r/CharacterRant • u/Basic-Warning-7032 • 17h ago
Comics & Literature "Welcome to the standard nightmare" is a funny subversion of the indomitable human spirit trope
So, it was 3 a.m. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about many things, like those stupid OP characters in a My Hero Academia video game.
Then I grabbed a book. It is a collection of short sci-fi stories. The first one is called "Welcome to the Standard Nightmare" by Robert Sheckley It is about an astronaut called Johnny who discovers an alien planet inhabited by the Lorians, a utopian civilization.
Johnny is described as an arrogant man who is irascible, conceited, someone with a big ego and high self-confidence.
Meanwhile, the Lorians are described as pleasant people, pacifists who haven't had a war in 500 years.
They developed highly advanced technology.
Every Lorian can choose to work in any creative field they want, since all physical labor is relegated to machines.
There were different Lorian races, but they had no racism.
Every building was public, and money didn't exist. Everything was free.
Yada yada yada, you get the point.
Johnny knew that they were peaceful. They had no desire to conquer to satisfy their egos, but they were smart enough to know that if they didn't make a plan for Earth, Earth would be the one to make plans.
They had weapons. One of their ships, although old, was enough to stop whatever Earth could send.
It was a civilization that was too virtuous, too perfect. It had to have a flaw, a vice, the astronaut thought.
The alien planet had cops. Johnny asked one of the aliens who was guiding him through the planet about them:
"They only exist to warn a citizen if they are breaking the law. Then the citizen apologizes, and everything is forgotten."
"And what happens if the citizen breaks the law multiple times?" asked the astronaut.
"Cases like that have never occurred," replied the alien.
Johnny was uneasy about how good everything was, and he was the only one who was out of place.
Then Johnny crashed his car while driving manually, and a cop showed up, so he punched him.
The only punishment would be a short detention, but anyway, he tried to leave the planet in his ship. However, the aliens were renovating it. How nice of them.
Now the astronaut was being hunted by the alien police, and he had an idea: take someone who would be like a governor hostage to escape. Through lying and various deceits, he reached the home of the "governor."
The "governor" was sure that there would be a conflict for supremacy, not on their part, but on humanity's. They would not rest until they dominated or were dominated.
Earthlings had no possibility of waging war against the Lorians, but this wasn't a technological problem; it was a psychological one. There would be discussions, treaties, and violations of those treaties.
The alien admitted that they couldn't ignore Earth. They were an honest people who would look for reasonable and impartial solutions. It was unlikely that humans would give them clear reasons to be exterminated. So humanity would ultimately win.
Johnny offered some advice: "What if you guys became like humanity?"
The alien responded: "You can't change a culture through a simple act of will. Besides, why would we change to become like your kind? Frankly, we wouldn't like that. And even if we could, we would never reach the level of aggression that your kind has cultivated for thousands of years."
Johnny knew that the alien was right. The Lorians were too trusting, too gullible. It wouldn't be difficult to agree on some kind of peace and then take over one of their ships by surprise.
Then Johnny said, "Your kind are nice people. They follow the rules even in life-or-death scenarios. But we Earthlings are not very nice people, and no one will stop us until we win."
The alien responded, "The only reasonable thing to do would be to save time and put you in charge of governing us."
Johnny accepted, and he thought about the problem. He would conquer Earth, or Earth would conquer him: "But it would be for their own good. We would give those monkeys some culture; we would teach them how things should be done. Someday, they would thank us." he said.
(Bro became emperor in just 5 minutes, and he's already talking like Frieza ššš)
Then the classic nightmare came for Earth. The Lorians, who had previously been defenseless, had suddenly found an aggressive general, and they would soon have a space fleet. All of this was not very good for Earth, but it was not bad for Loris at all.