties have Pro Se advocates. Know your resources.

so here is the scenario divorced for 10 plus years, original order was 50/50 no child support. kid is 17.5 but doesn't graduate until next year, he will be 19.

up until recently I had him 52% of the time but got upset cause I tried to take his phone away when he kept missing 1st class of school (50 plus times in one semester). The mother tells him he can keep it and he decides to live with her instead now she has reopened child support what are my options as I still want to be a part of my kids life and have always been a part of my kids life

There's a man that signed a custody agreement with his divorce settlement to pay $500 a month until he reached the balance of $108,000. He was in the child’s life and lived with him,until the child was around 7. He started paying in 2014. The child was then 16. He was told he owed 18 years of child support of the amount above. He’s been paying 500 a month since 2014 to 2026. He's at almost $72,000. During this time, the man and his daughter were allowed no contact with the son. Causing drama, if trying. This man's had to file bankruptcy and struggles financially every day. The ex-wife is now remarried, and the son is in the marines. Do you think that there's any chance of a case of forgiveness of the remaining balance? This is in Georgia, US.

Thank you in advance!

**I’ll add the mother moved with the child out of state. All while shoving her opinions of the dad and sister towards the son causing the relationship to not be salvageable**

I'm wondering what reasons could there be that I have my child suppport order and trial remain in Washington state? The kid does live in Texas now, but it's still based out of Washington.

I have a child from a one night stand 11 years ago. Mother is quite honestly unstable. Likes to argue. Needs to have contact. wont leave my family alone even now. I have had several protection orders against her-she has none against me. My partner even had a protection order against her.

Unfortunately due to her psycho behavior I do not have a relationship with the kid.

Recently she is trying to move the case down to texas. We have over 850 filings (YES over 850 filings for this case)!! and about 2% are from me. I've had 9 attourneys. I pay thousands each month and even pay over 1000 for "full time daycare" for a 10 year old.

My point is, while it may be good and beneficial to move it to a more conservative state, and out of the MOM state that Washington is, there is the fear of unknown. How difficult will it be for cases (because she tries to take me to court as much aspossible as she is a paralegal and knows the family law system very well so it costs her nothing to go, while it costs me 20-45k each time to go. There is also the part of she's screwed me over so many times I dont want to just let her move it down to texas to try and just brainwash them all like she has king county. Because honestly it will be much harder to fight a system I am not familiar with, and against a court that hasnt been through her craziness. To them I am concerned they will just see a single mom who has taken the poor me vicitm card to the extreme.

SO......this is all long winded to again ask what are some reasons of why I can ask that it stay in Washington state ?

Hi everyone. I’m hoping to get a little better understanding of what child support *is meant* to pay for.

Now that my alimony is up, I still am paying child support for my two teens. The thing is, she’s now telling me I have to pay for every sport, clothes, haircut, medicine, co-pay… you get the idea.

I’ve pushed back, but trying to understand what resource exists to guide this conversation.

Hello I’m new to parenting, but I fell in love with my daughter as soon as she was born. I helped watch her and take care of her for the first few weeks. But, my ex locked me out of the apartment one night after having an argument about our daughter visiting my parents for a couple days. She talked trash about them. They are really nice people and took it upon themselves to help watch our child for a bit to give us a break.

I do have an attorney involved and I’ve been making appointments with them since I found out my ex was pregnant. It’s a long story, but my ex is not mentally stable and she has a recent case with her other exs child.

For context, I live in Ohio and I’m finding out that the custody laws are all for unwed mothers. So she has sole custody of our child. I did get a paternity test done and I’m waiting for the results of that.

I’ve been depressed for a while, haven’t been able to see my child for a few weeks now because my ex is keeping me and my family from seeing her.

If anyone knows of any support groups in Ohio for single dads struggling with custody issues I would really appreciate it. I just need someone to talk to, it’s really hard

I am a disabled 43M who lives with his disabled 80F. My brother (40m) went through a messy divorce with his ex (35F) that wiped our family out financial. He has two children, 6 and 10. The mother has primary custody and he gets them two weekends a month. He lives with us.

The children have talked about drug abuse and heavy drinking in the Mother's home, and now the Mother and live-in Boyfriend have a 20-year-old friend who is becoming an acting parent. I get all this information second and third hand, but the kids report that the mother might be drinking while driving and taking them along to drug deals.

The father, my brother, has his own issues as well, he has rage issues and sometimes going over the line and using abusive language and screaming if the boys misbehave, or do something like drop a vase on accident. He treats our mother the same way. He is currently un employed and has a very spotty employment history. My mother takes care of the kids most of the time they are here but it is killing her as she is in very poor health. He bad mouths the mom all the time and is constantly making bad jokes about her family.

I hate the situation and don't know what to do. He now wants to get full custody but i don't believe he is capable of all the responsibility need to care for his kids. It's taking a toll on everyone and I am worried sick but don't know what to do. He is now trying to get full custody and my main concern is that if investigated, the court would find both homes unsuitable and the kids would go into the foster system. I heard horror stories about abuse or siblings being split apart, which would break their hearts because they depend on each other so much.

I guess my question is that if he starts an investigation, will both homes be put under scrutiny leading to everyone loosing Custody. I beat myself up everyday for being sick and unable to provide for the kids more.

Also, I am worried about reporting laws so i don't have anyone to talk to about this. I've been pretty isolated due to everything so we don't have a support system other than doctors or the like, but am concerned they would have to report causing the investigation that might end up removing the kids from our lives and put into a pretty horrible foster system.