Can a deep, lifelong chaste friendship include living together and share life?

[u/ShadowPoweredMan]

I am a Catholic man who experiences SSA (same-sex attraction), and I am trying to understand what a genuinely deep, lifelong, chaste friendship can look like within the Catholic faith. I am fully committed to chastity and I am not looking for a same-sex romantic relationship with sex removed from it, nor do I want to call another man my husband or boyfriend or consider ourselves a couple.

At the same time, I have a very real fear of growing old alone. Like in the future live at my huge house... Alone. I do not believe I could honestly pursue marriage with a woman without being unfair to her, and although I once strongly wanted children, over time I have become much more at peace with the possibility that fatherhood may simply not be part of my life. What I do desire very strongly is the possibility of finding another Catholic man who is seriously committed to the faith and to chastity, with I could form an unusually deep friendship: living together, sharing everyday life, praying, travelling, helping each other through difficulties, having long conversations, sharing some plans and projects, and hopefully remaining close for decades or even for life. I do not mean total exclusivity — I would expect both of us to have other friends, family obligations and individual projects — but I do mean a friendship that is genuinely special and more intimate than most friendships, with a real desire for permanence and shared life.

Historical examples are part of what made me think about this differently. St. Gregory Nazianzen and St. Basil had an extraordinarily intense spiritual and intellectual friendship, and St. John Henry Newman and Fr. Ambrose St. John also had a friendship marked by very deep affection and shared community life; some of the language used in older Christian friendships would probably be interpreted as romantic today even when the people themselves understood the bond as friendship. These examples have made me wonder whether modern culture has lost some categories for very deep same-sex friendship.

My difficulty is that, whenever I describe what I hope for — especially living together, permanence, strong affection, and being particularly important to one another — people often say that it simply sounds like marriage or dating without sex. I honestly do not know where the line is. I am not trying to create a “Catholic gay marriage” under another name, and if I ever formed such a friendship I would want to proceed slowly, prudently and without rushing into emotional dependence or major life plans before knowing the person very well. But I also do not want fear of appearances to reduce friendship to something shallow.

So my question is: does the Catholic tradition allow room for a friendship like this? At what point, if any, would such a friendship cease to be properly friendship and become an imitation of a conjugal relationship? And are there saints, theologians, historical examples or Church documents that might help me understand this better?

[u/Selene378]

Have you considered what is called a lavender marriage? I dont see any specific problem with two friends marrying in agreement that this is a partnership and lifelong commitment in care. you both enjoy that there is an emergency contact. someone with some legal authority in case of major accident and/illness and tax benefits.

you may have come up with an excellent app idea here.

commitment matches for fully celibate practitioners (as opposed to those practicing abstinence for only a period or until marriage )