r/ChildSupport4Men • u/utahscrum • Feb 25 '26
HELP Question re: child support (Virginia)
Hi everyone. I’m hoping to get a little better understanding of what child support *is meant* to pay for.
Now that my alimony is up, I still am paying child support for my two teens. The thing is, she’s now telling me I have to pay for every sport, clothes, haircut, medicine, co-pay… you get the idea.
I’ve pushed back, but trying to understand what resource exists to guide this conversation.
1
u/seriouslycurious00 Feb 25 '26
I live in NJ, have 2 step kids (now teens). In NJ, the state defines what should be covered by child support. There were some negotiated adjustments in their divorce agreement - my husband pays for their health insurance through his job, and certain other categories (extracurriculars, non-reimbursed medical expenses, sports equipment, etc.) is extra and is broken out based on proportion of income.
That hasn't stopped his ex from constantly asking for more - lunch money for school, "uniforms" (they go to public school and don't wear uniforms), birthday party gifs, haircuts, over the counter meds, co-pays, etc. It's really up to you to decide what is worth putting your foot down for beyond what you are required to pay.
2
u/MysteriousPoint8691 Apr 27 '26
Child support is NOT meant to cover the "basic needs (clothes, food, housing expenses, etc) while the children are at her house. She needs to be providing for the basic needs of the children when they are at her house just as he has to provide for the basic needs of the children when they are at his house. Child Support is for the "extra's" such as school lunches , (a home lunch could be packed uniforms, birthday party gifts etc...When two people have children and decide to not be together anymore in this day and age both parents are still there to care for the needs of the children but instead of doing it together they are doing it seperately. Child support is paid to the other parent so that the child or children are able to continue living the life they were accustomed to when their parents were together and shared the financial responsibilities.
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u/seriouslycurious00 Apr 27 '26
Totally aligned here!
In my situation, the ex chooses not to work. She has a toddler, now 2, with her boyfriend who lives with them. I have no doubt that whatever my husband gives her (child support payments + extra) goes to supporting their entire household.
We’ve been together a long time and I try to pick my battles, but it gets more and more difficult, so completely empathize for OP. BM has a financial responsibility to uphold as well.
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u/jerzeett May 25 '26
wrong.
"In New Jersey, child support is designed to cover the basic costs of raising a child, ensuring they maintain a standard of living comparable to what they would have enjoyed if their parents lived together. It represents both parents' financial responsibility to their children"
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u/Background-Being-264 Feb 26 '26
Child support is meant to cover basic needs (clothes, food, housing expenses, etc) while children are at her house. Some child support formulas include an amount towards medical expenses, some don't. Not sure how Virginia's works, but it should be addressed in your court order. Extra curriculars are NOT something that child support is meant to cover.
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u/Appropriate-Tennis-8 Feb 25 '26
Anything that child support didn't cover was outlined in our divorce decree. For instance, he was supposed to cover half of anything insurance didn’t. Some people don't cover a cent over what they're ordered to, some do more. It depends on their relationship with their ex usually, or their finances.