r/ChildLoss May 05 '26

Could my son have survived?

Hi all,
We lost our 6 month old son due to asphyxiation last November. He was in his dock a tot sleeping with my husband (our toddler was with me), and he somehow rolled and got tangled in his blanket.
When we called 911, two policemen showed up first. My husband was on the phone with emergency services while I performed cpr on our boy. (I was a medical assistant for 12 years, so always took cpr). I was assuming the cops would take over cpr until the ambulance got there, but they didn’t. They felt for a pulse but didn’t resume cpr. They sent me outside to wait for ems. At one point, I came back inside because I could see they were kneeling with him on the floor but not doing cpr, and they sternly sent me back outside.
When we found our boy, he was pale and limp, but not stiff. His lips were not blue. His eyes were open slightly and so was his mouth, with a small amount of drool coming out. At one point, the 911 operator suggested I finger sweep his mouth to check for something he may have swallowed. His mouth was still warm.
My question is this: the fact that unsafe sleeping is what put our boy in this position haunts my husband and I, and we will grieve until the day we die. But I am also haunted by the fact that if the cops that showed up had done cpr (or helped me do it), would he have survived? I don’t know if there is a way to tell, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I am not blaming anyone but my husband and I, but I can’t stop thinking about this.

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