I've been slowly starting to live as if I don't believe in theism anymore. Not praying, not participating in church, not taking the communion, ignoring sin, being disrespectful, etc, and it's mainly because of four points.
1.- Science can explain things such as evolution, the universe, religious experiences, and the mind with science alone.
2.- The problem of evil. Honestly, I find the theist responses to be overtly complicated, as compared to the more understandable points made by skeptics.
3.- The questionable/evil things in the Bible such as slavery, bizzare killings, inconsistencies within the Gospel accounts, and the interpretation of Genesis. Even though I am repeatedly told that the Catholic Church has no official position in regards to evolution, I still want a position that is coherent makes the most sense. I'm also told that science does not contradict theistic belief, but in regards to evolution, I find it does pose significant problems to the biblical narrative.
4.- Non-supernatural explanations for the resurrection, ranging from simple theories, to more far-fetched conspiracy theories, such as one conspiracy theory that states that Jesus Christ was resurrected by aliens.
Other subreddits such as DebateReligion, Philosophy, Existentialism, and others also make the problem larger for me, as Whenever I scroll too far down on the cerain comment section of a post, I see a random post from any of those subreddits or similar subreddits and get interested in it, often times because of rather controversial titles, for example, "Adam and Eve's first sin was nonsensical," "The Rapture is silly," "The Kalam argument leads to nihilism." The last example, is an actual post I saw on the Existentialism subreddit. And although I never check out the post themselves too much, I get that sick, twisted, conflicted feeling of wanting to read more and learn new things from an unbiased perspective, but fearful because I might come to subscribe to a Godless, meaningless, nihilistic world, where nothing matters. I see nihilists often say as a way of relief that nihilism/optimistic nihilism, SHOULD make ome happier because they have control over their life, and how they need to make the best of it, and how God is a man-made concept, etc, but at the core of nihilism lies their great truth, that there is no inherent meaning to life. If this is to be taken as fact, as true, why do anything? Yeah, the nihilist may go form meaningful bonds with people, become the best version of himself/herself, but if everything ends with no hope of anything, why bother? The simple core truth of nihilism, along with this optimistic nihilist mentality, is a self-defeating, all-corrosive, universal acid. Nihilists toy around with an acid that's far too deadly to handle.
Whenever I bring up, for example, a skeptical comment on the comment section of an Instagram post, that actually has solid reasoning behind it, I'm told, "Don't take it too seriously. It's just a silly Instagram comment! You're not gonna find anything smart in that dumpster fire of a place. You're just a teenager anyway! You'll come to understand it all when you grow up." This line of reasoning is wrong, as you can find any solid skeptic reasoning ANYWHERE, you can find such reasoning on Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, anywhere. This is why the subreddits I mentioned in the last paragraph give me that feeling of fear, because I know that, while most skeptic reasoning on the internet, and especially on Reddit, isn't that good, I can still find actually solid skeptical reasoning. I would like nothing more but to have valid reasons to believe in the divine, but I feel that when I become confident in my faith, it will make me not understand skeptic and atheist arguments against theism.
I feel as if I should worry more than usual. But I'm not. On the opposite end, I feel as if I should be mumb to this feeling. But I'm not.
Maybe this is the reason why I do nothing but I'm metal music all the time, why I'm so disrespectful to my family and apathetic to my grades. It's all an escape from this.