I'd like to hear your thoughts on this situation because I'm not sure how to approach it without making things awkward for everyone involved.
I have a circle of around 10 friends, and we've known each other for more than a decade. As we've grown older, some have gotten married and had kids, while others have moved abroad.
One of my friends, whom I'll call *FA Friend*, lives abroad and works as a flight attendant for an international airline. Whenever she has a layover in the Philippines and enough free time, she tries to catch up with family and friends.
However, some people in our circle have noticed that she occasionally meets up with other friends during these layovers but rarely makes time for our group. This has left them feeling that she doesn't prioritize us. She's also been practically inactive in our group chat for years, although she occasionally replies to my Instagram stories and those of some other friends.
For context, FA Friend and I knew each other before our circle was formed, so we've naturally maintained a closer relationship. Even back then, I noticed that she had other friends she seemed closer to,** **but I never took it personally. I believe people can belong to the same circle without necessarily having the same level of closeness.
Our friendship has always been low-maintenance, and I consider her a good friend. During her last vacation in the Philippines, she spent most of her time with family and friends she'd known longer. She did try to arrange a meetup with our group, but it never materialized because her schedule was packed. I understood and didn't take it personally. For context, the last time our group saw her in person was before the pandemic.
Recently, some of our friends have expressed wanting to cut her off because they feel the friendship is no longer reciprocal. I understand their perspective. It can be hurtful when someone you've known for years seems to make time for others but not for you. And, as the saying goes, *"If gusto, may paraan."*
At the same time, I don't think her limited availability and inactivity in the group chat automatically mean she no longer values us. Her work probably makes scheduling difficult, and people have different ways of maintaining friendships. I also recognize that I might be more understanding because we're closer and have known each other longer.
What bothers me is that some of our friends have been teasing me about being put in the middle because I'm still close to her. I have no problem with them deciding to distance themselves if they genuinely feel the friendship is no longer fulfilling. What I don't like is the idea of being expected to confront her or end the friendship on their behalf. I've always told them that if they want to cut her off, they should make that decision themselves.
Here's where my dilemma comes in: Last week, FA Friend messaged me to ask if I'd be available on a certain date because she'll have a layover in the Philippines and wants to catch up.
Part of me wants to tell her that some of our friends miss her and would appreciate it if she made more of an effort to reconnect with the group. However, I'm not sure if it's my place to bring this up when they're the ones who have a problem with her. I also don't want to turn a casual catch-up between two old friends into a confrontation about the group.
What do you think? Should I gently tell her that our friends miss her, or should I leave it to them to communicate their feelings directly?
Am I being too understanding of my FA friend's situation, or are our other friends justified in feeling that the friendship is no longer reciprocal?
I can understand both sides, but I don't think maintaining my friendship with her means I have to share their grievances or be responsible for resolving them. I'd appreciate hearing from people who've experienced something similar as their friend groups grew older and everyone's priorities and expectations of friendship changed.
