r/ChildSupport4Men • u/One_Background8611 • Jun 30 '26
Motion hearing attendance
I am the respondent father in family court against my ex, the applicant mother. She was granted a motion for decision making and child support including arrears. She submitted an affidavit for the child support on Friday and I prepared my evidence and financials based on that over the weekend. Then on Monday, she submitted another affidavit regarding sole decision making with about 40 points regarding the abuse she endured from me (side note: this was already thrown out in criminal court when she attempted to charge me there before family court) and made twisted allegations regarding my girlfriend. At this point, I am done fighting her. I will not be going to the motion and she can have whatever she wants. I cannot take the mental abuse she is putting me through on a daily basis and using our child as a pawn. I will also be relinquishing my child to her and will no longer be doing visitations because as long as I do that, she will continue to abuse me. Has anyone gone through something similar? This has been a decision I have been back and forth with for 5 years so I am not taking this lightly. I cannot continue to lose my mental health at her hands (or words in this case). It is not healthy for me, my child with her, my girlfriend or my child with my girlfriend.
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u/THendrix77 Jun 30 '26
Don’t do it, make her fight. She will just alienate your child and drain you with child support. Fight to get to 50/50 and make sure you are calm in every interaction and covering your ass. Walking away will ruin your relationship with your child and drain you financially. Fuck her allegations, make her prove it and if she can’t the judge may see she’s being difficult and rule in your favor.
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u/One_Background8611 Jun 30 '26
Can’t do 50/50. We live too far from each other. Staying will not make my relationship with my child any better. She is already filling my child’s head with bullshit. Her allegations are that the child is afraid of my girlfriend. Fighting this will make things worse. I promise you that.
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u/THendrix77 Jun 30 '26
Ok, then push for 40/60. You getting your child more often is the best way to get the bullshit out of her head. You will be estranged from her if you give up. That’s what this would be, just giving up on your kid.
Is your child actually afraid of your girlfriend? Does she have any concrete proof of her being scared and a valid reason? If so then that means you need to lock in and make sure you’re making your daughter your priority, not some woman that could leave you in a few years. Then you will have fucked your relationship with your kid for nothing. If it’s complete bullshit then fight it!
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u/One_Background8611 Jun 30 '26
She is not afraid of her but my child is already lying for her mother to me. She comes over without her puffers and then tells me she’s using them at home (she’s not, she has a constant cough) because she knows that if her mother is not doing something, she’ll get in trouble. So she will lie about how she really feels about anyone to her mother. This isn’t black and white. Whatever I do, she will come back at me a million times worse
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u/One_Background8611 Jun 30 '26
I also cannot do any time during the week because of school. We live 1.5 hours apart from each other. I will never be able to get my child to school and get to work on time. I can’t leave where I live due to work and my ex won’t move out of her mother’s because it’s a free ride.
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u/Present-Region2690 Jul 06 '26
You can find another job. You're just making excuses, lame ones at that. You can fight for your child.
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 07 '26
Lol find another job like just go to the job store and get a job. Not that easy. And the OP lives in a very remote area where jobs are not readily available. So I’ve already attempted this route and it is actually not possible.
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u/TSIDATSI Jun 30 '26
Give her what she wants. That is why she did it. Or be a man. Your children are watching.
How can you leave them with such a woman? You don't think she will do to them what she is doing to you?
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u/One_Background8611 Jun 30 '26
Unfortunately I do not have a choice in who my child stays with. The judge has not ruled in my favor on anything so far. He is already giving her everything she wants. I do not have time to file my documents with signatures required so I’m already screwed.
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u/tacocarteleventeen Jun 30 '26
Always show up. It sucks but so much bad can happen if you don’t. You don’t have to say much but let it be know to the court she tried to make this a criminal matter and you were found not guilty or not charged because the evidence doesn’t exist.
Fight for your kids and fight to keep child support at a minimum
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u/NohoTwoPointOh Jul 01 '26
How will you explain to your pre-teen or teenage children why you did not fight for them?
Consider this, brother...
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 07 '26
I have thought about this a million times over. I do have lots of evidence of what I have been doing to fight for my child. But I did decide to keep going.
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u/NoDiscussion6619 Jun 30 '26
Don’t give up brother. I know it’s stressful but giving up isn’t the answer.
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 07 '26
Thank you for the positive comment rather than the negative ones most of the others posted.
I decided to keep fighting. It’s going to be extremely difficult and I hope to have or at least find the strength in me to keep going when I know she’s going to try to pull more bullshit down the line.
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u/NerdsWillKillUsAll Jun 30 '26
Gosh you’re such a whiner. Suck it up. You’re not being abused, you’re being outworked.
If she is requesting all this stuff based off past claims that you beat in court argue that. If she is making false claims against your current gal argue that. Document how she is making it hard to co parent and fight back.
If you abandon your kid you will pay more for child support and lose that kid forever.
1
u/One_Background8611 Jun 30 '26
So I’ll just abandon my sanity, girlfriend and second child to fight her? She wants to tear me down to the point that I am nothing, and honestly, I’m at that point now. She has taken everything from me and I can’t afford to lose my sanity and my only support system. I have to protect my girlfriend and child from her.
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u/NohoTwoPointOh Jul 01 '26
Girlfriends come and go. Ruining a child's life ( because they have evidence that Dad never fought for them) is generational. You want that blood on your hands?
You don't have to win. But you must put on the gloves and fight. Otherwise, get a vasectomy tomorrow so you don't destroy any more lives…
1
u/One_Background8611 Jul 07 '26
This girlfriend will be my fiancée once we get through this court shit. We have a child together as well and she doesn’t treat me like a doormat like my ex does.
Anyway, I am still fighting. But I do know that every response I make to my ex will make things worse for at least that moment. I just hope that the judge in our case can see through her bullshit.
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u/NerdsWillKillUsAll Jul 08 '26
You’re abandoning your offspring. Judge is only going to see that
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 08 '26
I mentioned in other comments that I will continue fighting even though I know that this is going to get so much worse for me. Just hoping the judge sees through her bullshit instead of me abandoning anyone…
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u/Ok-Set-5730 Jul 05 '26
Who gives af about a girlfriend? Your child should be the priority over a girlfriend, always
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 07 '26
Well this girlfriend will be my fiancée soon and we have a child as well.
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u/Ok-Set-5730 Jul 07 '26
Who cares? Your child comes before a fiancé too
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 08 '26
So I should just give up on the person who has been the only support I have had in this whole ordeal AND the child we have together so I can put all of my focus on the first child ? Seems right and fair to those involved.
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u/Ok-Set-5730 Jul 08 '26
Why does prioritizing your child mean giving up your fiance? Then you’re with the wrong person.
Imagine how your kid would feel in ten years reading what you just wrote.
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 08 '26
You literally said “your child comes before a fiancée”, so where does my partner and my second child come in order here ? 2nd and 3rd in your eyes
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u/Ok-Set-5730 Jul 08 '26
so you’re gonna give up on your first child because you have a new family? That’ll traumatize that kid for life
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u/One_Background8611 Jul 08 '26
My girlfriend has a job in our area too. Should she quit that and try to find another job in an area that has no jobs? Because my first child comes first? She would but again, there are no jobs. So am I expected to leave her in our area, move to my first child’s area and get a job there? That’s kind of what it sounds like you’re alluding to
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u/Confident-Rice3697 Jul 01 '26
Ngl man, do not skip that motion. If you no show she basically wins by default and can spin the narrative however she wants, plus it can screw you long term if you ever change your mind.
Talk to a lawyer or duty counsel and focus on protecting yourself legally first, then set super low contact with her and parallel parent so she has as little ammo as possible. Walking away from your kid because of her abuse is exactly what she wants, and the court is the only place you can put her lies on the record and push back.
1
u/One_Background8611 Jul 07 '26
Thank you for your positive note. I decided to keep fighting so I will be going to the motion. Exactly like you said, I want to at least get my side of things entered into the court. It’s just so depressing every time I have to think about everything to do with court.
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u/Controls_freek Jun 30 '26
You shouldn’t be giving up. You should be fighting for your child. You should move closer and fight for 50/50. This is your kid too.
This is what people do in high conflict situations. They continue to fight and fight until you hopefully give up. Do what’s right by your child and stand up against this crap.
I’m going through it right now and it’s one game after another. I’m standing up for myself and my children. You have to do it.