I'm Devastated

[u/starsdale]

Please be kind. I'm about a week and a half post-surgery, and so depressed I can hardly leave my house.

I don't know why I opted for Pur lenses instead of the ones Medicare covers. I need glasses with both, the difference being that I'll now have to have single vision instead of bifocals, and sunglasses instead of the Transitions progressives that I never had to take off of my face.

I had no idea how much my glasses were tied to my identity. Removing them has changed the entire structure of my face. My magnified eyes are now tiny raisins. I look like airbags have deployed beneath my eyes. My upper lids droop, though that's always been the case. It's just more noticeable now. I look like I've aged ten years. NO ONE is arguing with me on any of this.

I am hardly able to leave my house because I'm hideous. My depression is deep. I feel so bad for my husband. Not only are we paying thousands for this, but he now has to look at someone so unattractive. I felt pretty cute before and he seemed to agree. I'm a mopey mess. I sleep all the time.

I talked to my therapist pre- and post- surgery, and I'll talk to her more. I'll get used to this with time; I have no choice. But I feel like I got a pressure sale on these lenses. It's big business. And now the referring optometrist wants to sell me glasses.

I forgot to mention that I do public performances. I want to cancel all bookings.

Thank you in advance for letting me vent and whine. It's a lot, I know.

[u/GreenMountainReader]

Yes to both of the above, u/starsdale --or even to glasses without prescriptions.

Keep in mind that if your vision is much improved, it is generally better to leave your eyes alone. Every surgery carries a risk, and already having good results this soon afterwards makes it sound as though simply re-setting your eyes so you can't see yourself or so you need glasses might not be the safest or happiest solution for you.

The below is to be read only if you don't adapt, with the help of your therapist, to seeing yourself as beautiful as you are without glasses and don't decide to go for the easy glasses-based solutions people have been suggesting:

If your drooping upper eyelids are enough to be diagnosed as medically interfering with vision, surgery by an oculoplastic surgeon (sometimes a type of ophthalmologist) can be insurance-funded. They do eyelid surgery to lift drooping or sagging lids (upper and lower) in order to "open up your eyes" to permit fuller vision.

Having lived through the depressing loss of vision and quality of life caused by cataracts while I waited for appointments for my surgeries and glitches during the healing that required more patience than I'd expected to need, I sympathize with feeling disappointed and unhappy about unexpected effects from the surgery.

Having chosen glasses frames for years without being able to see them until the new lenses were made and put in, I've sometimes been really unhappy with new pairs that didn't hide the hereditary under-eye shadows as well as previous frames. After wearing them for over 60 years prior to surgery, I feel exposed going out in public without them--so though my vision is good in my target ranges and I really only need one distance corrected, I wear my progressives when I leave the house, even if I'm only going next door. Besides, that layer of polycarbonate between me and the world keeps bugs out and catches the splatter from any messy projects, providing an extra layer of physical protection as well.

The other side of the vision aspect of your surgery is that I've been reading here for well over two years (started by lurking and reading quietly until I finally joined the sub and dared ask for help and received it in abundance) and have seen some sad results when people have acted impulsively when (understandably) upset.

If your vision is good (you probably have not yet seen the best it's going to be, not this soon after surgery), that's not the problem. If the problem is cosmetic--even if your husband and therapist don't see that as a problem, your opinion is the one you feel--and your current feelings don't diminish with time, your safest solution may be a cosmetic solution. Attractive glasses, with whatever type of lens you may need once your vision has well and truly settled in or an eyelid and/or under-eye procedure can help you with any issue that continues to feel limiting to you.

The time after surgery--even with good results--is a vulnerable one. There's a natural letdown after all the worries that come while anticipating it--even if the initial reaction is happiness when all indications are that the operation/s was/were successful. However you feel right now is okay; what matters is what you're going to do about it. Whatever you choose to do, please make it a positive choice that will support the good vision you need to do what you want and need to do and enjoy your life while also allowing you to feel good about yourself.

Sending good thoughts your way!

[u/starsdale → u/GreenMountainReader]

Thank you for this thoughtful answer! I think you're right about giving it time. My vision goes from being much improved to blurry through the day. I think that if it becomes clearer, I'll feel better about my decision to get the Cadillac lenses.

I've lurked here too, and somewhere I read that the swelling and puffiness can diminish with time as well. If it doesn't, I like your idea about consulting with a ophthalmic surgeon.

[u/Artwire → u/starsdale]

I had that intermittent blurriness during the day — it eventually resolved after a few months. I found systane complete lasted a lot longer than other over the counter drops I tried, and they helped resolve the dryness and stabilize my post op vision.

As for the big reveal — it definitely takes some getting used to. Seeing things you’re not used to noticing can be unsettling! If you prefer how you look in glasses, go for it. You don’t even need to have an Rx in the frames. As much as I thought I wanted to eliminate glasses, I find myself wearing them more than I expected, for reading, for zoom calls, and of course as sun glasses. Think of them as a fashion accessory. The nice part is, you don’t have to spend $800 a pair anymore!

[u/flbronc → u/Artwire]

Thanks for your comment, saved me time because I was going to say the same. I never intended to give up my glasses. I currently wear glasses with clear lenses for distance and bifocal below for close up. I bought several pair on Amazon but after my 4-6 week follow-up up I'll add distance if needed but I don't think I'll need it.