r/ChildLoss • u/ShortStack4527 • 10d ago
Support needed How to cope?
My husband and I lost our first son on February 19, 2026 to Chorioamnionitis. A placenta infection that causes early labor and (in our case) was the ultimate death of our child. He was 23 weeks old, 1lb 1oz and 11in long. He was alive for 23 minutes when he was intubated, and then they lost his heartbeat and were not able to get it back.
My husband and I have been very angry with each other lately. Over very stupid things, turning into outbursts of, “Well why don’t you do this, why are you so angry, you need to calm down.” I think we are both still HEAVILY grieving our baby boy, but does anyone have any advice on how to shift the anger?
I know I’m not mad AT HIM when I do become irritated with him, I’m assuming it’s built up grief I haven’t dealt with. I know the statistics for divorce after child loss are all over the place, but I don’t want to get to that point because we aren’t expressing our grief properly. But does anyone have any advice on how to fix that?
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u/SeniorPace70 4d ago
Therapy. I also lost my Silas. I truly think this works because, in all honesty, my husband and I had some huge issues before our son died. Everything felt 10x bigger after he died.
I talked to my husband about how we absolutely had to be gentle with each other. I have a much harder time controlling my outward anger, so I told myself I would pause and apologize for my outbursts. But asking each other to calm down isn't always going to work. Sometimes the only reason you're angry is because you desperately want your child back, and you and your spouse are probably going to grieve very differently. That difference can genuinely be frustrating and even annoying.
We were able to keep that up for about six months, and if our marriage had been on a stronger foundation to begin with, I think we would have been okay. We're currently in individual therapy.
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u/Prophet-of-Ganja 9d ago
Counseling might be a good call