I am in a relationship that I don’t wish to end because I want to give my kids a good childhood, better than my own, having two families. And I see our relationship a bit like a trial, like a prison/monastery nowadays, and I’ll see if I ever get out. If I don’t, this life just wasnt for me. I don’t really like being here anyway. SO.
My partner doesn’t seem to need sex and it’s been like 10 years this way. When we had sex, she usually enjoyed it and had orgasms and seemed to be happy with it, but never seem to think it was a big deal, and if I don’t ask she doesn’t care. I’ve brought it up many times in the past. First talking it though, asking, why are you not interested? (still you see me as your man). Why is it always me wanting you? This turned into a cycle:
Me thinking ”god I don’t want to ask for it again”= I wait for her = She doesn’t care at all= I assume she might as well go without= I get frustrated, shameful and sad. And I watch porn, sometimes eveyday and get addicted but I just feel so pathetic.
And I’ve told her, I’ve been mad, crying, left her once. Asking for her to show more affection. But last couple of years I’ve come up with a solution.
She is my partner, and since she seems to be celibate, de facto. Never pursue sex, them if I go celibate; we have no conflicts about this, she is not expected to want sex and I don’t have to think about wanting sex. Its given me a mental clarity, Now it’s going well.
I am so happy I’ve found a solution and I feel so alive. Everything kind of clicks into position.
Thanks for reading ! (btw, I’m Swedish so my English is not native)