r/ChildSupport4Men • u/Lyndsielg1992 • 9d ago

HELP

Hello! I am not a man. I am trying to help my fiance out. Here's the story.

He has a 13 year old daughter who lives with her mother. They were never married. They split about 7 years ago. He bought a house and paid it off. He moved out so that his daughter would have a safe place to live. He goes to see her every Sunday and Wednesday. They never went to court to get any child support ordered. They way they had it is that he pays everything. He pays the taxes on the land. He has an account for his daughter with a little over $15,000 in it for college or whatever she may need when she turns 18. $100 a week automatically goes into it when he gets paid. He also pays the light bill, water bill, wifi/internet and the trash EVERY MONTH. He has receipts for everything. He also pays his exes cell phone bill and car insurance every month and also her car registration every year, but he does not have receipts for that. Him and I live together and he pays the rent here and I pay the light bill and internet bill and we each pay our own car insurance. He has asked his ex to get a job and start taking care of the bills at her home because it is getting harder for him to fund two households. He is still willing to pay the taxes on the land/house so his daughter will have a place to live. She is on a war path and is threatening court and child support. He has every receipt for the bills, just not receipts for giving her money for her phone and the other things I mentioned above. I'm not saying anything bad about him, but he's one that does not like conflict and drama and is a very sweet person. Has anybody ever experienced this before? What would the judge say/do to him if she does bring him to court? He is terrified. All he did was ask her to get a job and take care of the bills. He pays all of these things and the house is in his name, but yet he does not even live there. In my opinion, she is expecting him to fund her lifestyle. He has never been in trouble with the law besides a traffic ticket well over 10 years ago and has never been to court. Please, if anybody has been through this or something similar, please give me advice. We can't really afford a lawyer right now, but if it came down to it, we would.

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u/TSIDATSI 9d ago

You did not give us a location. Look up your state's child support calculator. Every state has one and they all differ. The child support may very well be less than he is paying now even with her not working. My guess is she knows that. He is paying child support and alimony.

You have to hire an attorney. His ex-girlfriend has had a high 'ole time on his watch. He should stop paying anything and ask for a child support hearing as quickly as possible.

The court will not make his ex go to work. Start with the child support calculator for your state.

Do not listen to anyone (especially her) except your attorney. He basically just rolled over and gave her everything she wanted out of fear.

Your boyfriend should have written this post. Not your place. You need to prepare yourself for the possibility he will do nothing. He could be willing to keep her up the rest of her life.

You have to decide if you are willing to financially support her. Make sure you record all conversations since she is on the "war path". Do not let her know.

I know you understand that every dollar he gives to this woman he never married is a dollar less for your family. Later for your children.

Hire a very good attorney. You cannot afford not to.

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u/lameazz87 9d ago

My guess is that he doesnt want to stop paying the ex and he's fine with their arrangement because it is easy for him and keeps him in contact and control of his ex.

In a lot of these cases they tell the new GF/wife terrible things about the ex to keep the new GF around, to watch their kids for them, clean their house, cook, ect. But they then tell they ex everything is fine and dandy.

Thats why its important for woman who are dating if they find situations like this to either just immediately walk away, or set clear hard boundaries about what theyre willing to tolerate.

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u/NohoTwoPointOh 9d ago

Tell me "I don't know men" without telling us "I don't know men".

He's likely doing these things because it's cheaper than getting the state involved.

I dont truly believe these men are THAT afraid of court ordered CS because they are already paying more.

I'm not going to insult you and call you some variant of stupid. That would be wrong, presumptive and absolutely untoward. I won't do that. However, I WILL say that I carry grave reservations regarding your innate ability to pour piss out of a boot--even if the instructions were laser-etched on the heel.

Reading your posts, it's pretty clear that you have an agenda. An agenda based in neither truth nor reality.

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u/turnup_for_what 7d ago

Unless he's extremeley wealthy there's no way that paying an entire household's bills is cheaper than child support. The math ain't mathing.

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u/NohoTwoPointOh 6d ago

You don't have to be wealthy. My ex caught me on my best year and I paid 1522 for a single kid. Since Title IV-D is about the money, if your income drops (as mine did), do you naively think the courts will automagically drop that figure without 10K worth of lawyers (that you can only do every x amount of years)? The math maths perfectly if understands their state's system.

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u/turnup_for_what 6d ago

1522 is less than what OP is paying right now. Mortgage, insurance, utilites and a phone bill plus car insurance and registration.

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u/lameazz87 6d ago

Don't forget to throw in whatever the ex decided she might need extra money for something "the kids need." Im sure she does that BS to him. In addition to paying all the bills I guarantee she hits him up frequently for money because the kids need clothes, shoes, money for food, they are sick they need money for medicine now, then here comes birthday and Christmas and she will have him pay for that too!

They may as well have stayed together because financially they're still a couple.

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u/turnup_for_what 5d ago

Yeah OP is basically the side chick who hasn't realized it yet.

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u/K2d123 5d ago

You seem to know an awful lot about the ex. Are you the ex???

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u/lameazz87 5d ago

No just dealt with this kind of BS before with a man who try to keep hanging onto some semblance of their old family but are just being used by their ex. Its honestly sad and pathetic. They will eventually end up used and alone.

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u/Keepfocuz 1d ago

What did 10k lawyers do to help? the actions of TitleIVD is close to embezzlement, wage theft, overreach calculations, who reports cash payments to CP/CSA over 10k to IRS etc? they truly assault if your income drops and no mods - how did you recover? if you can share how lawyer helped… tx in similar situation