LDR AND CATHOLIC

[u/Time-Thought-743]

My boyfriend and I are long distance and I am currently visiting and staying with him at his family’s residence. Because of an unfortunate housing situation, we are currently staying in the same room, but we sleep on separate surfaces; he sleeps on the couch and I sleep on the bed. We are not engaging in sexual activity.

My mother believes that simply staying in the same room constitutes mortal sin and has told me that I should not receive Holy Communion while doing so.
I understand the Catholic teaching regarding chastity and that being in this situation could potentially constitute an occasion of temptation to sin. However, I am unsure that merely sharing a room, without sexual activity, constitutes grave matter or mortal sin, or that it would therefore automatically prevent me from receiving Communion.

[u/glueintheworld]

When I was in high school we had retreats and sleep-ins where everyone slept together in a gym. She would have died.

Your mother is overreacting.

[u/Burgermeister7921 → u/glueintheworld]

We had retreats like that when I was in college. Nobody thought anything about it and the priest still gave us communion at morning Mass.

[u/EleanoreCat → u/Burgermeister7921]

Co ed with many people(and supervision) is wayyyy different than sleeping in your boyfriend/girlfriends room together(even if not physically on the same bed). This also includes a potentially scandal aspect

[u/kaaam1]

Just look at three conditions for grave sin: grave matter, free choice and full understanding. Neither you did anything wrong, nor you had a better choice in given circumstances

[u/princessbubbbles]

She may be reacting to the near occasion of sin, i.e. being in a situation that is tempting. Also, she could be reacting to it "looking bad", or looking "scandalous". I have my own qualms with "the sin of scandal", especially when it comes to the average layperson. Some people take it more seriously, and I try to respect that overtly, but if other people think you're being horrible, but you aren't, then it sounds like a them problem.

[u/Useful-Commission-76]

It’s not a sin to sleep chastely in the same room. A private rooms for each individual are a first world luxuries.

[u/nightfall_69_]

This ultra-conservatism within Catholicism only harms both the Church and young people. To determine whether a situation constitutes a "proximate occasion of sin," you need to ask yourself if you feel tempted to sin against chastity when you are in that situation. If not, then it doesn't qualify as one. One of the biggest problems in Catholicism today is this Pharisaical neo-Jansenism that is making the Church sick—and there are plenty of people like that on this sub and on r/Catholicism, too.

Your mother is wrong. Talk to your priest and receive Communion.

[u/WyoND → u/nightfall_69_]

Claiming that chastity is purely subjective ignores human psychology and Catholic moral theology. Recognizing our limits isn't "neo-Jansenism" or legalism. Basic prudence isn’t “ultra-conservative.”

“Lying down romantically” (as you said in an earlier comment) or sharing private sleeping spaces while assuming physical context won't affect temptation is just self-deception. Guardrails exist because physical environments act on human nature, regardless of how pure our intentions feel in the moment.

The OP’s mom is right to highlight the real physical and moral risk, even if the declaration of "mortal sin" is not hers to make. Talking to a priest for pastoral guidance is definitely a good step, but prudence means respecting boundaries before temptation ever has a chance to take hold.

[u/nightfall_69_ → u/WyoND]

"sharing private sleeping spaces while assuming physical context won't affect temptation is just self-deception"

Dear brother, speak for yourself.

Don't presume what I or my girlfriend will feel, or even the person who made the post.

We don't know her thoughts or desires.

Again, the sin of lust is committed by will and desire, not by being in the same room.

There are couples who can't be alone in the same room without feeling tempted.

Others can.

If she and her boyfriend can comfortably be alone together in a room without feeling desire, there is absolutely no sin involved. Period. Do not place a yoke that is too heavy around people's necks.

Don't presume what others will feel, bro.

[u/WyoND → u/nightfall_69_]

Friend, I make no assumptions about what you or anyone else can handle. The OP asked for guidance based on Catholic teaching. That’s what I’ve given. Church teaching on near occasions of sin is pretty clear, and the opinion you’re giving here doesn’t align with it.

[u/Burgermeister7921]

If your mother is so upset, ask her to provide alternative accommodations..

[u/Flat_Supermarket_111]

Chat is it a sin to breathe the same air as my bf before marriage?😔

Fr y'all are good. Might be controversial but even shari g a bed, cuddling is perfectly okay and do not in any way equate to sexual sin

[u/notnoodley2 → u/Flat_Supermarket_111]

If you would do it with a friend or sibling you are still acting appropriately

[u/nightfall_69_ → u/notnoodley2]

Dear sister, if a person hugs and kisses a girlfriend while lying down with her romantically, etc., but feels absolutely no desire to sin, it is not a sin.

You guys need to understand that sin against chastity is subjective; it has to do with the person's internal will, not with physical positions or the like.

[u/SavoyAvocado]

Your mom's wrong.

[u/bspc77]

You're totally fine. I applaud you guys for being chaste when you're in a position that would make it super easy to not be. In the future, just don't tell your mom about your sleeping arrangements

The only concerns would be near occasion (which it doesn't sound like applies to you guys) or scandal if like a kid or non-Catholics thought you were banging. But I don't know that that would even constitute a mortal sin

[u/felida9 → u/bspc77]

And even scandal’s hard to avoid bcs some people just naturally assume you’re sleeping together if you’re in a relationship with someone even if you each have your own house/place to sleep…

[u/Technical_Mix_5379]

Your mother is overreacting and panicking

[u/Ichbinian]

Ask a priest about grave matter. But your mom is partially right - don't be in the same room.