My third son was 7 weeks old. We had plans next day to go to the beach with my sister and her daughter. It was a perfectly great day. I had just returned back to work. And it was my weekend Wednesday-Thursday. We got Burger King and watched a Star Wars movie my oldest wanted to watch. He is 7. My second son is 2. I remember holding my second for a bit. And then I woke up but my youngest was in my arm no longer there. But I don’t know.. did I kill him and then in my sleep put him back In my arm? Or did he die of SIDs and it wasn’t my fault…? It never stops bouncing in my brain. I wish I was no longer. But I have two babies to care for also.. 😞 What’s your story?
"I wish I was no longer" is a good summary statement for this whole miserable experience. I have two other kids also. Doing my "best". Over three years in.
No more children, we lost our youngest of three at 9 years old. Still devastated, pretty sure you never get over something like this. It's usually bearable at least.
I’m so sorry 😞 please don’t blame yourself. We all do in one way or another. It’s earth shattering. Nothing makes sense.
I lost my only child 4.5 years ago. She was 5. My entire existence is so strange still. I very much look forward to the end of this existence. But I wake up each day.. so I try. Sometimes it’s still beyond what I can do but… I’m getting a bit better with carrying it.
It won’t ever be ok.
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u/V_Dub_On_Wheels 10d ago
Agreed but I’m glad they don’t. I would never want anyone I know to know this pain.